3 year old behavior I'm really struggling and cry daily

[wingingit987]

I'm really struggling with my 3 year olds behavior.

His listening is terrible. At home at nursery when we're out. Today when we were in the que for the pharmacy he's stood there holding my hand scratching me squeezing me digging his nails in and biting me, I picked him up as he was getting in peoples way and he hit me.

He ran away from me in the car park when I tried to explain why that was wrong or how dangerous it was he talked over me.

He constantly repeats what you say when your talking to him even if your trying to explain he's done something wrong. Or it you say to please don't do that he says that straight backs

I feel like the worse parent in the world I'm at my wits end I'm shouting at him out of fustration earlier I just had to put him in his room to get away with him.

Everyone says he's hard work, just a normal little active boy but I'm not sure if it's something else.

He hardly ever plays with toys just moves things around the house takes all the stuff off my sofa. If he does play with toys it's destructive.

To make matters worse he's started pushing again not in nursery atm but outside with random children. I literally don't know what to do with him we get through one thing then within a couple of months it's worse than ever.

I honestly do not know what to do.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds really tough and you deserve a break.

Do you have any family / friends to support you?
And additionally have you considered contacting local children's centres / GP / health visitor?

In my experience local children's centres have been fantastic and have a great array of resources in supporting you and your son but I know each area and each parent is different.

It sounds like you're at the end of your tether and that something needs to change and I'd say contacting someone external might be a good place to start so you can share your concerns and talk them through.

Can you ask to have a private chat with your son's keyworker at nursery to share your concerns and see what they have to say and share to help?

I'm sorry things are so tough.
Perhaps one thing to consider if you're tired and exhausted is how you're looking after yourself and whether there is anything you can do to ensure that you're rested and feeling more positive e.g. deep breathing / mindfulness / a nice bath or shower / early night's sleep / gratitude journal / thinking of three things that went well each day / eating well etc

Sending you strength.

I'm so sorry to hear this. You are not alone. You need some help. My 3 year old son shows similar behaviour. I feel he is in charge in our house and I hate it. I guess it can't last forever. I was going to write a similar message asking when behaviour gets better and I saw your message.

@wingingit987 if he's in Nursery, I agree that talking to his Key worker is a good idea to see if they have any concerns.

If he's not listening I'd also speak to the GP and ask for a hearing test.

How's his speech? Has he had any SLT?

And if he's running off, it's got to be reins, however he behaves you just can't risk his safety.

My little boy is 3 in 4 months time and he is exactly how you describe it and I'm afraid he will be like this when he is 3 as well with me going grey at the end of my tether. I don't have any concerns about his development that will suggest he is on the spectrum other than him being hyperactive by nature. he is just like a baby who has started to crawl and exploring everything. I haven't been around toddlers his age a lot to compare him to either although the younger ones I see happily walk alongside their parents whereas mine has to be on reigns or me running after him or carrying him because he is doing something dangerous. My mother struggles looking after him and finds him too much, the childminder found him hard work where we no longer use, a temporary nanny on holiday this summer struggled taking him to the park on her own and asked if I could accompany her. I don't know if this is normal either as there is nothing wrong apart from him wanting to do everything at the same time just like a bull in a china shop but it's too much activeness for any human to handle. You aren't alone op, I hope they grow out of it pretty soon.

I’m so sorry you are going through this, and I feel your pain. Our 4 year old is currently going through a very similar phase, and it is a nightmare. My advice FWIW:

1. Try not to shout. Very easy to say; very hard to do. Most of the behaviour is to get attention, and you’re also teaching him that shouting is the answer/an acceptable thing to do. But whatever you do, please don’t feel bad about shouting: every parent I know does it, and my spouse and I shout at our kids on a daily basis. None of us are perfect, and you’re doing your best.

2. Holding him so he can’t hit/kick etc is a good ‘last resort’ (we are again using this almost daily at the moment!). It keeps him from hurting others, and I think there are other benefits from close physical contact with your child when he is upset.

3. The famed naughty corner is our go-to: he must sit there for one minute for every year of his age (so three minutes for your son). If he comes out, you avoid eye contact, say nothing, and put him back in. This is key: don’t give him attention to reward his bad behaviour. The first few times this takes ages - I think 22 times of putting them back is my record - but after that, it will get easier. The other important thing with this is not to overuse it: you should give a warning that he will go in the naughty corner if his behaviour doesn’t stop, but try to use it sparingly.

4. We have three children, and they’ve all gone through patches of bad behaviour, but mercifully they all so far seem to have been phases, which have all ended, apart from the current bout which has been going on for about a month.

5. Take courage in the fact that you are not alone, and it isn’t just your son who behaves like this. Sure, there are plenty of good kids (or ones that are behaving well when you see them…), but there are plenty more who misbehave. Someone also told me ages ago that “they’ll get you at some point”: a child who is a good toddler may be an awful teenager, etc. Here’s hoping our respective children are having their ‘bad’ period now, and will be great teenagers!

Good luck! :)

Consider autism as a possibility. Echolalia could explain the repeating. Sounds like he's not understanding in the way you would expect. Consider a referral to speech therapy, specifically mentioning the repeating. The play and danger issues are very significant too. All of the behaviours seem to fit.

3 is a really tough age. Dd (5) hates being told off and I read something to try which was to refocus on me and say "I don't like being hit" or "I won't let you hit me" then what behaviour we wanted from her so for example "I like it when you use kind hands" or " it's good when you hold mummy's hand near the road".

It's really hard and I still catch myself going to tell her off but we've had a lot of success with it. Also putting names to how they are feeling. "It's frustrating to have to wait isn't it? But you are doing so well" I really recommend Janet Lansbury books. Good luck.

I’ve been having same issues as well with my almost 4 year old boy but I feel like it’s just with me or my partner. In nursery they say generally he’s fine I haven’t heard anything bad about him to be really concerned about. He runs off a lot he ran into the road today luckily the cars were going slow it was a small residential road and they were careful. I got hun just in time and it happened before so I’ve just put some safety wrist things off Amazon. I also feel the same. Feel like a rubbish mum with everyone else having well behaved children. He just doesn’t not listen. I’ve started to do the timeout on the naughty step with the 3 minutes and giving 2 warnings pre timeout.l and explaining in a calm way why he’s on there and ask him to reflect on his behaviour. Its seems to work at times at home but outside is a different thing. You’re doing great! You’re not the only one :)

Hi I’m going through the same with my current 3yo boy. Can anyone who has commented tell me it gets better?!?!? I’ve heard 4 is better? Please 🙏🏻😂😅

Hi I'm really struggling with my nearly 3 year old girl, she's starting to become very defiant and doesn't ever want to listen to absolutely anything... I'm really tearing my hair with this one as I'm struggling myself and waiting for support with this and other issues that are going on. I don't have alot of support and my partner works alot and his family are occupied on the other grandson more than my 2 children.

Just with my daughter I'm trying not to shout but she is literally pushing me to my limits on a daily basis. She doesn't give a hoot about anything and has started to laugh in my face and just generally be very difficult and I seriously don't know what to do.

Please don't give me a hate as really don't need that right now on top of everything else. I am a mumma that's trying her absolute best but feel I'm failing miserably on a daily basis.

Solidarity here! My little one was 3 in October and he's just become so difficult to manage! He's got an attitude, he's such a diva and is trying to control a lot of things. We also get a lot of 'what you say' when we're speaking to him. Sometimes I've wondered if he can actually hear us but then sometimes when we're talking quietly in private, he hears every word! 🙄

I'm hoping it's a phase... we're just being very firm with him and giving him consequences all the time. Luckily he doesn't hit out at us, that must be so hard for you. Hang in there but do you have anyone who can give you a bit of a break?

That's like my daughter she's become harder to manage, I'm literally in tears when she goes to bed that I could have done more but we clash as very similar so it's really difficult for me 😢 and I didn't have a great upbringing myself so everything comes back and her behaviour is just so overwhelming at times I just can't cope... And nope nobody ever wants to help when you need them. Also with my little girl she's very demanding but to everyone else she's a saint but just not for me.