Sleep

[alicefleur]

My 18th mth DS is a nightmate to get to sleep in his cot. He spends all the time next to us on the couch & then comes into bed with my DH & I through the night. He screams the place down & gets in a dreadful state if I try to leave him. Am I making Hell for myself or will he just grow out of it?

i think you already know this isnt ideal.....im not goona judge having had 2 fab sleepers and one who slept 3 hours out of 24 9and yes that was usually with me ) i think this is a hard habbit to break and you need to take steps to get sorted speaking from experienceat 18 months they dont take up much room but once they hit 5 things get cramped and having him constantly around you isnt good for him to grow and develop having said that u cant break 18 month habits in any great speed not being a fan of controlled crying at all (for some its a success for me its not happening) how i managed it was putting him in his cot with my jumper or top that id worn that day (not that im smelly ) wrapped around a bear id stay in the room reading then leave then go back then leave and gradually not go back....in the day id lie down on my bed with him get him to sleep them move away but as soon as i heard him id get there quick gradually he got a little used to it but he never enjoyed it-weve never been over strict about bedtime and as hibs wrks long hours some times a late night is the only way to see daddy that day and we operate a no noise no fuss and you can stay policy downstairs (obviously with limits)it works for us....the only thing id change about this would be to alternate the bear we now have a 7 yr old attatched to a scanky decrepit pnda bear .....good luck -u cant always live by a text book u gotta find your own ways- a health visitor i know lets her kids sleep on the settee most nights!!.....

Look up Dr Sears Attachment Parenting or read Deborah Jackson THree in a Bed to reassure yourself.

"Rod for your own back" gah - children bedsharing with parents is the norm everywhere except in the West, and putting children in their own beds is really recent even in our own culture (Victorian - to do with their crazy ideas about hygiene).

It doesn't mean he'll spend the rest of his life wanting to share your bed.

There are lots and lots of co-sleepers here who would just applaud you for being so responsive to your child.

Right or wrong, you're not alone. I'm a single parent, my DS is 2, and has always been a poor sleeper. I have tried numerous things, and I've come to the conclusion that he is just a very cuddly little boy, who likes to have Mummy close by. Trying to force him to sleep away from me was just too painful and stressful for us both. So I've given up, and accepted that he'll sleep in my bed for now. It won't be for ever. But I truly believe that I am responding to his needs and his personality, and if I try to impose a different regime on him he'll be very unhappy. Some things you can change, some are inherent I reckon.

Thanks for your reassurance. I'm very interested to follow up some or the reading. i just feel there is so much pressure for us to parent a certain way & when i dont follow it I question if I'm being terrible to my children.

I think you should do whatever feels right for you. My sister is a single mum of 3 and her youngest son who will be 4 in march sleeps with her and has done since he came out of his cot.
She feels she should get him into his own bed (due to pressure from other people,and occasionally me) but at the end of the day its her son and her choice.
She says Im cruel sometimes that my 10 month old dd sleeps in total darkness in her own room
as her 9 and 12 yr old have to have a light on.