feeback from teacher at preschool-really upset me - a bit long-sorry.

[supersonic]

My DD is 3.5 and has been at nursery since Arpil this year. today my friend was asking about her DD and I edged my way in and asked about DD they said that she they had trouble finding things that interested her and her 'tuning in' They have asked her what she plays when she is at home and she replied Barbies (which is does)unfortunately they don't have barbies. I left feelinga bit concerned and rang them when I got home. She explained that when DD arrives she wanders around looking a bit lost and only when an adult prompts her to do something will she do it and it seems she enjoys the craft table and play dough and most definately listening to stories. She said DD didn't seem to be that inquisitive and never just asked for things to play with if they wer einthe cupboard and wouldn't join in an activity without adults. She has a good grp of friends but on Thurs and Fri when there is anothr little girl that attends my DD seems to enjoy herself more apparently. I ahve taken her round her firends hse (only just met them so only the last few wks) and althoughDD does ask me to join in and play sometimes or asks me to look at things she is doing she will go straight in her friends room and play as she does at home. Today when it came to outside play my DD sat ona chair and watched the other children play and with all encouragement from the teacher she just didn't want to play, this really makes me feel sad. Although she has assured me this doesn't reflect on her development I hate the thought of her lacking in confidence so much she doesn't want to interact - althpough it has been suggested she may not be as confident in large grps - any reassuring advice or tips on confidence building and if anyone can answer the question of how important is it for achild to be inquisitive?

Bumping up you

supersonic - I remeber seeing Dr Winston talk about this on that child develpoment programme he is doing. There was this little boy who would prefer to stand back and watch other children play - not always joining in. They explained this that the little boy was very clever and independent - and standing back isnt always a bad thing. Do you think perhaps she prefers one on one play?

My ds can be like this too. He often chooses to play by himself - but as long as he seems happy I dont see a problem with this as long as he interaction is good when he does play iyswim.

From what you have said she just seems a bit unsure, I think that as time goes on and her confidence grows she will rush in and play more. She is still so young, I really wouldnt worry. She sounds like you has a lovely placid nature and this is lovely.

I am sure people will come on and give you loads of advice. please dont worry x

Your DD might be a child who will always be happier in small groups, or just with a special friend. There's nothing wrong with that, every child is different. So long as she is happy going to nursery I wouldn't worry. You could perhaps invite a couple of children to play at home sometimes. About being inquisitive, I think all you can do is make sure she has plenty of books and activities on hand at home.I'm sure you do that anyway. She may be a child who is more a watcher than a doer. That's ok. Just make sure she's not feeling left out. HTH

My almost 3 year old goes to nursery and I wouldn't worry about this at all. Don't want to state the obvious but all children are different. THey can't all be the one's running around confidently. My little boy is obsessed with trains and if they aren't out, I don't know what he does with himself! Plus, nursery can be quite an intimidating place for a quieter child, but it doesn't mean she's not enjoying herself, just that she needs time to get involved. I think if it was me, I'd encourage a few play dates with others in her class. She would get to know them in the comfort of her own home and would feel like she had an a allay so to speak. Hope that helps a bit, don't worry too much.

This doesn't sound uncommon to me at all. Did you ask if other children do the same? I bet there are a few.

As the others have said, your dd is obviously happy to watch and observe at times. Although it appears worrying to us doting parents, i am sure she is not sad.

She is watching, learning and taking it all in, preparing for a big explosion of activity which will shock the nursery staff one day! lol

If your daughter is one of the younger ones in the class she may prefer to observe the older ones and of course she is learning through this. I think the inquisitive point is that at about 3 yo they are expected to be real sticky beaks asking lots of questions but maybe she does this with you but not at nursery? She sounds alot like some of the children in my dd's class (she has just turned 4 yo) but I have noticed that since some of them have turned 4 they are almost different children in that they are much more outgoing. After school clubs like ballet and dance seem popular also so perhaps your dd would enjoy something like that for confidence.

My daughter is 2.5 and goes to nursery 4 days a week. Sometimes she joins in and other times she doesn't, preferring to do something by herself like look at a book or build a tower. The other day we were at my sister-in-law's and she was playing with her three cousins upstairs. It all got a bit rowdy and she came down saying she didn't want to play any more. I think she wasn't used to that kind of play, being an only child. Later when they were all watching telly, she sat behind a chair and played a little fishing game, which really surprised me. She never even lifts the lid on her toy box, so I guess she isn't inquisitive in that way, just plays with whatever is out. I hadn't really thought of it as a problem - they might be just content with what they've got!

My ds is very much like this & he is now 5.
I had the pre-school adviser round to my house b4 he started school, as nursery were concerned that he was very withdrawn & needed encouragment to settle 2 an activity etc.
I was out of my mind with worry, but by the time he left nursery (around 6 mths later) he was loads better.
He is now at primary school & he appears 2 have gone back 2 some of his old ways (which I guess was 2 be expected)
At first I was getting myself upset again about him not focusing & mixing as well as is expected, but now realise that he has made huge improvments over the last year!
Accademically he is doing great & he has even made 2 little friends!
As a mother with lots of experience in this problem, I understand fully why you are worrying, but be assured it will get better & some children just find the chaos of nursery & school a little over bearing!