21 month old challenging, clingy and not talking

[gbee99]

Sorry if this has been raised 1,000 times, but I'm struggling with my 21 month old and not sure what to do.

She's always been a challenge, having colic when she was first born. These days she's very adamant, stubborn and stroppy. She seems to protest at a lot of new things, for example I bought her some gloves and she screams and cries if I try to put them on. She can also be quite clingly with me, so if I'm holding her and I pass her to her Dad, again she cries and wants me to hold her instead. I really don't know how best to tackle this, whether to stay in the same room and hope she eventually calms down, or to go to another room, or something else!

She's also not talking yet. She makes sounds (mostly squeals or whines), and perhaps is starting to say "yeah", but little else. I think this is not helping with her frustration. But equally she often resorts to a whining sound when she wants attention or help with something, and after a while I'm finding it difficult to deal with.

I understand this might be a phase, that she's getting more independent and is making it known when there's something she doesn't like or doesn't want to do. But I'm really stuck as to how to respond (or cope!).

I'd appreciate any help, advice or experience.

From what you've said, I'd look at the speech first. According to this from ICan she may need some additional support. ICan have a helpline if you want to talk it through with them.

For the separation anxiety, I'd just go with it, take her with you if you can. It sounds as though her behaviour stems from anxiety. Once I realised this with my DD it changed things dramatically. Instead of seeing her outbursts as defiance or misbehaviour I realised she was just scared.

The book toddler taming might get useful as well.

I'd definitely have a look at the ICan link though and speak to your HV about getting a hearing test and some SLT.

It might be worth doing the MChat Test before you speak to your HV, just to see what her risk of having ASD is. If she's medium or high risk, you can push for a referral to a Paediatrician.

Your girl sounds a lot like mine, who is 22 months and talking only very little.
I agree with the previous poster. Talk to GP or HV and get an SLT assessment.
We just had ours and they're not concerned but put a referral in just in case as waiting times are up to a year.

It might all just be a phase. Mine is more clingy when she's frustrated, tired or hungry...
Totally happy to go to nursery though. Runs in and doesn't even tur around.

Thanks both. Reassuring to know that it's not just me! Also a good point about the anxiety, I hadn't really thought about the fact she might just be scared rather than just a "bit" anxious.

I've tried following up with her speech, but there does seem to be some reluctance until she's two. On one hand it makes sense, as there are a few months to go yet, but on the other it's hard just waiting for something to happen (OH is finding it harder than me, which is also tricky to deal with).

I've tried following up with her speech, but there does seem to be some reluctance until she's two

I got fobbed off a lot as well. Did you have a look at the ICan info?

Yes, sorry I should have added more detail. I came across Ican a little while ago and managed to have a chat. They were really helpful in suggesting things to try, but it doesn't seem to be having an effect yet, and they suggested giving it three months before going back to them. So, yeah, I just don't know at this point whether there's anything else I can do in the meantime, whether it's my behaviour that's not helping. Or if there's anything I can do to encourage her to use other noises to get attention or help (other than whining).
I will add that there are lovely, giggly moments too! It's just the harder moments are really quite hard at the moment.