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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

6 replies

TalkToTheHand123 · 30/12/2021 11:26

Hi. Any thoughts / comments most welcome!

My 5 year old daughter spends most of the time at my parents due to my ex and ex's family being a bit of a liability! They love having her and like teaching her things to help at school. Not major, jjst a little pushy which I'm ok with as they did this with me and it really helped.

When she's with me, she's not very keen to follow instructions such as getting ready. She likes to slap, kick and bite me, burps and pumps. She finds this funny. I'm quite chilled out about this but do tell her no everytime and give her warnings she will be going on time out if she pushes too far.

I let her use an old phone to watch youtube and threaten to take this away when she doesn't do as she is told. This seems to always work.

Ideally I wouldn't need to threaten.

My issue is when I'm at my parents who don't like her using any games consoles. They are quite strict so when she burps or pumps, this is major and they get really annoyed and tell her off.

My 5 year old likes to scream also which sends them over the edge. I was there with her yesterday and took her for a couple of time outs. The more time outs, the longer she has to stay there, but does improve her behaviour.

My dad told me not to take her for another time out, so I left it, but then she worked herself for him and my mam.

When I was leaving yesterday I said don't expect her to behave brilliantly or listen, to try get them to not get so wound up, but he said she needs to be told when she's misbehaving.

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Flickflak · 30/12/2021 21:57

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SweetBabyCheeses99 · 30/12/2021 21:58

I think maybe you need to take a parenting course. Does your local council fund them?

TalkToTheHand123 · 31/12/2021 00:11

Why would I need one?

OP posts:
troper678 · 31/12/2021 00:27

My 5 year old daughter spends most of the time at my parents due to my ex and ex's family being a bit of a liability

Why does she not spend the majority of time with you? Or do your parents provide childcare when you're working?

If they are effectively raising your Dd I think it's only fair they have a say and I wouldn't be tolerating that type of behaviour either tbh

TalkToTheHand123 · 31/12/2021 07:55

Sorry, yeah, they have her for when I'm at work. My hours and her school aren't very flexible.

I'm happy for them to have a say, but I don't understand why my dad wouldn't let me take her to time out for a chat when I was doing it because he was getting mad with her behaviour. I've calmed down a bit since then and think I should have stuck to my guns and did it. I think I'll try explain things better next time we chat, ie. that if he is going to get annoyed, he needs to let me be tough with her)

I was more asking / wondering if others had issues with the way grandparents deal with your child.

OP posts:
troper678 · 31/12/2021 10:03

Yeah that's a tricky situation and I've had similar!

My mum & dad only have my Dd one afternoon per week and even that can be tough in terms of discipline.

I've explained that when I'm not there it's their rules and they're free to discipline her as they see fit. However, when I come home from work and we're all there then that's my role.

My dad is also stricter than me so I do see that he's biting his tongues at times. A couple of times I've been softer on my Dd than he would personally be and I've seen him shaking his head at my mum and waking out the room.

I just ignore this as overall my Dd is pretty well behaved (not an angel by any means) but it does make me quite tense when they're around as I feel my parenting is being judged

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