5 year old dislike of me talking with others

[Everydaysunshine]

Hi, my five year old gets very angry if she sees anyone we know on the school run (to and after school). She likes to mostly walk in silence. I typically respect this choice and have never been one to have long chats with others and ignore her needs. I understand that after school she will be tired. However this happens before school also. On occasions when other parents have said hello to us and begun to walk alongside us and make small talk, she will raises her voice repeatedly say ‘don’t talk’ or ‘I told you not to talk’ or moans, or squeezes her finger nails into my hand whilst holding it.
Making any small talk to other adults clearly distresses her. She is unable to articulate what it is about it that she finds difficult.
Any suggestions on how to help her with this or explain her behaviour to other adults?

Sounds like attention seeking and trying to control you. I would give a firm no when she moans and let go of her hand immediately if she digs in. What is she like with family and friends in other situations?

Thanks for your message. She has so many wonderful traits but unfortunately can very controlling at times, had a low frustration tolerance, has quite an explosive nature and can have quite inflexible thinking and a rapid onset of frustration. She is the same with my husband and the one grand parent who spends time with her. At school there are no issues, other than the teachers consider she focuses very hard all day to learn and do the expected behaviour.

As parents we are patient and kind to her but at times it does take an enormous amount of energy to assist her and this detracts away from attention given to her sibling which I feel very guilty about.

Yes, very difficult. What is the sibling age gap? Could be jealousy and rather than verbalising she is doing this to get control of a situation she isn't happy with and making sure she is noticed (though I'm sure you do give her plenty of attention). Maybe do pretend play with dolls or similar and try to act out situation you describe and you could model suitable responses? Personally I would not explain or make excuses to the adults you meet(especially in her hearing) but have a conversation if you choose to and ignore her reaction - rather than maybe reinforcing in her mind that she can dictate what you do. Tricky one!

Thanks @Greyhair59 that’s a really good idea to act this out with the dolls. I was also thinking about writing a social story about it.
interestingly she doesn’t seem to mind when her older sibling talks to me. They generally get along well. My eldest child has a calm and nurturing personality, so they are quite different from one another. She’s also fine with other children who talk to us. I wonder if it’s an anxiety issue showing as anger/ need for control.
I really appreciate your help, thank you :)

I'm sure it will all work out.