WWYD Nephew with learning disabilities hitting DS

[1Didila]

My DS is 3.5 and nephew 5. Nephew has learning disabilities, possibly autistic and is also physically disabled. We regularly meet up with nephew and his family and he likes to play with DS but things can get out of hand quite often and as he’s physically bigger than my son, he can get violent.
Today my DS face was scratched quite badly by nephew because DS didn’t want to share his scooter. My poor boy ended up the worst of the two and I’m pretty upset at the entire episode.
His parents usually step in to tell off nephew and he gets put on naughty step but the behaviour never changes. It’s been like this for the past couple years with no sign of improvement even though we’ve tried keeping them apart, not seeing them as often, always being nearby. So what do I do? And how do I explain to my 3.5 yr old that his cousin is severely disabled and can’t control his behaviour whilst also teaching him to not be hit others if he gets upset.
I don’t have much experience with children with learning disabilities but one of my husband’s brothers has severe disabilities and this nephew is the only cousin my DS has that lives close by.
Also can anyone recommend a good book to tech my son about people with disabilities?

You and your brother/sister will need to plan activities and monitor closely so the boys are busy and engaged all the time. Don't leave them alone for "free play" because your nephew can't cope with it and a smaller and younger child can't be expected to manage the situation safely.

Finding suitable activities might be tricky, it depends on your nephew's physical and cognitive abilities. Maybe they can be together for tea, or take them both out for scooter rides. Your nephew might not be able to manage sharing, or he might be able to cope with strict turn-taking if the adults control it, or you might find activities they can do in parallel. When DS was about 6 we used to decorate biscuits in the kitchen when a friend came over - I gave them each their own tubs of icing, sprinkles etc.

It's going to take lots of planning and supervision so that an adult can separate the boys quickly if problems occur.

Next time you'd have to warn the other mum that you're bringing a scooter and make sure that the boys play within hearing distance so that intervention can be quick. You don't say if you expected ds to share his scooter but that's like an adult handing over their car keys in order to "share" so both boys having their scooter would be important