How to find a patience

[Kaya1990]

Hello everyone. Its my first post here.

How do you find a patience as a parent? My first and only baby is turning one next week. For the past 1.5-2 months its a living hell to me. He screams all the time as if someone is torturing him, completely hysterical when he wants something and he cant have it. Impossible to entertain him and help him focus on smth different. He will throw his hands, hit you, push you, scream, cry for ages until he gets it. Winging and moaning 24/7. I cant find any more patience to deal with it. I hate constant winging. Literally no idea what is the reason. Its getting worse. Doesnt want to go to anyone. Even if he knows the person and used to spend time with no issues before, now he doesnt let anyone to come near him. Hysteria starts immediately. Even with his own father, and he used to stay with him now and then when i had to run some errands. He screams and bang the door when i am in the toilet and literally nothing and no one can help. In few weeks he will be staying one day with a childminder as i am going back to work and 2 days with his dad and I am literally thinking of not going back to work but finances dont let me resign just like that. I am mentally and physically exhausted. Havent slept the whole night in one year, now even his dad cant take care of him at night when he wakes up, he could cry for hrs to the point its hard to breath. I am angry, i am worried, i am stressed, i have no more patience.

Help!

This sounds very tough but you absolutely should go back to work! It sounds like that’s exactly what you need, it will give you a break and possibly a better balance in life. I won’t lie he’s likely to be upset at the childminders for a while but he absolutely will settle and he will absolutely not be the first unsettled baby they have looked after, same with his dad and in the long run it should help!

Has anything changed in his life or has he been ill recently @Kaya1990?

No changes at all. He is very healthy. Started behaving like that some time ago, then we went to visit my family for little bit, my husband joined after two weeks. It was just getting gradually worse and worse from before the trip.
He was so unbelievable today. Never seen one year old acting this way. How do you guys do it as parents? How is it possible to handle all that.

It does sound really tough. What do you do if you say he can't have something abs he screams?

Does your DH ever take him out for a couple of hours at the weekend so that you dan get a break?

How is slow going as well @Kaya1990? They can often be very frustrated at this age as they can often understand a lot but find it hard to express themselves or make themselves understood. This progress checker from ICan might be useful

Hey @Kaya1990. So sorry to read of your struggles. I just wanted to say my DS was exactly as you describe - I’m not ashamed to say from months 9-14 ish I found both him and parenting utterly horrendous. He too whinged and cried and moaned 24/7. Until you’ve had a baby like it, people just don’t believe you when you say ‘it’s their personality’.

Firstly, I would 100% recommend going back to work. I went back 3 days per week when DS was ~13 months and it was a godsend. I was (still am) exhausted, but it gave me so much more strength to deal with him the 4 days we had together.

The good news is, DS is 19 months now and infinitely better. Still very highly strung and already throws an impressive tantrum, but his baseline personality is now funny, cheerful and inquisitive, not permanently furious.

Does your DS walk yet? Mine improved massively when he mastered walking properly. He’s also hugely improved since he could communicate more, thank god he seems to be quite an early talker. I think frustration played a huge part in his mood. He too also screamed if anyone held him other than me. In the last few weeks he’s generally seemed to prefer DH , so the separation anxiety definitely does calm down too, IMO.

Other than that, I’d recommend a pretty rigid routine. We don’t deviate much from meals and nap time (which are always at home). Having a really predictable flow to the day definitely helps DS not tip into furious. In between though we are out and about a lot, even I feel exhausted. He thrives off lots of stimulation, with plenty of rest in between.

Hope some of that is useful. Even if you do nothing it will pass, it’s just hard to survive at the time

Thank you all.
@PanicBuyingSprouts i cant figure out what does DH stand for, i guess you mean my husband 😆 he is on rota basis with alot of overtimes and sometimes not home for days so his help is not regular. But when he is home he takes care of him so i can do some other things which i cannot do with my little one alone. Thank you for the link, havent had a chance to look at the website yet, will do probably tonight.

@AliceW89 i know i am not the only one but it is s good to hear that from time to time too. Thank you. He doesnt walk yet but he seems to be very close to making first steps on his own.

It just feels overwhelming and whole motherhood not enjoyable. I literally sometimes regret it and then hate myself for it because i do love my boy and i can see how much he loves me.