HV told me today to expect 'battles' for the rest of my life with my 'bright' 16 mo dd

[joorla]

Visited the HV today with my 16 mo dd. My dd had a major tantrum yesterday (there is another post on this) and I just wanted the HV to see what she was like & ask her advice too on how I should have handled the tantrum.

The HV has said that she seems bright for her age and as she's so strongwilled to expect battles with her 'over the next few years, infact all your life'. I know of course that this doesnt necessarily have to be true but to be honest it's set my mind racing and I've got that awful 'sinking' feeling.

By the way she's recommended Toddler Taming by Chris Green to read, has anyone else read this?

I think she must have been trying to be flippant and it came out wrong. Even the most officious hv wouldn't think they could tell the future. I would try to forget about her comment if I were you, it sounds really silly.

What a negative way to look at it!

You can also expect lots of positive and hugely rewarding times with her too, I bet.

Yes, you might have some challenging times, but who doesn't with children?!

And if she's bright and strongwilled, that will stand her in good stead in later life - all these traits that can be so difficult when they're little are good ones for the future - remember that.

Toddler Taming is marvellous, ignore the smacking advice though, please. The rest of it is very very good.

Enjoy your dd

Toddler Tmaing is well worth a read - he is very straightforward and down to earth!

Sounds bonkers to me
And I think you need to forget it, otherwise it could have a negative impact on your parenting. Likewise I think labelling a 16 mo child as 'bright' is extremely unhelpful.

I think your HV is talking nonsense tbh.

My dd has always been pretty strong-willed and tbh could only be described as 'bright' from an older age than your dd currently is. And aren't most 16 month old children strong-willed?!

She's now coming up 7 and I can't say I've had loads of 'battles' with her so far.

toddler taming is a good book, he is quite realistic and humourous.

That's good advice for anyone with a toddler, just forget her stupid predictions -and save your energy for bigger worries (parenting is full of day to day worries, no point in storing up worries for the future)
Anyway, better a sparky personality than a pudding!

Toddler taming is so funny, not sure |I agree with most of the advice but can certainly give you some perspective. Anyway feisty kids are great they express so much more personality, I should know I have 2. They will grow up to be much more interesting people. I think health visitor was just trying to make light, prob didn't realise it would upset you.

I've always found her a great HV tbh and always had good advice from her in the past, which is why I think this has got to me a little. I'm sure she didnt think it would upset me.

HV talk out of their bums
Take no notice
No one has any idea what the future will hold, there is no point second guessing, just get on with dealing with the here and now.

I think she meant it as a compliment, but perhaps worded it a bit clumsily.

I think it was meant as a compliment, too. Saying that she's bright and strong-willed isn't insulting is it? and following on from that I'd think she was trying to say that you will need your wits about you to keep one step ahead of your bright dd.

Toddler Taming was our bible. Down to earth advice with a little tongue in cheek humour!

Just placed an order for Toddler Taming. Thanks for all your comments, feeling a lot better now. Sorry I'm a first time momand the tantrum was a bit daunting yesterday and together with the battles comment today think I'm being a bit over-sensitive.

I found Toddler Taming very helpful (also have a 16 month old). It was very reassuring to read the section on behaviours that are annoying and alarming but normal and passing phases - ds had done them all at various points, except the one where they manage to get into their nappy and smear the contents around themselves and the cot. I read it out loud to dh one night and we laughed "Well, at least he hasn't done THAT!"

You can guess the scene that greeted us the very next morning. I don't read it out loud anymore .

I wouldn't worry. Better to have an intelligent child who questions you and thinks for herself than one who just blandly accepts everything you say.

My 21 month old son has been throwing tantrums since he was about 9 months old. i.e. throwing himself on the floor, screaming etc. He still does it now, but it does seem to be slowly getting better.

I think it has a lot to do with being frustrated with not being able to communicate.

I just ingore him most of the time. Although my friend has suggested that I start using the naughty step.

Everyone seems to think Toddler Taming is good- I think i'll give it a go

'the social toddler' is an excellent book by behavioural psychologists. it helps you understand a toddler's world view and to work forward from there.

if you don't want to buy it, try getting your library to get a copy.

the social toddler

I read toddler taming. All the usual standard advice, worth a read over. I think your hv was just making a bit of chit-chat. I wouldn't worry overly.