It would take me all day to explain my daughter’s personality but I’ll try to summarise.
Tricky baby, seemed angry from the second she was born. Spoke early, super charming, gorgeous, smart.. just bad temper. Struggled to contain emotions (at home, well behaved and lovely when others around). Very clingy to me, always struggled with attachment. Never liked me leaving her.
Middle child of 3, sister 2.5 years older and brother 8 years younger. Parents still together. Safe, happy, stable home. No trauma, no grief. Pretty bloody lovely life to be fair.
Used to hit/ pinch her sister regularly up to about 9 years old. Still does sometimes. Gets cross quickly, also gets very excited, happy, loves chatting, great at making friends, reading people (so rules out autism I think). Seems to have always suffered with extreme emotions. Switched emotions very quickly. Flies off the handle but doesn’t hold a grudge and actually fairly easy going.
Diagnosed with dyslexia at 8 which felt like an explanation for her disorganisation, getting angry at homework…
Never been able to really follow through with tasks alone, gets very excited, starts something, looses interest quickly. Gets obsessed with certain things and then a couple of months later not interred. Has zero patience, acts like it hurts her to wait for things (although seems to mask this well in social situation and actually appears very grown up compared to friends with turn taking, sharing…).
Needs lots of encouragement and reminding to get through shower, get dressed, tidy bedroom… even at 11 (is this normal?? No concept if time, she’ll start rearranging her desk when I’ve told her three times to get dressed as we are leaving in 5 minutes. I often have to stand over getting cross to get her to do anything at all. Is this my fault for micromanaging her? Or have I micromanaged because she doesn’t actually get anything done without me on her back??) it’s exhausting and harder as she gets older.
Always had a slight fear of sick, in the summer she saw a relative being sick which triggered horrific anxiety. Months of her struggling constantly with anxiety, not wanting to do anything, go anywhere… lots of tears. She was a shell if her former fun personality. I stuck at it and forced her to continue everything as normal, she saw the school councillor and I would now say she’s on her way to being better. Still waking up lots in the night worried and some school resistance.. but it’s slightly less all consuming. Although we still have bad days.
In the last month she’s started to fly off the handle, like CRAZY. Screaming so loudly you would think she was being murdered, throwing things, repeatedly banging her bedroom door.. These episodes can last for an hour or so, swinging from hatred and aggression to sobbing and then back again over and over.
I’m a strict but fair parent, she has screen time and other privileges removed for her behaviour but always explain emotions are normal and anger is okay, how we respond is what isn’t acceptable. I give her time to cool off bit never dwell on things, always tell her nothing she could do would make me love her less… follow all the advice from the experts.
I’ve read every parenting book there is over the years and other than the odd day when I’m really struggling and I loose it I’m okay at staying pretty calm (11 years of practice, haven’t always been so good at that one).
She’s also started constantly chewing things, ends of pens, rubbers, bluetac. I think this could be anxiety related but she’s always struggled to stay still. Constantly clicking knuckles or fiddling with something. It drives me insane.
My next step is to talk to the school, see what behaviours they are seeing. They are always very happy with her at parents evening though, say she’s polite, kind.. She says she’s happy and everything is good at school. I can see she’s clearly got lots of friends and is actually pretty mature in her friendships, avoids the drama. Seems like she’s the voice of reason and also the fun one everyone wants to be friends with. She’s confident and definitely not a follower. Seems to really understand people and is incredibly observant.
So my question is, how normal is this behaviour? I know there is no normal. I know she’s clearly a child who struggles with emotions. How much of this is just her lovely, gorgeous, funny yet sometimes infuriating personality and how much is likely to be a real issue that needs diagnosis and an action plan?