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Feeling hopeless with 1 year old

7 replies

Cazzyandthebabe · 06/01/2022 18:16

Hello. My baby boy is about to turn 1 and I'm feeling sad about it as I really hoped by now things would feel better. He was an incredibly unsettled newborn and suffered from terrible reflux and digestive issues etc. These have definitely improved but I still find every day with him a total slog with very little pleasure or connection. He seems constantly stressed out and on high alert. He spends a lot of time whining and clinging onto my leg to be picked up (then trying to grab at anything and everything when he is up). He just seems constantly dissatisfied and I spend every waking minute trying to please him. He is seemingly only interested in activities that will cause him harm and when I try and engage him with something (like a nursery rhyme) he will shun me. He is very physically active (does not stop!) and able, was walking at 9.5 months, but I wonder if this has meant the more cerebral side is a bit behind and that's why I'm feeling a lack of engagement/communication from him? He is my second and I never had this issue with my daughter who I understood and felt totally connected with by the time she was this age. I guess I'm wondering if I'm just comparing him to my first or if there is something else going on with him. Has anyone else had a similar experience with a baby? Is it normal to feel this way almost a year in? I do give him lots of love and (all my!) attention but I'm really not enjoying spending time with him sadly ☹️

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
madroid · 06/01/2022 18:24

I don't think I'd worry about anything being wrong with him. He does sound like a bit of clingy/fussy baby.

Could you try starting to train him to amuse himself for say 15-20 mins bouts?
Start him off with a toy then move away or just be occupied with something else. Try to time it so that you re-engage with him before he starts to want you to build his confidence that you will be interested in him again.

Remember though, this too shall pass, it will be just a phase and get much better when you can go out more/go to play groups/sessions.

AliceW89 · 06/01/2022 20:29

Sounds like my DS. Hideously unsettled newborn then a perpetual clingy, crying, fuss pot from 4 months onwards. Looking after him was a joyless slog as well. Only difference is he didn’t walk until after 1.

I can only speak from experience but as he got more ‘cerebral’ he has got hugely better. Probably from about 15 months onwards - overnight he suddenly seemed to understand everything and words started coming thick and fast. His movement became more refined and less explosion like. Basically he grew out of being a baby and is actually now a pretty easy 20 month old - still loves being carried and doesn’t like being on his own, but the crying and whinging really is a thing of the past. I swear down ‘high needs babies’ just hate being babies and that’s why they are so cross and intense. Hang in there Flowers

OhHappyDayyy · 06/01/2022 23:13

My DD is exactly the same. Honestly your description fits her to a T, she started walking at 9 months too. She's 15 months now and I really resonate with your sentiments. I posted a thread similar to yours not too long ago. I'm just banking on the fact that eventually she will have to get better, that's what everyone keeps telling me! You have my utmost sympathies, you really do. It's truly exhausting and it sounds terrible but I'm basically counting down to bedtime most days :( BUT I really am taking everyone's reassurances on board and just waiting for the turning point :)

Cazzyandthebabe · 07/01/2022 14:01

Thank you all for your the kind and thoughtful replies, really is reassuring and makes me feel less alone! 😌 As you say, I think time is key, I'm just getting impatient 😂

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Nabz84 · 25/08/2023 18:17

Oh wow!! I could have written this myself. Currently going through this with my daughter 😞 I hate getting out of bed in the mornings as I know how horrible the rest of the day will be

@Cazzyandthebabe did it get any better ? 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Cazzyandthebabe · 29/08/2023 11:04

Hi @Nabz84

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time. It is so so hard with an unhappy baby... just unbelievably draining. I'm not sure if this is your first baby but in case it is I have to reassure you (I'm sure you know!) that it is nothing to do with you or anything you have or haven't done... some babies are just HARD. I know this as my first was normal baby hard (which is still challenging!) but my second was a whole different level and people who haven't experienced it will just not understand!!
As for us, I was surprised to get this notification and read the message as I had totally forgotten about writing it!! But it brought it all back and I'm pleased to say we feel a long way from there now. My son is 2.5 now and still very full on but soooo much better now he can communicate. He's so fun and so clever and when he's in a good mood I love love spending time with him. He is a sensitive soul and knocked off course easily with illness, tiredness or hunger but I can navigate these times much better now and so much of the way he was as a baby makes more sense now I know him as a toddler. He is very particular and a bit anxious and these things must have been really hard for him as a little baby who couldn't let me know how he was feeling. It has been a gradual process but we are in so much of a better place. I really hope things start getting brighter for you soon... make sure you try and get a break if/when you can... it's so important to look after yourself too! Wishing you all the best 

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Nabz84 · 29/08/2023 11:58

@Cazzyandthebabe thank you so much for such a considered and thoughtful reply. It means a whole lot. I will try to stay patient and I’ve saved your message to read again when I need to. Xx

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