Potty training struggles

[Veebs21]

Hi lovelies,

Hoping for some potty training advice. My DD is coming up to 3 years 4 months and is still in nappies. I’ve always been in the camp of “she’ll get there when she gets there” but now wondering if I need to be more proactive and how. Here’s a background:

1. She is on the path for a potential autism diagnosis. She can and does talk (a lot!), communicates her needs and wants around the house just fine - her social communication & attention is what she struggles with more and what we are working through with SLT.
2. At home we started with being naked waist down probably around the late summer. After a few accidents, she quickly got that she had to take herself to her potty when she needed a wee, and continues to do so. She will also do this when just in pants for the most part - however she just takes herself off to go, she doesn’t tell me she needs it, which I’m guessing could be a problem going forward.
3. Add jeans/leggings and she completely forgets what she has to do. Just asking her if she needs to go gets a straight no every time. And when we try to encourage her to sit on semi regularly, she has a meltdown. Sitting on the potty has to be entirely her call.
4. Pooing still freaks her out and apart from a handful of times when I think she’s not been able to stop it (always goes to the potty in this instance) she demands a nappy or pants on and really cries if I try to encourage her to sit on the potty. My friend’s LG got horrendously constipated because of fear or pooing in the loo so obviously don’t want that to happen.

What should I do? Just wait a little longer? We’ve done reward charts (isn’t bothered), and sweet rewards, big praise of course, reading potty books together etc etc. I think what’s most tricky is that she isn’t bothered when she wees herself, I can just look across and see she’s wet, so that’s not really a deterrent. And she’s tried to poo in pants before too, knowingly.

Any tips or experiences? If it’s a wait it out situation then fine but I don’t want to be doing her wrong by not assisting her better in making the transition.

Wanted to add she goes to preschool 5 days a week now, so know they have a big input. But feel like she’s not really in a place where I can just let them deal with it as I think she’d be having more accidents than successes? The whole “big girl”/look at what all your friends are doing thing doesn’t really have much pull with her because of her social struggles/indifference.

Bump Anyone have any words of advice/experience?