Dealing with a "scaredy-cat" 3.5 year old

[marialuisa]

I'd be really grateful if you could give me your experiences of just how scared it is reasonable for a 3.5y old to be.

I ask because we found out this morning that DD is effectively "excused" R.E. because she finds it so terrifying. The teachers take her out to help wash paint pots etc. because she finds some of the stories (e.g. David and Goliath, Moses) so upsetting. We knew she had a real problem with death/dying (said to her great-gran "mummy says your 85 and that's nearly 100 and people die when they're 100 and i don't want you to die")but we're just realising that she's scared stiff by things that many kids would take in their stride. Last night she wouldn't contemplate looking at her reading book because it was too scary.

So, is this a phase and a product of an over-active imagination? How do we deal with it? Even CBeebies is off-limits at the moment because she thinks the Magic key stories are horrible (as do we, but for different reasons )Her school is great and obviously censoring things more than we realised but not everyone's going to be so helpful...

just to add, we don't have (and have never had) problems with ghosts,monsters etc.

The problem seems to be with people geting hurt/dying and the "it's just a story" doesn't work because as she likes to point out "it can happen though"..

marialuisa, my dd is 3.8 and has a thing about dying at the moment. (She told me i was gonna die when i have the new baby ).
MUST go out now but will come back to this later++++

I'm at my wits end also with ds who has just turned 6. He's got a chart at th moment because he keeps getting his sister 7 to get in bed with him because he is scared. Last night after putting them to bed ( they share a room ) I heard them moving about and went up. She was in his bed and he said he was scared -AND he has a lamp on, AND the door is open AND he shares a room AND his bigger sister is in room next door.
I feel bad because i really shouted at dd7 for getting in to bed with him and I have said she is to come and tell me if he is asking her -then I feel bad telling her to get out of bed.
He never plays upstairs and if he need a toy has only just started to be 'brave' enough to go up by himself.
I'm a terrible if dh is away( I can't sleep etc etc )but I'm certain he doesn't know that but perhaps he is picking up on something.
How we will ever get him back into own room I've no idea.

night waking must be hell. We don't have anything like that thank god.

angeliz-that must be really lovely to deal with atm!

bump

Anyone else with a 3 year old???

when ds1 was 3, and 4, there were many stories that his nursery couldn't read because he thought they were too scarey. The Three Billy Goats Gruff was the main offender and he would burst into tears on sight of the book. There was a page in Daisy and the Beastie, that we could never ever turn to!!! The nodding dog on the churchill ads used to send him screaming out of the room!!

There are still many, many videos and TV progs that he will not watch, FInding Nemo, The Little Polar Bear, Thunderbirds, Scooby Doo etc. He will however watch hours and hours of David Attenborough.

He is nearly 6 now and gradually is taking more things in his stride. I'm quite glad about most of the things he won't watch!!!

I think they just become more rational about things as they get older. His fears about dying seem to have gone too, they peaked around 4.

So for us it is passing off, but I think he will always be that bit more timid than most.

We had a similarish problem with my DS(4) after Halloween. He understood the concept that it was just people dressing up but then made the link to 'well it could be bad people dressed up' couldn't it. How would we know the bad people from the good people if they are all dressed up as baddies, kindof thing.

We tried all the rational stuff like 'what do bad people look like anyway - htey don't ususally go around dressed up as witches and ghosts' etc etc.

He was scared to in any room where there wasn't a grown up even although you can see from the living room into the kitchen wasn't happy in the lving room even when I was preparing tea. We had to put DD and DS into bed together in our bed and stay until he fell asleep - under the duvet!

We've just stayed very low key about it - not made a fuss. Gradually he is getting back to normal - although he is still coming into our bed in the small hours!

Feezy - just a small question - why don't you let them go into bed together if it reassures your DS and your DD is happy to do it? You can always move them back into their own beds once they are asleep????

ok, now just feeling grateful that it doesn't disturb her (our) sleep!

The things she's scared of just seem weird though. Halloween fears I understand, but being upset by the story of Adam & Eve?

I think it comes from the same place though - an overactive imagination!

I think the language of bible stories can be quite scarey. In order to make the good seem good the baddies have to be really good - like exagerating the differences for effect!

I would imagine all teh snakes and eating poisoned apples could be quite scarey to a 3.5 year old!

No, she's not scared of the snake, she gets upset because God tells them off....beginning to wonder if this isn't linked to her pathological need for approval. What have we done??

thanks, feeling better that she's not too weird. just chosen unusual demons.