what is the best way to deal with a 3yo who is 'scared of the fox under her bed' or the 'lion in the bathroom' etc

[dontwanttogetoutofbed]

i always turn on the light and show her there is nothing there which she likes, and i know this is just a phase, but what is the best way to deal with it to give her confidence and avoid her creating a fear?

I always told my two that teddy bears keep monsters away - they didn't have night frights, but we did accumulate the largest collection of cuddlies in the Western hemisphere...

DD went through a phase of this, and ds is now calling for us when there's a scary monster (he's 2 and a bit).

All I do is to go in, and say "shoo, shoo" and "there, all gone now, silly [insert scary thing i.e. monster, dinosaur, crocodile]" and he is happy with it. That's what I did with dd too.

He seems happy with it, but don't know whether that's because it isn't a genuine fear, or is a habit he's got into.

I didn't want to poo-poo the fear, but rather to have a quick and easy way of dealing with it with minimum fuss. Also was keen not show him (and dd before him) that I would always help if he is scared.

Oh I like the teddy idea. Only ds not keen on teddies. But he is in love with his dummy and clothie, so might use that one next time, in the hope that I won't be required to do any more shooing.

Surely at this time of year Santa is watching so she'll be safe anyway???

Don't let her watch the Mighty Boosh. (Still shuddering about the crack fox)

You know in Monsters Inc monsters are scared of babies? Can you create a myth like that?

I read that when young they can't understand that it's not really there because it is real to them. You might turn the light on to show them but once the light goes out/you go away, 'it' comes back.

Instead take the imaginary monster/bogeyman (or bee in my ds' case) and boot them out the room with a firm admonishment & whatever threat you use on your lo to comic effect; so bee has been told not to come back, get to the naughty corner/ or I tell Father Christmas and you'll get no honey (whilst shaking my fist - god, I should do panto).

Dh thought this was giving life to the fear but since it's real to them anyway...and with ds it seems to have worked.

Just a suggestion.

I gave DS2 a stuffed Dragon (natch) who looks after him and scares the monsters under the bed away.

Heated, I suppose the advantage of your method is it treats the monster like a naughty child who is less powerful than Mummy.

You have to look under the bed and put your arm right under neath and show them your arm hasn't been bitten off.

Or put your leg into the wardrobe and show them your feet still have 5 toes, none have been chewed off.

The fear is real to them, and to indicate that their fear is silly because they are making a fuss is not the right way to go about it. Keep it simple.

I wouldn't shoo shoo anything, as mine would then think something was there to start off with.

op - you sound like you are doing the right thing, keep with it.

Oh, what was that program last year when the nanny fought the monster in the cupboard? And the very posh upper class papa said "oh jolly good show nanny, hoorah, you show the "Monster" eh?" and a beaten up monster sneaked away...

dd1 has a unicorn, and dd2 a teddy bear that are the bravest toys in the world, they keep watch all night...

Oh theres a book about this;'dear bear' by joanna harrison.

Bascically it starts with the mum teling child to write bear a letter telling him to go away. she does. bear writes back

'Dear ...
I have taken your advice and gone away on a much needed holiday from teh cupboard under the stairs. love from bear. ps back monday."

bear comes back and gives child a prezzie from holidays and saying it's nice to be back. child writes thankyou note. Then she gets worried that he isn;t writing to her anymore as writes to him asking why.

he writes back aying he's been poorly. Child and mum make him some sandwishes and a hotwater bottle and leave it out that night with anoyhr note.

bear writes back saying thankyou and invites her for tea that day. Child tells parents but they seem to not be listening.

come 4 o'clock child has on her best p[arty dress and opens cupboard door to find a lovely teddy bear (cuddly fox, or lion) with a note saying thay they are tired of living under the stairs (bed/bathroom) and can they come live with her instead?

So cute!
(hope this isn;t a copyright infrngement!)

and says he is going away on holiday and will be back on monday

ops, soz about copy and paste malfunctio there!

that's lovely! Might try that...would it work with monsters in the study?

A torch? Dd has a Thomas torch by her bed and she can shine it at night if she thinks there's something there. She doesn't use it at all now but likes it being there.

I got this tip from a friend. It worked for her kids and now mine.
My DD's and myself made a 'go away monster spray'. I just used water and a few drops of lavender oil, but made a big fuss and we said some 'magic words' to make 'the potion' extra powerful. (we were also wearing our halloween witch's outfits , my DD's have an incredible imagination)
It worked really well so when DS gets to that age, I'll definitely use it again.

wethreekingsofORINOCOare - I think you are thinking of Hogfather - adaptation of a Terry Pratchett book (The nanny was Death's granddaughter btw)

I have a spray bottle and a 'anti-monster spray' label for it. For clutching in the hand of the terrified. DD hasn't had to use it yet but you just put water in it, the carpet might get a tad damp but ho hum, it's better than the screaming hab-dabs at 3am!

why am i thinking of the john smith's advert with peter kay?
cupboard monster? nah....it's the burglars comin' through t' winda you wanna worry about
obviously, don't use this as a tactic
i like the spray idea myself, especially if it does actually smell of something....it must work, then!

You could also tell her that foxes and lions and all sorts of monsters are terrified of mummies and daddies.

Then you can do a big theatrical roar under the bed/in the bathroom and say, 'There, all gone. They won't be back for a VERY long time.'

DS1 just went through a phase of never wanting to go upstairs on his own in case the dinosaur got him, and checking under his covers before getting in, to announce 'no dinosaurs in there'.
I just kept going upstairs with him, reassuring him that mummy would never let a dinosaur get him. Then when that didnt' work I would tell him as we come through the door at night that I had checked everywhere and the dinosaur has gone home. That one worked!

DS also 3 has a specialy duck which we put on watch at night on his chest of drawers (if he's feeling especially scared it sometimes comes in bed with him even though its wooden and so probably really uncomfortable to cuddle up to)

I have to tell a mini story whereby the duck is very special and is there to look after ds, it will quack at any monsters that try and peer round the door (cos all monsters are scared of ducks) and keep him safe

At one stage I did this every night for about 3 weeks and was worried it would become part of his bed time routine but he just stopped asking for it, although occasionally he will still ask for his special ducky.

Sounds like you're doing the right things op.

Hunkermunker has a very good story for this.

My friend has a similar problem with her DS and she "chases" the thing that he is scared off from the room and out the front door and then has some kind of talisman to prevent it returning. Or there's the "Bear under the Stairs" approach of making the scary thing a friend by writing him notes and getting replies and presents.

Sorry, I was referring to the "Dear Bear.." book already mentioned - though I think there is one similar called "Bear under the stairs."