overwhelmed with 2 year old

[julantal]

i'm 6 months pregnant, have a husband who thinks i should "get over it" and i feel truly overwhelmed on certain days with my two year old acting like a complete maniac. I'm scared taht all i do is yell at her- i get short tempered. She refuses naps (which i cherish because i'm exhausted) almost every day. Has begun to climb out of her crib (we have a bed coming soon). I fear the new baby coming and hate most of my days-- cant wait for bedtime for her and feel truly scared. help. suggestions on naps, quiet time. Ohh yeah what is to prevent her from coming right out of her room when i put her in it with the new bed for nap time and/or quiet time? At least for now shen cant get out of the prib because we lowered it more and have it facing the wall!!!

oh hang in there, lots more posters will be along soon. 2 y olds are very difficult, and you are pregnant and anxious, and oh, just hang in there!

Ooh I feel for you - I have an 8 month old who has just reached the separation anxiety stage and I can't get to the loo whitout him crawling in behind me - I am exhausted with nit being able to even to leave the same room as him so I cannot imagine what it must be like to be 6 months pregnant and have a much more active little one to look after.

No tips for nap times unfortunately as my little one has started napping for 10 mins only, two times a day and is currently refusing to sleep in his cot at night - hopefully somebody much more experienced with children at your childs age will have some good tips

xxx

oh terible twos are hard sometimes im raging my ds stopped napping at two as i loved that hours peace to be me again that bit of peace and quiet broke up the day a bit

have 2yrs 3months between DC2&3. Pregnancy is tiring - and so are two year olds, so logic might be to see if you can get something that she would like to do that would keep her busy / wear her out
are there any activity groups, playgroups or nursery near you that you could do for a couple of mornings? or maybe a childminder for a couple of sessions a week? I'm suggesting all this sort of thing just thinking you need a break of some sort, even if it is a playgroup where you don't leave her, but get a bit of time with other mums and she can rush around with other little ones.
you sound really down. without wishing to plant any ideas in your head, do you think it would be worth getting to your gp or midwife and talking it over? i had depression during and after my second and third pregnancies, and it is an awful place to be. if you think you are in any way heading down this path, get someone to listen now.
keep posting here!

You asked for suggestions:

take her to park as much as possible in morning making her run backwards and forwards until exhausted. then fill with custard or somesuch at lunchtime. then put on very dull DVD... will work wonders...

send to nursery or childminderif you can afford it if not already for half or one or more days. No really. Don't feel guilty and don't listen to Dh if he protests. You need to energy to cope with two and getting a bit of space to sleep while in last trimester will help enormously

remove all furniture she can climb on from bedroom, screw all remaining furniture to wall, remove any dangerous stuff, then fit baby gate to her bedroom. If she gets out of bed, tell her she stays put quietly for an hour regardless. If you can't bear to just leave (and you never know she might like just to sit and look at a book, mine did) then offer bribes with a sticker chart for staying in bed...

drive on motorway for half hour to send her to sleep. Park up in service station. Put seat back and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. drive home

take her to bed with you in afternoon.

swap playdates with friend - gives you a couple of hours free and also having someone else over might distract her for a bit from terrorising you

go to cinema. she'll be transfixed/terrified into silence, you will fall asleep with boredom instantly and only wake up when credits rolling and she wants a wee...

ok. you've got 3 months left to try and establish some sort of routine for your 2 yr old.
make a plan of what your gonna do. get a baby gate across the door of her bedroom. you need lots of activity in the mornings (fresh air is good) and then even if she won't nap, make it a daily routine that you have lunch, and then its quiet time.
thats her watching tv/favourite video (maybe with lots of toys out on the floor aswell) whilst you put your feet up on the settee. you really need to rest up these last few months or you'll make yourself ill. some toddlers are truly awful at this age, you have to just decide which battles are the most important and then maybe let a few of the smaller ones go, otherwise its a constant war zone if they are strong willed!

now, explain to your dh just how EXHAUSTED you are, and that you need some help in the evenings. never mind the house work, maybe if he could do bathtime with dd, followed by story with daddy, that would give you half an hours breather. bedtimes are always tricky in out house, my 2 yr old dd quite often won't go to sleep instantly,and she's up and out of bed a few times most evenings.you just have to keep putting them back, keep the tone of your voice low.

i really feel for you,ive been there myself and had my last 2 children with only 18 months between them. it was the hardest thing ive ever done, its absolutely shattering being pregnant and looking after a tot. but you will find that things will eventually slip into place and you will manage it..you just can't see HOW your going to do it at the moment.when your baby is born, you;ve got your body back and are starting to get a few hours sleep things will seem a little easier.good luck

5goldrings4MONKEYBIRDs fantastic suggestions-i think im stalking you today??!!!we do park or walks and cm once a week for 4 hours-im not pregnant!!also ds is trying not to nap-he fights it!but hes quite happy playing in cot mostly and i listen on baby monitor so all safe.ds seemed to suddenly change on 19th!his 2nd b day-i think excitment of xmas and having dd and ds1 home helps wind him up.
julantal -it will get easier!

I started almost the same thread the other day see here. You are not alone!

ooohh bubble, fab idea getting daddy to do bedtime. we did that too, mummy gets a bit of a rest whilst pg, and DC1 doesn't feel like her routine's all changed when the new baby arrives if mum is busy with the LO in the evening. she and daddy can be big buddies, he will probably find out he likes it too!

I've been there (actually, I still am there!) and it can be sooooo hard.

Totally agree with all the suggestions on here.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Newborn babies are actually pretty easy compared to being pregnant with a two year old in tow. They sleep a lot and can be lugged around quite easily, so try not to be daunted at what's to come. Where you're at now is pretty much as hard as it gets IMO.

And don't be afraid to let your standards slip. CBeebies can be a godsend. The house won't fall down if you don't clean/tidy.

And most of all, remember that virtually every other mother with two babies/toddlers is having the same sort of problems. I reckon I can put on a good 'show' to the outside world of being quite together, but under the surface my little duck legs are paddling away to keep me afloat

YAY. well said spawn chorus!
standards? i don't have standards any more i have three children.

Am also pregnant with a toddler so you have my full understanding and sympathy!!

Lots of good suggestions here too. I wouls second the nursery idea. ds goes one morning a week and it's a godsend and if they go in the morning they are usually nice and tired in the afternoon and will have a nap.

We also have long, deep, bubble baths together. Usually kills 45 minutes , i get to lie down, ds is contained and happy. The floor get soaked but sod it it's only water and it dries on it's own (eventually!)

give your dh a kick up the arse too!

forgot. reminded by bubble bath. swimming. exhausts em right out... surestart round here do antenatal swimming and can take toddlers? for free?

Hi
I logged on to find some encouragement for exactly the same reasons. 37 weeks pregnant with a 14 month old. She climbs on everything, pulls everything off the shelves, tries to pull heavy plants on top of herself and bangs on electronics. We have just moved into a new house (that! was exhausting) and so not everything is baby-proof yet. Plus my partner and I seem to disagree on what 'baby-proof' means. For me it means eliminating frustration. I think he is more about safety. I too feel like a yell at her and that 'no' is the most common word out of my mouth and I hate that. I love her to bits but don't know where I will begin to cope when the second baby arrives. Thank goodness that both my partner and mother will be here for most of Jan. Last time because our baby was late my partner had to go back to work the Monday after we came home from the hospital and my mother three days later. Her husband inconveniently had needed a heart-operation .... ;-) I guess what I am saying is that I am feeling the same way and really enjoyed the tips for toddles, but it is hard when you are so tired yourself and just don't have the energy to remove her from temptation every two minutes. My mother gave me good advice once. She said deal with one issue at a time. properly. but we don't even have a washing line at the moment. We have a c-section schedule for in two weeks (breach) and I am already cringing to think of how hard it will be to recover while the toddler tries to climb up and over you...... anyway, feeling really sorry for myself so thanks for letting me wine...

Agree with what 5goldrings4monkeybirds said!

Also -

Make her lie down on/in your bed with you after lunch, you can snooze and she might too.

Arrange one day (a Saturday or Sunday?) where your DH has her ALL DAY and maybe even overnight. Book yourself into a Travelodge, take a good book, bubble bath and teabags and just veg out for 24 hours. He can cope. He's her dad. It might even make him realise just how much work it is having a 2 year old to yourself for 24 hours is

Get out of the house every day for an hour. Things are better when you're not indoors.

Get a stairgate across her doorway when she's ina bed.

Keep smiling, it won't last forever.

stairgate on the door, one you know she cant open!!

take her out in a morning before lunch, to a toddler group, to the park, to the shops, tire her out then come home, stuff her with hot soup and toast and she'll be sleepy as anything....it still works a treat with my 3yo!!

and the added benefit? you'll be koncked out too!! i used to be able to sleep 2hrs solid in an afternoon when pg with dd, though i do only have 15.5mths between my 2.

when you go to the shop take her to the veg shop to pick some fruit to have after lunch, and let her bag it and carry it home etc....makes the shops more fun for her, easier for you....

Your husband needs to get a fucking grip and stop burying his head in the sand. leave your two year old with him, and vanish for the day. Go to your mums and sleep or something - go to a hotel even!

Put a stairgate across her door, and explain to her that at nap time, she goes up to her room to look at her books quietly in bed. Works a treat with my 2.8 year old, and most of the time she will drop off. I have a 17 mth old as well so really need some time to myself in the afternoon. I find I can control my dd's tantrums if I allow her to do as much as possible - help with housework, dress herself etc.

I have exactly 2 years between my boys and found being pregnant and coping with a newly manic toddler extremely hard! So, don't feel like it's just you at all.
In fact, I was more anxious about having my second than I was about DS1.

I hvae to say I found it far easier to cope once the baby was born, you just do. Your new baby will fit in with any routine you have established and you feel calmer than you did with the first as you've done it all before.

Wearing your DD out as much as possible is a good idea, as is Cbeebies. If she has lots of Christmas presents, try keeping some toys back so that you can introduce them at a later date and "refresh" her playthings when you feel exhausted and she will keep herself amused.
Do you do any craft stuff/painting/colouring/playdough? That can keep them amused for hours and you can at least sit down!
Don't feel bad for wishing them asleep, God, that has been me for the past 3.75 years!!!
Does your DH give you a break? Let him look after your DD for an entire day and then tell you to "get over it"! Since I've started a job on a Saturday and DH looks after the boys he is full of newfound admiration for how I cope during the week

Thanks to everyone that responded. I have a new found light this morning just nice to hear others in the same crap as i'm in that is what i needed. The littel tike is upstaris now in bed with some books and a night-light i figure one hour or so away from eachother is good. I love and cherish all the suggestions. Thanks. One more good one how do i do the transition thing-- from the crib to the "big girl" bed? The bed is ordered and coming soon. Do i give her a choice of beds or do i just focus on new room new bed?

we've recently moved DD (just 2) from cot to toddler bed, around two months ago. at first it was a fab novelty, hooray new bed... then she discovered she could get out. some fab mum on here suggested velcro sheets and velcro pj's. unfortunately they don't exist, but hey.
Anyway - we did huge bed-time routines when we moved the boys from cot to bed, and made sure that it all ran like clockwork (more like a military campaign) so that there was definite & predictable sequence of bath, p-j's, drink and stories, lights off(night light on) and settle down. It soon becomes the 'norm' as small children adore routines, and as they understand what's expected they don't tend to mess about. The boys also moved to a new room at this time, so we really did a lot of talking about big boys/girls bed, big b/g's room etc. they were so excited about it that they had no intention of moving out of room or bed. In each case we've done it as a 'surprise' around the child's second birthday, I wouldn't give a two-year-old such a big choice because it would cause too much stress for them. And me. I chose stuff that I knew they would like because of their interests and personalities, but not too many distractions in it as you want the child to sleep not fuss at the stuff in their room. they have each 'owned' their room at this stage by putting their name plaque/card on the door - themselves. which explains why two out of three are wonky

tbh DS's transition was quite easy really. He didn't make much fuss and we put a stairgate up so even if he got out he couldn't go anywhere.

He fell out quite a bit though in the first couple of weeks so expect a few bumps in the night.

We sat together and watched daddy put his new bed together in the afternoon and then just let him play in it, tuck his animals in etc.