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Original poster

Mums of 7 year old girls - please read about mine and tell me if her behaviour is "normal" !

28 replies

scatterbrain · 28/12/2007 16:24

My 7 year old's behaviour is really really worrying me at the moment and I just need to ask whether anyone else has one that behaves like this - my dh keeps saying she is mad and on times I have to say she does apear slightly deranged !

So - she is a lovely little girl, at school she is angelic - wouldn't say Boo to a goose etc. In fact school were worried last year that she was too quiet.

I have never recognised this side of her - she has always been really feisty and argumentative at home ! She is 7 and a quarter now - but still cries at least once a day and rarely a day goes by without some sort of tantrum - usually a screaming fit punctuated by "I hate you" and door slammings !
She has been particularly bad this Xmas and I am really wondering what to do with her !

She is an only child and demands 100% attention all the time - when she doesn't get it she kicks off ! She is extremely impatient, seems to have a very short fuse and a fierce temper, and immediately flies into a rage when she doesn't get what she wants instanmtly !

Is this what 7 yr old girls are like ? Do they grow out of it ?? When ?? and has anyone got any strategies for dealing with this kind of behaviour ???

We've tried sitting down and discussing it with her, we've done star charts, pasta jars, 1-2-3 magic and nothing seems to work. She just doesn't seem to care !

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Sobernow · 28/12/2007 16:26

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Magrat · 28/12/2007 16:28

does she know how to cope with her rages when they are controlling her?

have you tried teaching her calming techniques? like focusing on breathing, maybe finding something to punch (like a pillow)

she does sound rather trying but not totally unusual for a 7 year old (I've got an almost 7 year old boy) ..

I do not think it is unusual for a child to be extremely well behaved at school and release all that pent-up emotion as soon as they feel safe .. ie at home

moljam · 28/12/2007 16:29

mine is sometimes like this but not often but i do know her friends are apparently very much like this according to their mums.so im sure shes not odd in her behaviour.my ds whos 6 can be like this,i find it has alot to do with what hes eaten and that he has speech difficulties.

jINGLESbells · 28/12/2007 16:30

My 6.6 ds2 is like this.....very quiet and good at school. Bit of a loon at home, talks non stop, has a tantrum if anything doesn't go his own way, usually involving putting on clothes. I personally think quite a lot of it has to do with his "creative" personality and quite a lot to do with his age. You're doing the right things imo... keep calm, be firm and wait for this phase to pass. HTH

pyjamagirl · 28/12/2007 16:30

My dd told me to go back to fat school this morning (weight watchers)

She can be lovely and her teachers say she is a star at school but she can be really hurtgul and whingy and nasty at times

Sounds normal imo

Original poster
scatterbrain · 28/12/2007 16:30

Really ?? Oh that's a sort of relief !

Does your dd cry easily and fly off the handle about nothing ?

And the next question - how do you maintain your own sanity during the outbursts ????

I am struggling - I very nearly hit her today and I don't do that - but she just nagged and nagged and nagged and was really winding me up - I had to go upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom for a while !

OP posts:
jINGLESbells · 28/12/2007 16:32

Practice!
I take away treats, time on the ps2 / computer etc and ALWAYS folow it through

jINGLESbells · 28/12/2007 16:32

Practice!
I take away treats, time on the ps2 / computer etc and ALWAYS folow it through

jINGLESbells · 28/12/2007 16:33

WHoops!

EllieG · 28/12/2007 16:33

DSD (only child) has just turned 9. When 7 cried at ANYTHING and EVERYTHING was all a drama and a crisis all the time. She is now much calmer, thankfully, though still has her moments bless her. She's an only child too, and I sometimes wonder if this has anything to do with it - she can be very attention-seeking at times, although is defo growing out of it and seeming more secure. Just keep plugging on in there - I think it's normal.

What helped with us was I stopped responding so much to the tears and tantrums but would just say, 'If you want to have a cry, go and have one in your bedroom and shut the door because we don't want to listen to it' or similar - once she stopped getting lots of attention for the noise it seemed to tail off. Then when all quiet upstairs I will go and have a chat about whatever it is when we are both calmer.

pyjamagirl · 28/12/2007 16:34

Take away things and just ignore her when she throws a tantrum , I sometimes find myself losing it but it does work eventually

EllieG · 28/12/2007 16:36

Though sometimes I just remove myself from the room if am getting very cross and feel like want to bite somebody! Better to take time out than respond at that point.
Doesn't always work mind

Original poster
scatterbrain · 28/12/2007 16:37

Mine refuses to go to her bedroom - she just gets worse and louder and screams at us ! dh threatens to carry her up if she won't go - I can't carry her any more - she has always refused to stay on the naughty step too !

When we eventually get her to her bedroom we say that she has to stay there 10 minutes once she is silent - but she doesn't seem to understand what quiet means - she just screams and shouts up there !

I know we are not handling this well ourselves - very stressed and tired - so not in the best of mind frames to cope with tantrums. My mother says she is spoilt - but we believe we are pretty strict ! very confused now !

OP posts:
moonmother · 28/12/2007 16:40

Another of the same here,complete with melodrama overkill.

Doesn't have many 'tantrums' but when she does its like shes a 2 year old again,lol.

She has more strops/sulks etc almost pmt/hormonal like.

Also very good and quiet at school so we get all the frustration at home.

Goes through phases of being unable to sleep but after checks at doc's and a mild sedative its been decided it's all in her mind and just another way to get attention ...she gets plenty as it is

She has regular visits to the hospital due to the fact she could be going through puberty early (pretty much ruled out now they just monitor her half yearly) but when I told the consultant about her moods,insomnia etc she referred me to a child psychologist who said she's a completely normal 7 year old girl

Relaxation exercises do help,as long as she's in the mood to comply.

Also plenty of sleep,she has a hot chocolate before bed and we have a good chat when she's in bed (after a story)and relaxing music to go to sleep by.Also she's just started a proper journal and she writes this every night when she's in bed and it seems to help alot with her behaviour during the day.

But what I've found the most useful is making sure that she gets plenty of exercise either out in the garden or the park etc.

Sobernow · 28/12/2007 16:41

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juuule · 28/12/2007 16:42

Sometimes when my dd gets like this, I have to hold her and calm her down before we can get anywhere with her. It's as though whatever emotion she started with gets bigger than her and she just can't control it. There would be absolutely no point in trying to force her to her room, she would get more and more out of control and I really don't want to break her spirit to get her to comply.
She is getting better but we still have outbursts.

Original poster
scatterbrain · 28/12/2007 16:45

Mine is definitely definitely worse when hungry ! I do recognise that. She has never reacted to anything like additives or anything though - and eats a pretty varied healthy diet. So I don't think it's particularly a diet issue.

It is very reassuring to hear that there are similar beasts in your houses too !

OP posts:
Sobernow · 28/12/2007 16:50

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threeweekings · 28/12/2007 21:14

My dd1 (almost 7)has these tendencies, but seems to be controlling herself much better over the last few months. I don't think the basic personality ever changes but we have been consistent about giving/removing pocket money (as that is what motivates her) since she was able to understand the concept. Do you think your dd would respond to that? I think by age 7 they can begin to understand the idea that while it's okay to be angry (and say you're angry)at not getting what you want, it's NOT okay to say rude or hurtful things to people. I don't put up with my dd being rude to me, and do expect more control from her than I do from my 4 year old, for example.

DD would have constant attention if it was up to her. She has 2 younger siblings, but even if she were an only child I would expect her to entertain herself sometimes. If you know that your dd gets plenty of attention, do not feel bad about insisting she plays in her room for a short spell. Be consistent about it - my dd has to play upstairs when I'm cooking. She knows the rule and that's what we've done since she was able to go up there on her own.

We also have episodes of martyrdom which is another form of attention seeking ("I can't do anything" "I have no friends" etc etc). Don't know if that sounds familiar to you. I can now tell if she is genuinely upset, in which case she gets attention and comfort. Tantrums and whining are always ignored while they are happening.

I think overall it depends if you feel in control of the situation. I mean, if she's screaming and crying that's one thing but if she's screaming and getting what she wants by screaming that's a different matter. Then she's ruling the roost, which personally I could not put up with. But everyone's different, I know.

Good Luck!

margoandjerry · 28/12/2007 21:20

Can I just say what a wonderful thread this is... I have a 14 mo so it's all academic to me but I've read this with interest as she is an only child and I'm planning ahead!

Seriously, the experience and wisdom on here is fantastic.

wethreekingsofORINOCOare · 28/12/2007 21:24

I've got a 7yo dd and a 4 yo dd. My 4yo is more like this than my 7yo! I've found fish oils help control her behavior, she's so much nicer when she's on them than when we run out .

wethreekingsofORINOCOare · 28/12/2007 21:25

behaviour

foxinsocks · 28/12/2007 21:33

dd (7) doesn't tantrum but she's never really been that sort of child (ds, who is 6, does and always has done) but what she has learned to do in the last few months is really turn on the tears (fake tears) when it suits her.

She's also incredibly melodramatic and an appalling attention seeker.

Some of the things she will say/do to get someone else's attention and she can be a right show off . I've always put it down to her being one of the youngest in her year (she's an August child) but I've seen her 'perform' for other adults too!

She's not a loud child though and is more than happy just burying herself in a book but I think she may just turn out to be contrary!

I think the best thing you can do is not react to it. I know it's hard! I always find (with dd and fake tears) that it's quite good to point out that you know they are not genuinely upset just so that they know you have not been hoodwinked!

nodder · 28/12/2007 21:36

This might sound weird (it did to me when I was told to do this!!!) but ... wrap your daughter in a blanket when she goes of on one and hold her tight, but, you are not to speak whilst doing this. We were lucky dd had a blankie as a baby which was still used so we used that. I was told she was going through such a lot of changes that she couldn't cope and she would love the physicality of the hug, and silence! I was very sceptical about this technique but, it worked for us.

suwoo · 28/12/2007 21:38

I could have written this thread about DD who will be 6 in March. After her behaviour Christmas Eve degenerated so far that I bellowed at her and smacked her bum , I thought I was at rock bottom. My mum must have said 20 times, that it was the chocolate that was affecting her behaviour (she normally has chocolate every night after tea, but as was Christmas had had a lot more), so just to shut her up and because I was at the end of my tether, she had no chocolate at all boxing day and yesterday- well fark me, the difference was unbelievable!! She was like a different child!! Chocolate is now banned in our house 'normal' days but may be relaxed on high days and holidays and parties etc. HTH