6 months pregnant with 2 and half year old not sleeping/v. clingy - NEED HELP

[BassLady]

Hey everyone

Am currently 6 months pregnant, have a 2 and half year old and working full time. She fully understands that I am pregnant and is very loving to the bump and has been to both scans. Generally she has always been a daddy's girl but over the last couple of months she has become very clingy to me and waking lots in the night, only settling when I stay with her in her room. This can happen 3 times a night and it is exhausting me as I have to lay on a really uncomfortable sofa and I am the size of a house (well it feels like that!) and just cannot function normally though the day. I feel so envious of all 1st time mums able to sleep anytime they want, while for me this pregnancy I actually feel like I already have a new born. My partner has tried to settle her and let me sleep but she just goes mental screaming for me so I get up anyway. Should I just tell her to go back to bed and more or less ignore these night time demands? or continue staying in her room as it is easier than her screaming? Her previous unsettled pattern was to come into our bed but she doesn't do that now (so I feel like I am getting somewhere)but now just demands that I stay with her in her room, this is all a recent behavior and had a fairly normal sleeping pattern before, any advise would be appreciated before I really lose it!!!

that's very hard to deal with. You must be exhausted. Can you get some rest in the evenings?

I don't really know what to suggest to help, because both my children are bad sleepers

Basslady, i cant so links or i'd suggeast joing the sleep is for the weak thread, there's quite a few of us with non-sleepers on there, there's always loads of suggestions and if it doesn't help you know you've got support from people in similar situations

To be quite honest, if you need sleep that much, I would just bring her back into your bed until you're feeling better.

I have a 2.5 yo and and am 33 wks pg. Now while she is very verbal and understands the theory that soon there will be an even newer baby etc etc, she just doesn't get it on the same level as ds, who is 4 and a bit. She IS a bit more clingy than normal, and I am pretty sure that she is worried about how this is all going to pan out (heck-I'M worried!). And this is a second-born child who has always had a sibling, and never had her parents to herself.

I would give it til, say, after the Christmas decorations have gone down for her to sleep in your bed-promote it as a Christmassy thing. And then, when you are rested, if you want to, you can always start with the sleeping in her own bed again.

My reasoning here is that I think she is probably pretty insecure about the new baby, and needs more reassureance from you. Cosleeping is a good way to do this with minimal effort, IME.

disclaimer: I tend to be relaxed about stuff like co-sleeping and so on, I am not especially worried that I will have a 10 year old sleeping in our bed as I've been through this already with ds (from about 3.5 onwards he stopped coming through to us, unless there was a REAL emergency, like the batteries dying on his cassette player )

Agree with Charlieandlolas mummy. Get your sleep however you can.

In my experience with my V bad sleeper. going through (for me) about 3 weeks of hell was well worth it. I firmly believe that my son screamed because I gave him what he wanted when he did so.

I worked closely with my partner to devise a bedtime routine which we stuck to religiously. Supper, story, cuddle from story reader, cuddle from other parent then lights out. Any screaming or getting out of bed was met with silent parent gently and calmly putting child back into bed or tucking in and then leaving room. First week we were in and out for 3-4 hours a night, including early hours. gradually got better through 2nd week and then 3rd week I was going in 3-4 times til he fell asleep then once in night. It looks so easy on the telly, it takes ages and it is hard. That was when DS was 2.5, he is now nearly six and sleeps 12 hrs a night, but still has identical routine which he loves.

Good luck

thanks for everyone's advice ......the prob with bringing her back in our bed is that she actually ends up having a bad sleep, she moves around alot and ends up kicking both myself and partner so in fact it is better for to sleep in her room (4 all of us). I really need to get her to sleep all through the night in her room and if she wakes up for her to get herself back to sleep - obviously not as easy as it seems.........mb i should look at nosnikrap's suggestion but not sure I can face it while pregnant, physically its very hard to put her back as well as the tiredness of it all.........charlie & lolas mummy, it is interesting what you say about your 2nd child feeling insecure about the new arrival, mb I need to be more sensitive about this as like ur 2.5 year old she seems to be very verbal about it all but doesn't mean that she is necessarily happy about it (ummmm)...........lots more to ponder.....any more advice is welcome

thanks
x

Hi there, I've been in your current situation twice now - the only main difference being second time I was a SAHM (which I personally found more 'draining' during the day than work)

The first time round my DD1 was very vocal and seemed happy about the impending arrival but she became very clingy (at night mainly but also during the day). DD1 was the same age when I was pregnant as DD2 is now and I pretty much had to deal with them in a similar way albiet 'tweaked' for their own personalities.

I'm currently 18 weeks pg and DD1 is 3.5, DD2 19 months. Both have always been pretty clingy but DD2 is amazingly OTT about it all, and yes, it is bloody hard isn't it !

DD2 wants me to lay on the floor of her bedroom and watch her sleep and for the past few weeks she screamed all night unless I did that. At the end of my tether, I asked my HV for advice and they told me to act as I would if I wasn't pregnant (i.e. don't cave in). It has been a very hard few weeks - esp since DH has been away at times (in fact, not sure if that maybe helped as I didn't have him to worry about too) but DD2 is now settling back to sleep if she wakes in the night.

We had to do controlled crying to get things this way and it got worse before it got better. This has all had the weirdest outcome for us - even though she is very clingy to me, she will only settle back to sleep if her dad goes to her in the night, if I go in she will leap up and scream as soon as she realises I am leaving. Neither of my DDs have ever been like that with their Dad - I've had to do everything up until now and it is a wonderful break for both DH and me.

I'm not going to say it was the easiest thing - I found my pregnancy hormones made it extra hard for me to ignore a crying baby - but it was worth it as I now get a decent nights sleep and DD2 has learnt that mummy sleeps in her bed not on the floor as requested. Can you ask you HV or MW for some support and/or advice?

btw it took about 3 weeks to get to an acceptable level of waking (lost track of time tbh), she still wakes up but settles very quickly thankfully.

hth - good luck

Can understand being 22weeks now myself, I lose my rag at drop of hat and burst into tears whilst washing up because it feels so difficult!! Not the best time to start controlled crying etc! You could always try laying the foundations by setting in place nice calm routine that stays the same whether or not she sleeps, at least you will feel like you are doing something.

As there is a change coming it could be affecting your daughter's behaviour in any number of ways. If you build in a "special time" for her now it will be something that stays the same after the baby is born, could help!

Some tips:

Do quiet activity before bed, watch bedtime hour together or do a puzzle, things like this will make her feel secure.

Choose story together

Have soft toy who she can "talk" to. My son has Tiger who used to talk to him (it was me obviously) and be his bed friend! I hear him chatting to him now! (aged 5)

Discuss things together, how wide you leave the door open, is there a lamp on or a CD playing for her, give her choices about bedtime to encourage independence.

If I think of anything else I'll let you know!

EXACTLY the same thing happened with us when I was pregnant, although DD was a few months younger. I had SPD and found trying to creep out of her room almost impossible as I could barely move AND it was winter here and we have no central heating so I was freezing

we did gradual withdrawal - leaving her to cry just didn't work at all and I hated it anyway. So I got further and further away every night until I was sitting on a chair by, and then outside, the door. Eventually I could just go and open the door & say night night and she'd go back to sleep - we still do that now if she wakes up and DS is 9 months now (actually now we have to have the door open from the beginning of the night - yet another new phase). we also got her a nightlight.

Mrs John, that sounds like a great idea! I'll store that one up for future reference! If you got a comfy chair you could have a nap yourself whilst you wait! Or read a book, sounds alot less stressful than how I did it!