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Behaviour/development

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Are all 3 year olds like this?

6 replies

SheeceRearsmith · 10/12/2021 20:54

The title of this thread is what myself and my husband ponder fairly frequently about our DS!

DS is a very smart, sweet and funny little boy. He has a large vocabulary and was an early talker. He is at pre-school three days a week while I’m at work. He has a younger DD and has a good relationship with her (there is the usual ‘that’s my toy!’ but nothing else) which is brilliant.

Behaviour wise his pre-school have raised no concerns. He does talk to other children but prefers to play more alongside them still. He had an entire year out of childcare due to covid and needing to be shielded due to a respiratory condition but he’s done really well since going back to childcare in May this year.

Our concern is about how angry/defiant he gets. He can also be very contrary and at times his behaviour just doesn’t make sense to us - though we recognise that it may be due to something important to him.

Take now for example. He didn’t want to get in the bath. When he’s in the bath he doesn’t want to get out. He won’t stand up for my DH,
and cries because DH can’t physically lift him out of the bath from a seated position. We’re talking real, rolling down the cheeks tears.

When playing with his toys he will just throw them across the room if something has angered or upset him about them. No amount of acknowledging he’s upset and encouraging him to use his words when he’s angry makes any difference.

TV can be another huge deal for him. When it goes off, no matter how much prior warning he is given, he absolutely goes crackers - shouting, rolling around on the floor, throwing toys etc.

Myself and DH are at the stage where we feel anxious a lot of the time because we’re just anticipating the next thing that will set him off.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SheeceRearsmith · 11/12/2021 05:35

Should also add that when he wakes up in the morning he’s always in a terrible mood, the cause of which we can never really discern.

He used to be quite a sunny little boy but now is increasingly demanding ‘I want this, give it to me now, now, now!’, gets distressed when DH leaves the room to do anything ‘adult’ ie not wholly focused on DS, and we’ve also recently had to start him on movicol as he’s begun to withhold poo. It’s like he’s a completely different child some days and is putting a lot of strain on us both.

OP posts:
KatyRebecca84 · 15/12/2021 19:18

Maybe be an age thing as my 3 year old is similar! Wants his own way, wants to do everything himself like getting dressed and if you help him because his jumper is back to front he freaks out! He hates being told no, hates the tv being turned off! I’ve just tried to ignore the melt downs and walk away. He tends to calm down quicker.

I am really struggling so can relate but hoping it will get easier!

MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 15/12/2021 19:23

It sounds normal to me. My 3 year old is also like this. I also have a 4.5 year old and he was the same at this age and he is very calm and reasonable now so I have hope the little ball of anger that is my 3 year old will go the same way eventually!

Confusedandworried321 · 15/12/2021 19:57

Yes my DS who is now 6 was very similar at 3. I found 3 the hardest age, if that's any consolation (although I had a newborn as well so that contributed I'm sure).

My DS is still very defiant and contrary at age 6 though. He will usually do what he's told eventually, but it's rarely on the first ask.

Jannt86 · 15/12/2021 20:52

The contraryness is real and both hilarious and infuriating at the same time. Just this pm my 3YO cried because I insisted on putting peas on her plate because 'they're yucky' (I know she likes them and will eat them if they're on her plate). After she eventually got over her tantrum and having the worst mum ever she then quickly had another tantrum. Why? Because I took a single pea off her plate and ate it GrinHmm I think all you can do is verbalise and nurture their feelings but don't allow negative behaviour to get them their own way. Eg mine also used to meltdown after the TV got turned off. A couple of times banning TV for a couple of days explaining that it's clearly too upsetting for her when we turn it off and she soon got the message. Just remember that it doesn't last forever. It will get better as their brains develop more

JMary2021 · 19/12/2021 19:41

I have a 3 year old (youngest of 3 children). All VERY normal. I’m finding my boy is more aggressive than his older sisters were though, lots of throwing, getting angry, pushing…they were more tantrums, stamping feet and insisting on independence.
I always try to remember how frustrating it is for them having no control over their lives, what they do, where the go, what they eat… so they try to grab it where they can. Try to let him make decisions on small stuff that doesn’t matter (I don’t mean win arguments, I mean offer options) and hopefully the anger/ stubbornness… will start to improve.
Hasn’t worked for me yet but I’m trying.
3 suddenly feels a lot harder than 2 for us.
Also feel my son is struggling with transition to no nap in the day. He’s exhausted and grumpy (but also gorgeous, kind and funny when in a good mood.)

PS My 11 and 13 year olds still try to avoid washing and then refuse to get out if the bath/ shower for bloody hours!!! So annoying!

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