School have called social services because my 9yo has anxiety

[Nikki037297]

So basically the father of my children passed away when my son was 4, I’m with a new partner and have been for a while. Things are fine he’s supportive. My child hadn’t dealt well with the death of his father and has had counselling sessions on and off for a couple of years. His brother who is 1 year younger has no issues with any of this and has not had to undergo counselling. On the first day back after Christmas my son didn’t want to go to school. Cried all morning worried something bad would happen at school. I talked with his teacher she said they would look after him. He seamed ok. The next day I got called in for a meeting saying my child is very worried about coming home incase something bad happens. At this point they told me they already called social services on me. I asked what bad things they said they need to bring my son in, but he may well not be coming home with me! My son came in and said he was worried we would have a horrendous night, the teacher asked him what does horrendous look like at his house he said that someone doesn’t sleep all night or he can’t get to sleep the he’s tired tomorrow. They said that was fine but he shouldn’t have these worries (they know my 5yo doesn’t sleep great he’s on sleeping meds thag don’t work every single night) so they told me my son needed So much more love tonight and if I didn’t promise to do this they would not allow him to come home with me. I don’t know why they kept saying this as he’s always loved but they said it had to be much more then go back first thing in the morning with him. So I took him home we had a good night he struggled to get to sleep as he sometimes does. We went for the meeting in the morning he told them it was 5/10 so they were ok with that even though I tried so hard to give him the best night he said it’s because I wouldn’t allow him to play on his iPad all night long i took it away at 9pm. Then last night I got a call from social services and they want to come out next week to do an assessment. I’m so scared at what will happen Iv not slept for 2 nights and Iv don’t know what to think or do and worry they will think my child isn’t feeling loved and will take him away. He is loved but the way the school kept saying they were not going to allow him to come home with me unless I showered him with love all night long.
My head is battered by it all. Has anyone been through this? How did it all end?

This all sounds very odd OP and tbh something isn't adding up. You're under no obligation to but are you definitely disclosing the whole story as I can see why ss might want to support you but it all sounds very far fetched. Sorry you're having such a rough time x

It is very odd it’s got my head battered they said they need extra support in place to help my 5 year old moved schools. And she thinks social care will help get the children with disabilities team involved and get things moving much quicker as my 5yo has never done a full day

I can understand them wanting to help but I can't understand them basically threatening to remove him from your care which it sounds like they're saying? I do hope it all goes ok. Just be honest and always keep the focus on what's right for your child and I'm sure it'll be fine x

So sorry that you’re going through this. Just wondering if you or your son are getting any support from the charity Winston’s Wish for his grief?

omg that is terribble.

He’s not getting any support at this moment. He is on a waiting list now for chams as he’s been saying he has voiced in his head at night stopping him from sleeping. The school told me in the meeting they were very concerned about my son and he was unstable. They had not a single concern about my other children who they had put into the after school club, they only had concern about my 9yo and said they had never seen a child in this state before and if I didn’t shower him with love they would not let me take him home. But did not mention me not taking my other children home what so ever only my 9yo. Emotionally unstable they said. When they brought him into the meeting Iv never ever seen him act in this way, he looked pale, his eyes were moving all over the room and he kept saying I’m scared about this and I’m scared about that and I’m scared it will get too cold and the doors will freeze and I’ll get locked in this school and I’m scared I won’t get much sleep tonight. He had not said one bad word about me and the school told me Iv done nothing wrong, but they had major concerns about my child’s emotional state he hadn’t done one single piece of work all day.
Once he came home he was absolutely fine!!! Happy smiley, but then couldn’t sleep. Yesterday he cried again he didn’t want to go to school he was being bullied and I eventually got him there and the teachers who had the meeting with me came out to get him into school he was crying and didn’t want to go, they have since moved him tables away from this boy but he’s came out of school upset over the new person he’s sat next too. It seams like he’s not happy in school what so ever. I still don’t see why they said to me if I didn’t shower him with love that night he wouldn’t be coming home. It has really unsettled me for the teachers to use those words about my child towards me. He’s been in that school a good few years and Iv not had issues like this with them.

If he's that upset abs has voices in his head, I'd take him back to the GP on Monday abs push for a referral to a Paediatrician.

Whatever happens I would honestly consider removing him from this school. Sometimes you do have to keep a child in a place of safety and stop parents from taking a child home but this is usually if they're in imminent danger eg you've witnessed severe violence against the child or they've disclosed sexual abuse. It's really not uo to teachers to police emotional problems in such a draconian way. Your child is 9 he isn't daft. He will be picking up on them basically making these threats. Tell them that he WILL be going home with you and that if they have a problem with this they can call the police. I would be refusing to take him back there if it was me. They have every right to involve social services but they have no right to be this forceful on you and it is likely to be what's fuelling your son's anxiety x

I mean a school saying shower him with love is strange, odd and rediculous.
I do this job for a living and yes when children say that they’re scared of going home we look into why. The fact that social services are coming to do an assessment would indicate that somewhere your child has been or is at risk of significant harm and that threshold is pretty high area depending.

Not being funny but it doesn’t add it either you’ve had intervention or stuff happen in the past but social services do not come out and do assessments over a child saying they have a bad night at home.
If that was the case I’d have them on my door all the time when I confiscate the Xbox
Hope you manage to get the support you need

With my 5yo being the way he is the school are so desperate to get the childrens disability team involved and this team are not getting back or picking the case up and they school have said it would benefit my whole family they do days out and respite but I do all of these myself we go to theme parks, zoos, out for meals; down the beach, we go for walks to the park a few times a week, so the school have said it SS get involved even just for a short while this disability team will pick it up much faster. But honestly if that’s what all this is about I’m going to say I don’t want this disability team involved I have my 5yo sen meeting this week and I’m so immensely stressed by all of this. My 5yo is a different child in school to what he is at home he’s much easier at home to look after than when he’s in an open plan school trying to escape. At home he’s happy and relaxed and just potters around.

@Nikki037297 yes going anywhere is so hard for my son he's undiagnosed yet but some theme parks offer the que pass that is amazing but without a diagnosis nothing can be done as when he quing for long times he starts flapping and will turn into a full meltdown I had to speak to the people when we was at Drayton Manor and they luckily saw how my son was not coping and they gave us 10 pass for rides . I would definitely look at maybe moving his school after all this situation is sorted I don't like it when people just approach and ask questions even though I haven't done anything wrong they sometimes say words I do not understand and I find it hard speaking to people I don't know. And for school to say show him.more love is outrageous why wouldn't they say this before and suddenly out blue is bit strange how your son said he didn't want to go ij then it turned to being at home I bet he feels like the teachers don't understand him it's hard to understand what is happening in our child's head . Xx sending you positive vibes keep us updated

@Nikki037297

So basically the father of my children passed away when my son was 4, I’m with a new partner and have been for a while. Things are fine he’s supportive. My child hadn’t dealt well with the death of his father and has had counselling sessions on and off for a couple of years. His brother who is 1 year younger has no issues with any of this and has not had to undergo counselling. On the first day back after Christmas my son didn’t want to go to school. Cried all morning worried something bad would happen at school. I talked with his teacher she said they would look after him. He seamed ok. The next day I got called in for a meeting saying my child is very worried about coming home incase something bad happens. At this point they told me they already called social services on me. I asked what bad things they said they need to bring my son in, but he may well not be coming home with me! My son came in and said he was worried we would have a horrendous night, the teacher asked him what does horrendous look like at his house he said that someone doesn’t sleep all night or he can’t get to sleep the he’s tired tomorrow. They said that was fine but he shouldn’t have these worries (they know my 5yo doesn’t sleep great he’s on sleeping meds thag don’t work every single night) so they told me my son needed So much more love tonight and if I didn’t promise to do this they would not allow him to come home with me. I don’t know why they kept saying this as he’s always loved but they said it had to be much more then go back first thing in the morning with him. So I took him home we had a good night he struggled to get to sleep as he sometimes does. We went for the meeting in the morning he told them it was 5/10 so they were ok with that even though I tried so hard to give him the best night he said it’s because I wouldn’t allow him to play on his iPad all night long i took it away at 9pm. Then last night I got a call from social services and they want to come out next week to do an assessment. I’m so scared at what will happen Iv not slept for 2 nights and Iv don’t know what to think or do and worry they will think my child isn’t feeling loved and will take him away. He is loved but the way the school kept saying they were not going to allow him to come home with me unless I showered him with love all night long. My head is battered by it all. Has anyone been through this? How did it all end?

I read that he has voices in his head of a night. Have you asked him what the voices are saying to him? I would push to see a child's mental health nurse. Bless his little heart and I wish you all the luck in the world.

X

Yea the voices are of the boy from school the dr seams to think he’s just over thinking things and these are not hallucinations he’s just very worried about going to school and at night when it’s time to settle down is when his mind starts acting up. I had a phone call after the gp made that phone call too chams and they are going to give my son councilling

I'm a GP. True 'psychosis' as in what you see in schizophrenia would be virtually unheard of in a preteen child. I wouldn't get bogged down with a particular psychiatric diagnosis and would just practice firm but calm and patient parenting and focus on the emotional distress that what has happened has caused him and be demanding good quality counselling either through school or CAMHS as this is undoubtedly what he needs to process what's happened. I do hope things pick up for you both x x

Thank you that has really made Me feel at ease about the voices, he’s still waiting for the counselling but he did have it for over 1 year when his father passed away and everyone thought it had helped for a while but I hope it definitely helps this time found for him

Dont take him out of school as PP^^ they may think you are trying to hide something.
I dont get why they are telling you to 'shower him with love' its a bit odd to tell a parent that after all thats what your doing
See what SS say , I can kind of see where the school are coming from but they cannot say that your son will not be going home with you thats not their call , that will only increase yours and your sons anxiety more

What happened op?