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3 year old is a nightmare🤯 Please tell me it will get better!

6 replies

DaisyMay0 · 09/12/2021 08:17

It's hard to write this because i feel like I'm finally admitting I've been defeated. I can't cope with my 3 year old anymore, I'm at the end of my patience (which was already thin to start with). As a baby he was a lovely calm boy, really no trouble at all. I was smug when others would say they were going through terrible twos and my boy was a delight. He was so kind, loving and a joy. But we've got to 3 years old and oh my how its changed...

Firstly meals, he is so awkward. I will cook the same for everyone but he is so fussy and will not eat / try anything. He will only eat it if its plain crap food like nuggets, pizza, cheese, toast. But even when he does have food he will eat getting him to eat its a nightmare task. It will take him at least 30mins to eat and during that time he's whining, moaning, messing about, up and down on his seat (never eats sat on his bum) and me and my partner constantly reminding to eat his food.

Sleeping, he stopped his nap about 2 years old. He's out of nappies too. He goes to bed fine majority of time as we've always had a nice bed routine. However if he's fallen asleep after nursery or in the car he will get out of bed a million times until 9pm when he crashes even when we've put him to bed later! (Bedtime is 7pm). He is then up at 5/5:30 for a wee which he'll take himself for. But after he's been to the loo he doesn't go back to sleep. We make him stay in his bed until the sun comes up on his clock at 6am but even then is a task because he will take the baby up or just mess about! I often wonder if he's up alot early than when we actually goes for a wee.

Then comes the not listening. He does not listen simple as that. I ask him to do things several different ways, explaining or threatening going to bed if he carries on etc but no he just does not listen. But then cries, shouts or whines at the me because he doesn't like the fact I'm basically saying no. If he doesn't get his own way he melts down.

He's exhausting. He doesn't play. He just lingers or follows me whining again. Getting him to play is a task its self.
He's bright and I can see him being very smart. He can talk very well and very independent. But he's just hard work right now.

The littlest of things upset him, like if he spills something, or gets a spec of water on him, if he can't find something in 5 seconds etc.

The days right now consist of us shouting and crying at each other and him going to his room and coming back down when he feels 'happy'. I just miss my boy. I miss what we had and how close we were. I want him to be happy but don't know how to cope with him right now. ....
Crying while writing this as I feel a failure and awful for even saying all this about him. ☹

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MichaelMumsnet · 09/12/2021 10:24

Hi OP, just bumping this one for you in the hope that someone will be able to help.

NoKnit · 09/12/2021 14:58

You have described totally normal behaviour for a 3 year old. Yes it's totally frustrating but we all get through it in the end.

You say you miss your boy but it sounds a bit like he might be missing his mum too? If you have another baby I am quite sure a lot of your attention is there. Of course it is. But he doesn't understand that as he is 3. You probably used to do everything for him instantly but now he has to share you with nappies etc.

I think sending him to his room is pushing him away to be honest he is just still so small and isn't going to understand. He just feels sent away and all this time the baby is probably still with you and he sees that and I guess it hurts his feelings.

Mine are 5 and 8. It doesn't get better but things get different, you grow as a mother too. But things always get to you.

There will be plenty who will reply and tell you to do all sorts of things to get them to behave. I don't believe in moulding people like that. A child will learn via consequences to do as he/she is told, I personally don't think strict discipline, time outs etc work and certainly not at his age.

My 8 year old was everything you described but we got through it and he is a kind, helpful and considerate boy. Yes he might not always listen, he might not be the angel quite good boy we dream of having but he has a huge heart and I'm proud of everything he does. I just don't care about sitting to eat, forgetting to flush the toilet etc - ever met an adult who can't do these things?

Mattieandmummy · 10/12/2021 06:00

Second everything PP said, he just sounds like a normal three year old who has had his world turned upside down by the addition of a baby sibling. I also really don't think time outs work, all you teach them is that you have sent them away in my opinion as he is too little to understand why you might have done that. Perhaps try spending some one on one time with him every day without the baby even if it is just half an hour.

In terms of other methods of enforcing boundaries, the book how to talk so little kids listen is really good as is Sarah Ockwell Smith's gentle parenting book.

I would try to reduce your stress levels too and calm things down a bit. Easier said than done, I know.

With the eating, when our brilliant eater turned into a fussy nightmare we just kept eating the same things we did before. I took the view that she's not going to starve herself, there's nothing wrong with her she's just asserting her independence. Yes of course I worried that she wasn't eating enough but after a few days she did start eating more, not perfectly but improved and we've gone from there. I grew up with cousins who would only eat cheese and and potatoes until adulthood (yes really, an extreme case! ) and I was adamant we were not going there.

Anonymum30 · 10/12/2021 19:25

Scrolling the forum because I've just had a really difficult day with my 3 year old and feeling down and frustrated about it. Very similar to a lot of what you've described (generally a very content, chilled, helpful and engaged little chap but recently become a bit of a handful, and we also have a 3 month old daughter too). Definitely feel that it's a combination of their age and new sibling arrival. Like you I miss how my relationship with my son was before, but I guess he's probably feeling the same way as now he has to share me. It's really tough going isn't it?

Anonymum30 · 10/12/2021 19:29

The better days we've had recently are definitely where I've made a bit of a plan for the day and we've been out of the house for a bit too. I try to plan in a couple of things for him to do, some time for my daughter and one or two things for my sanity too (even if it's just a coffee and a quick look at the news). Balancing two little peoples needs and your own is so overwhelming and exhausting. Hang in there, things will get easier

SheeceRearsmith · 11/12/2021 06:46

Sending solidarity, OP. I could have written the above. I wish I knew what the answer was. The passage of time maybe? Some days I would like to run away. Or at least jump in a time machine and head for simpler days.

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