4 year old always wants mummy - I feel trapped!

[Mummacazhar7]

Hello! I’m getting a bit desperate and would appreciate some advice from you lovely people. My almost 4 year old is running me ragged and his dad isn’t much help. My little man has always been a mummies boy and up until now I’ve sort of managed to do 90% of the parenting but he’s getting more challenging and needs more input and I’m on my knees exhausted. I ask his dad to do some bedtimes or take him out on the weekend, and he says he’ll try if little man let’s him.....has anyone else overcome this? Any advice would be welcome!

Is his DF your DP/DH or are you separated?

If you are together I'd sit down with him tonight and tell him how you're feeling and that he needs to start taking DS out and doing some bedtimes. It isn't a case of "if DS will let him". DS shouldn't be in charge, he's a child.

They could go out tomorrow morning and go to the library and the park, maybe take him to a cafe, if funds allow or maybe there's a family swim session on that they could go to? Have a look at your Children's Centre as well. Ours run monthly activities for Dads.

As for the bedtime, I think you're just going to have to start going out abs leave them to it. Call a friend and arrange to meet up next.

Thank you BuddyRuddington! We are still together (just) .... I appreciate the support and suggestions and will definitely give them a go! X

Children naturally decide they prefer this or that parent at different stages. If you allow them to do this, they become more entrenched as they spend more time with the favoured parent, and the other becomes more distant.

So don’t. It’s doing none of you any good. Explain it to your partner, and find a way of making it fun to your son (Daddy is going to do your path, and then I’ll do your story), be firm about the tantrums, he’ll get used to it.

Thank you Luredbyapomegranate - sound advice x

I agree with pp you need to tell him that if he's in this family he needs to act like it. It's his child too and your DS will only get more comfortable with being looked after him if he's given no choice and if dad steps up and fully engages with him. If necessary tell dad that you're leaving for the day and walk out the door and give yourself a solid day off and go see a friend/go to a spa day/whatever will relax you. I hope things improve for you x x x

Hi OP, this is very familiar and I feel your pain! As much as I love my dc I got so tired with having a shadow following me around all day! Tips to move this on are; “ boys night” - popcorn and a slightly scary ( acceptable! ) film so he feels like a big boy having a night with his dad whilst you go out. My son soon really got into this idea and can’t wait for me to leave the house now!

• always get your DH to take him out to do something togeather rather than try to take over at home- just a impromptu trip out together to supermarket , soft play etc. the more it happens the more it will ease up and this will soon pass with his age as he will start to get more interested in his dad. Saying that if he does bedtime you need to be out of the house as it’s been going on too long for him to accept it from his dad if your still about, it will just result in drama xx