Discipline Question

[Teabreakplease]

Hi All,

When my kids are naughty before bed my husband routinely withdraws story time. I see reading as educational so I think it's an odd one. Tonight he was about to break up my sons lego he had been building for an hour or two because he was messing about a little. He was planning on playing with it for the day tomorrow so I thought breaking it up as a punishment was a bit harsh. My husband then started giving out to me saying I was too harsh on them, then that I was too lenient and thats why they were so naughty and that I allow them too many treats, that they are totally disobedient and out of control. Anyway his rant is a bit of an aside. Is it ok to withdraw bedtime stories and smash up Lego as a punishment for a 7 year old do you think?

Big no no to breaking up the Lego! That’s awful. Your DS worked hard on that. I would say, remove my son’s Lego, if he was using it in a negative way, like throwing it at his brother (!)

I do withdraw stories sometimes, my DS gets two as standard, so if he is refusing to get out of the bath or not listening when he’s meant to be getting ready for bed, I’ll threaten losing one of the stories. I also give him opportunities to earn more stories by getting ready for bed quickly.

So your DH thinks it's ok to smash up other peoples stuff when he doesn't like how they're behaving? What sort of message is that giving your DS?

If it were me I'd be having a chat with my DH about his own anger management. I'm sure he's just getting frustrated and snapping and let's face it probably repeating what was done to him as a child but long term this is going damage his relationship with DS and you and risks repeating the cycle by which I mean DS will grow up thinking this is what you do ....

Sounds like a tactful conversation is needed.

The book how to talk so little kids listen has great ideas as to how to get kids to basically do want you need them to do without it turning into a battle of wills.