16 Month Old - Development Delay?

[Kinnney]

This is super difficult for me to put out there but I'm hoping to get some opinions/advice/reassurance because I need to stop spending so much time on google as I'm slowly driving myself mad.

I have a 16 month old son who is the absolute light of my life. We went through several rounds of IVF to have him and we can't believe we're so lucky to be blessed with him.

The thing is, the last few months we've noticed that he's a bit different. I try not to be obsessed with milestones but I admit to spending too much time on google the past few months.

He doesn't point or wave, he never has. If I point, he'll just look at my hand. But he has recently started to point at one thing in one book when I ask him to (a mouse on one page in his favourite book). He claps when he wants to, rarely and not on demand. He babbles but only has one word which he uses occasionally, ball. He can't self feed with a spoon, has no interest in it at all. But he loves to eat with his hands and has done since he was 6 months old with no issues.
He's a solemn little chap but he smiles and has a brilliant laugh when he wants to (mainly at tickles, rough and tumble play, silly songs and TV). He's not very affectionate unless he's tired. He has great eye contact (when he's not running around) but only responds to his name some of the time. He adores books and spends literally hours per day bringing different ones to me to read to him. He seems to have a sensory thing about cushions where he will carry them around and push his face into them and laugh. It's a quirk he's had since he started to walk at 10 months.
I can't tell whether his understanding is good - if I ask him to bring me a certain toy, he will about 50% of the time.

He just doesn't seem to engage with us. When I play peekaboo for example, he never does it back. He watches for a second and then zooms off. He doesn't seem to stay still long enough to concentrate on anything at all, there's just no engagement in play whatsoever. He just wants to run around and won't play with me/watch me so I can't help with his speech and development when he won't stay still long enough for me to show him things. He just shows no interest at all unless he wants me to read him a book. I try so hard every day, I'm a stay at home mum and he has all of my attention every day but it's like talking to a wall and I feel like I'm going insane.

What's made my worries worse is that we just spent some time with family abroad and he spent time with his cousin who is a week younger than him. She's INCREDIBLY advanced for her age, with a 20 word vocabulary, blowing kisses, points, waves, claps, dances, feeds with a spoon, imaginative play - everything my little boy isn't even close to doing. She has three older sisters and I can only assume that being in lockdown with them has helped her a lot. Either that or she's a child genius. Either way, seeing them side by side just made the difference in development so obvious. It's huge. Family members started to comment on it with some suggesting I look into an autism diagnosis as he's not pointing or engaging. I felt myself starting to get defensive which isn't like me at all.

I've spoken to my health visitor who seemed to think he was a typical lazy boy and told me to come back to her when he's 2. His GP referred for a hearing test which we're still waiting for. But I don't think it's his hearing as he responds to music.

So if you got this far, thank you for reading the worries of a first time mum. Has anyone had any experience in this? Am I right to be worried?

Aw I feel so bad for you. I have noticed a pattern on these forums (myself included in the numbers) in that 16 months is about the time that we start panicking. The pointing etc isn't considered late until 18 months. And 2 months in developmental time of a little one is yonks!

I had the same worries about my little girl at that age. She didn't use words, she didn't point or wave but could clap. She didn't seem to listen to half of what I said. She wouldn't sit still for books etc.
She's 3 this month and she's wonderful. She is very talkative and now meeting all of her milestones.
She really started taking off with the talking when she was 20 months. By the time she was 2, she was putting 2 and 3 words together.
Just talk to him constantly. Even if you feel he's not listening or taking it in, keep talking. I felt like a commentator at that stage, describing everything I did on a daily basis! 😂 But a speech therapist told me to do it so I did it. I also did lots and lots of nursery rhymes and found she started joining in with them, the actions first, and then adding some words.

I hope this offers you a little reassurance.

I’m just speaking from experience of my own DS and 4 nephews on both my side and DHs side.

All of them, without fail, have either prioritised motor skills, or social/communication skills. Not both. For example, my DS was pointing/clapping/waving by 8 or 9 months. Has a massive vocabulary at 1.5. But he still can’t crawl, only learnt to walk at 16 months and doesn’t have a clue what to do with a ball (despite being able to name it). One Dnephew is similar. The other two were walking before 1 and running/climbing/kicking balls before 1.5. Very advanced with gross motor, but slow with social and communication - one only says ‘mama’ now at 1.5, no other words. Absolute chalk and cheese compared to his same aged cousin, my DS. My nieces (2 of them) seem to be better at doing a bit of both simultaneously and seemed so much more advanced between 1-2 then the boys do/did.

Now this is obviously anecdote and if you are worried I’d bypass your HV and go to your GP. But nothing you have said is grossly concerning - the only thing I’d keep my eye on is that his pointing develops over the next 3 months.

Totally agree with the two PPs but I would do the MChat test, even if it's just to put your mind at rest.

If it dies show that he is at risk of having ASD then I'd recommend booking an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to a Paediatrician for an assessment.

According to this from ICan he seems to be meeting his speech and language milestones

Thanks for your comments everyone, I really appreciate you taking the time.
Our GP referred for a hearing test and said that even if something is off regarding his behaviour, nothing can be done until he’s 2.
Im hoping the next few months bring about some changes.

It's good that he's getting the hearing test.

Just wondered if you'd done the MChat?

I did, he scored a 4 which is medium risk. I think that’s because I had to answer no to any pointing related questions. I’ll do it again when he hits 18 months because I think that’s what it’s aimed for?
I’m so sick of being stressed about it now. I know I need to chill out and learn to be patient but it’s really difficult.

Some of the concerns you have seem similar to mine.
He doesn't respond to his name. But he has great eye contact and is saying and understanding some things we say.
He will copy some things we do too.
I was and still can be very worried at times that he is behind other children his age.
But we need to cut ourself a bit of slack I think, it has been a pandemic and the socialisation hasn't been the same as normal really.
All children progress differently too.
Waiting on hearing test too.
Please message me though if you have worries, I think it's nice sometimes to speak to others with similar worries...just so you don't feel alone x

This was like my son and he was late to advancement. He only really started to do all the things expected around 2/3. I wish now I'd looked into getting therapy for him much earlier. My son now is far more affectionate but quite socially awkward.

Hello! Very aware this is an old thread but wondered if you have an update OP? Reading this was like reading about my own child who’s currently 17 months.

@BoyMom776 @Kinnney hey do you have any updates on how your little ones are now? I have similar concerns would appreciate an update. Thank you x

@Chzm hello. So sorry for the delay in reply. My little one is almost 3 now and I’m still not really sure if he has autism or a developmental delay or something else. He’s a very social little boy, but still doesn’t talk or behave like a typical 3 year old in some ways.

He’s had grommets fitted a couple of months ago as we still weren’t sure if his glue ear was playing a part, and so far I’m not sure they’ve made much difference. We’re currently waiting for speech and language input. He had an assessment done by them a while ago and they agreed he had a social communication delay and would require some SALT input. The waiting list for that in my area is very long. We’re also waiting for an appointment with a developmental paediatrician.

Sorry I can’t give a clearer update, but we’re just a little bit in limbo tbh. He’s a very happy little boy most of the time, and gets his point across well even though he doesn’t talk haha but it would be nice to have a clearer picture of what’s going on with him so I’ll update if I ever get that :)