younger sibling pulling off glasses

[monkey]

Hi - i'd appreciate any helpful suggestions with this recently recommenced problem.

I have 2 ds's - 21 months and 3+. The older ds has worn glasses since he was a baby and is fine with them. The younger ds has (re) started pulling them off his older brother. (He went through a phase of this a few months ago, but the glasses got broken(in an unrelated accident), and this seemed to make it stop overnight.

Now it's started again. At first the younger would pull them off the elder as retaliation when he was angry or upset. Now he seems to do it every time he's withing swiping distance. The older doesn't move out of the way - sometimes becasue the attack is out of the blue so he can't forsee it, but other times I feel he stands there and lets it happen because he wants younger to get into trouble, because he wants the sympathy, becuase he's part of the conspiracy.

We've tried telling off younger - no success - he likes this albeit negative attention, ignoring, only paying attention to the elder - sometimes he gets very genuinely upset by the attacks. I've also got cross & in better moments clamly explained to elder that he should move away from younger to stop him getting his glasses. This annoyed dh greatly & didn't work anyway. We've also tried getting similar sunglasses for the younger but he won't wear them. Nothing we have done makes any difference, or makes it worse. It's getting very upsetting for elder & very frustrating for us, and new glasses for elder will be very expensive, so any ideas to curb this will be most appreciated.

Generally they do get on very well btw!

Oh dear- I really don't know if there's much you can do about this other than what you're doing- ie making your displeasure clear. Both my boys went through a phase of pulling off people's glasses from about 6 months to 2 years and only stopped when they no longer enjoyed it. Having said that, they did have very mixed messages- one of their grandads found it hilarious and the other was most displeased! Could you try one of those elasticated headband things that hold the glasses onto the head or would ds1 just get regularly boinged in the face?

Thanks sobernow & scummy. Well, I hadn't considered him being scared, and thought this was interesting, but I've thought about it & watched them in action, and unfortunately I'm very sure this definitely isn't the case - it's purely a device for winding up big brother.

It's getting steadily worse. I collected them from playgroup and elder was in floods of tears and the ladies said younger had been pulling his glasses, as well as snatching toys off elder.

It seems to be a vicious circle, because the more he does it, the more he wants to do it. Elder needs to wear them. I might try your idea about the band, scummymummy, if I can find a kids one - only seen adults ones.

Btw, I wear glasses (morning & evening( contact lenses during the day, but younger never pulls mine off - he's tried (only ever) a couple of times, but I can dodge. He doesn't do it to anyone else, only big brother. I can feel the brand newly-replaced-arms getting slacker and slacker. It's such a pain.

Another thought- would it be worth helping ds1 to be more "assertive" when ds2 does this, if he is finding it very upsetting? You could practice saying with him "Don't pull my glasses off, XXXX. I don't like it!" or some such phrase in a firm voice and encourage him to say this and move away from ds2 when he starts to take the glasses. You could tell the playgroup that this is your new strategy and enlist their support so that ds1 is given an alternative to getting upset on a consistent basis. If ds2 is anything like my 2 little sweeties he may quite like seeing his bro dissolving into tears and finding it hard to cope and this could be fuelling his passion for the glasses? If ds1 can be helped not to "rise" ds2 might give up in disgust, perhaps?
Good luck, anyway!

Thanks scummy- it would definitely help ds1 to get more assertive. They are just so different. Ds1 is quite quiet, obedient & not very confident, also on the small side.

On the other hand, ds2 is very boisterous, confident, a bit of a monkey, and large for his age, so they're a similar size, and in fact younger dominates elder.

I have tried to get elder to stand up to younger - he's not a total pushover & gives as good as he gets, eg toy/car snatching, but with the glasses, he will just let it happen, for the sympathy or so younger will get told off, but he does also get caught unawares.

If it was toy snatching I'm sure I could handle it & stop it quickly mainly by ignoring, but as the glasses are so expensive & necessary, they've both found a weapon to wind each other and me up, as I can't ignore it.

Ds2 has also started to bite elder. What a pain.

90 % of the time they get on so well. Ds2 has just woken up from nap & ds1 has rushed up to his room armed with toys for him & they're chatting away about what their toys are up to.

From what you've said in your last post, Monkey, I do think it might help if you focus attention away from the younger one then and concentrate on changing how Ds1 responds. Try not to give ds1 sympathy if he cries and try not to tell ds2 off because then you're giving them what they want! If your and dh's and the playgroup's reaction is always to tell ds1 to "use his words to tell ds2 NO" while ignoring tears maybe they'll both find that this interaction palls a bit...
It's always so much bloody easier said than done though, isn't it? I'm always coming up with theories/solutions like this when my own boys fight recurrently over something but it's much harder putting it all into practice and stopping the behaviour! HTH, anyway and I'm sure it'll pass sooner or later- really hope it's sooner!