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AWFUL teenage-like behaviour in my 8-yr-old: normal?

7 replies

neighbour · 21/12/2007 08:33

Admittedly he's insomniac and doesn't sleep enough. But still: he's so mouthy and rude (I'm quite strict about that kind of thing) and so violent with his sister, who's 3 years younger.

He's really into The Simpsons. Is that having a bad effect? I mean, with the rudeness especially?

For punishment I have a kind of point system. If he can get to 10 points at the end of the month he can have a small gift. He reaches 10 points maybe 4 times a year, so it's really quite a challenge, and he is buoyant when he gets points, and throws tantrums when he loses them. (Yes, at 8, he still throws tantrums; he has a real temper.)

Up until about age 7, his teachers said he was the most mannerly boy in the class, but now, on two occasions, his teacher has said he's beginning to get a bit aggressive.

He's clever, but has a hard time socially. I think he tends to be left out/bullied a bitthough not in any kid of dramatic waybut I'd hardly know, he is the most private person I've ever met, which is another teenage-like quality.

Is it just him, or please tell me there's some hormone surge or some other explanation for his behaviour. He used to be so sweet. He still can be (about 50% of the time) but is otherwise so awful.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
whispywhisp · 21/12/2007 08:52

Oh dear you are having a tough time aren't you? I have no answers I'm afraid other than I do have a 9yo dd who has her moments but I've been told to put that down to her age/hormones which applies to boys as well.

A lot of children's behaviour depends on what they eat/drink. Does he have a good diet? Ie fruit/veg? Does he drink coke?

I've noticed before now if my dd goes to a party and eats rubbish and drinks fizzy drinks she can be climbing the walls by the end of the day.

Not much help I'm afraid but atleast I've bumped this for you - I'm sure there'll be other Mums out there with similar problems.

Good luck xx

HonoriaGlossop · 21/12/2007 08:53

All I could say I think is don't lose heart with him..and keep on talking to him in the politest way possible. Thinking back this is whatat our parents did with my brother and I - and it really works IMO. They always spoke to us with kindness and respect, and though I remember my mum being a bit exasperated at times and my dad being angry on the odd occasion, for 99% of the time we weren't shouted at. I think if the house is calm and respectful at nearly all times then that can't fail to have an effect...and an 8 year old can be spoken to with huge respect - I think sometimes it's easy to treat them as the kids and give orders and get cross etc......but I honestly think that what goes on in the family is the important thing; kids can see the simpsons till the cows come home without getting rude, if they know that is just not the way we deal with each other in the family....

can you speak to him differently - any scope for that? Ignore me if I am on the wrong track; I just know what worked for my parents and seems to be working for me....

Ubergeekian · 21/12/2007 08:54

I wonder if he has made a new friend at school?

whispywhisp · 21/12/2007 08:56

Oh forgot to add....I ended up having to ban Tracy Beaker from tv because I was beginning to live with a mini version of her.

The other factor in this is 8-9yrs old is a very in-between age - they are neither kids nor teenagers, iyswim. They are clever at this age - they think they know the answers to everything and in my case we get a lot of answering back, in which dd1 is usually wrong!

HG is right - keep the environment calm - don't let him see he's getting to you - they love that and feel they've won.

yulemoonfiend · 21/12/2007 09:11

IME, 8-yr-olds do start to change and I don't know if there are actual hormonal changes happening, but I strongly suspect so. (judging on my ds and the children of my friends.) Mine is now 10 and gone all uber sensitive and worried, but I remember asking around when he was 8 and got tired and sulky and tantrummy and answer-back-y and realising it's part of a stage. No excuse for rudeness though, never hurts to reinforce respect for you and others.

We started giving ours more responsibility and having 'family meetings' (i know, it sounds terribly 'right-on') where we came up with some House Rules to be adhered to. (family rewards for upkeep of house rules).

loopylou6 · 21/12/2007 10:10

yes my 8 year old ds is starting to get to big for his boots, also does the very sulky mysterious thing

whispywhisp · 21/12/2007 13:39

My dd(9) suddenly goes quiet at the most odd moments...I ask her what's up and her reply is 'dunno'. Or she'll suddenly burst into tears - I ask her whats wrong and again its a 'dunno'. I'm certain a lot of kids behaviour at this age, whether boys or girls, is down to hormonal changes.

All I say to dd is she can come and talk to me at anytime and I'll always listen, which is what we do. I also make 'special' time for her - if I take the dogs out in the evenings I take her with me so we can have a chat - I also have a chat with her when she goes to bed - just me and her sat on her bed. So she has plenty of opportunities to talk - there can't be anything worse, imo, if a child doesn't get the time and attention they need from their parents. I had this, myself, to a certain degree with both my parents running their own business and being one of 3 kids - in fact I hardly saw my Dad when I was a child and as a result I will make sure I'm always around for my kids to talk to.

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