HV suggests controlled crying for 7 month old

[leonieandevie]

Hi need some advice as I'm feeling so guilty. For the past few nights I've been trying controlled crying as my 7 month old who previously only woke once a night started waking every 2 hours. I now feel like I've damaged her all for the sake of a few extra hours sleep. I've stopped feeding her at night as HV said I shouldn't be doing it - she also suggested stuffing DD with carbs at supper and trying formula. I've breastfed so far and intend to carry on.
HV also made me feel bad because my bubs wasn't getting the full 14 hour a day sleep - said it could affect her development, also that she shouldn't be falling asleep at the boob and ontop of that even though DD's a chubster HV showed concern over her weight slowing down...flipping eck thought I was doing ok.
All I want to do is go back to feeding her once a night - is that so wrong. Love her so much and have waited forever for her. Feel crap.....

My HV told me I should night wean DD2 at 11 months at the same time she was referring her to the GP because she was concerned about her weight gain. Hmmmm - there was no way I was going to cut down on one of her sources of nutrition because HV didn't approve of night feeding.

IME (2 children and lots of honest friends both irl and virtual) there are many babies who are still waking at 7 months and still feeding at night.

It sounds like a blip to me - I'm sure she'll be back to one feed a night. To be honest I would much rather feed quickly once a night and have a good nights sleep than spend 30 minutes listening to my child scream herself silly.

Also it's perfectly normal for weight gain to slow when children become more active.

Listen to yourself not your HV and don't go and see her for a while (or just lie )

She didn't insinuate anything, she just said the truth, that a lot of people lie to their HV's therefore they have an unrealistic view of what is happening.
Also, I'm really pleased you were lucky enough to have good HV's but many of us weren't.

Xywhisty, mine also slept through at 3 months. She just gave it up at 7 months! Coldtits didn't say that anyone who says this is lying, just that many people, including me, don't tell their HVs the whole truth as some HVs can have bloody strange ideas. Mine told us to start cc at 6 weeks! I asked my mum (who's a nursery nurse with 50 years experience of babies), she thought it was nonsense, so I carried on feeding to sleep. However, I decided NOT to tell the HV this, as I did not want a lecture. I'm glad you've been lucky with your HVs. One of ours is brilliant, she just wasn't the one I was assigned.

The truth is not that all HVs are bad or all HVs are good. HVs are people!!! They get training, but like any other professionals (doctors, teachers, university professors etc), they then need to adapt their training to an everyday situation in an intelligent manner. I've known hospital consultants spout utter nonsense because they've been incapable of doing this, and as for some university professors I've come across....

I was very fortunate in that all the HVs I saw were intelligent experienced people, who could tell the difference between when to intervene and when to lay off. They did spot that my baby was getting into a dangerous state as a 5 week old and acted quickly or she might have died. But they also had the sense not to keep nagging and worrying when my dd got older and I was obviously coping.

I wish everybody had had the same experience as me. But then I also wish everybody could have dealings with intelligent and experienced GPs, hospital consultants, teachers, headteachers etc.

What you need to do, with all these people, is use your own judgment. Does this person know what they're talking about, or do I need to smile kindly and put their advice in the rubbish bin? If the latter, don't waste any time feeling guilty about it.

The best advice I ever had was to stop going to clinic. Seriously - I never looked back. And DS is now an energetic tall thin 2 1/2 year old, who eats loads (incl a breastfeed at bedtime). I only do the developmental checks with DD because the HV actually comes to the house. I take what she says with a pinch of salt. I'm a lot, LOT happier this time round. I don't think that happy mum = happy baby, but I do think that HVs should be able to concentrate their efforts on parents who need their help. I, for one, don't, and I think you, for two, don't either leonie!

I agree with corriedale. I've never taken the dts to baby clinic, they are healthy boys, and although I have no idea what they weigh - they are growing.

I've met at least 6 hvs, and only 2 of those were really good. They do seem to be such a rarity.

No I didn't Xywhisty, get a grip. I insinuated nothing of the sort. Stop looking for insults. I KNOW babies sleep through at 3 months - ds1 did. However, ds2 was NOT sleeping through at 9 months, and rather than receive a pointless talk on feed dropping and controlled crying which I would have ignored anyway, I lied and said he was.

People like ME, and many other mothers, are the reason that HVs get the impression most babies sleep through before 6 months old. Most babies they come across 'alledgedly' do!

I haven't read all the replies but I have read a great deal of research about Controlled Crying. Even the experts and "inventers" of CC say it shouldn't be done before a year old. The reason for this is that under this age, babies don't have the ability to understand what is going on, they just feel abandoned.

Ignore your HV. She sounds like she's talking rubbish. And stuffing your baby full of carbs and formula is just going to make her wake up with stomach ache!

Please, take no notice of this HV advice on this occasion. You know your baby best. Feed her if you want to, cuddle her if you want to. She's your baby. There isn't a rule book, all babies are different.

Trust me, you will look back and wish you'd trusted your instincts from the start, and not worried about the advice of others.

I don't know how you feel about dummies, but have you considered using one at night to check whether your LO is really hungry or not? My DS has just turned three months and just started sleeping through (some of the time) from 7pm until 7am, with a dreamfeed at 10.30pm. On the nights he doesn't sleep through, he tends to wake either at about 3am or about 5.30am. Sometimes he gets back to sleep on his own without ever properly starting to cry, but if he doesn't I give him a dummy and he falls asleep again within a couple of minutes, sometimes less. I'm certain he's not hungry because a) he falls asleep again happily, and b) if I do feed him at night, he then won't eat anything in the morning when he wakes up. But if your LO is still eating enthusiastically at his morning feed AND seems to be crying with hunger in the night, then it sounds like he still needs a night feed.

I bf my ds2 and he is 9 mths he sometimes wakes 2 hrly and I think it's teething.
I always feed him cos he is little and it won't last forever and I miss it when it's gone.

I also never visit the HV

Love you all!
I've been away and have only just caught up with the extra comments.
I personally don't know anyone who has a baby sleeping through from 3 months - good on any who have done!
CC no longer an issue as bubs has nasty cold and she is now sharing bed with me and DH until she is better - we co-slept until she was 4 months anyway.
I wish I knew a good HV - they have all given me such rotten advice. Best comment I had to prevent DD waking once at night at 5months was to STOP WEANING!! Haha made me laugh, especially as the Hv next to her had given totally contradictory advice to someone else...think this debate will continue.
Thanks again - feel much better about what I am doing now.
xx

I shouldn't worry too much about the growth rate slowing down, unless it stops altogether. My son, who at 7 months weighed 9.4 kg, which is enormous, put on loads of weight really fast for months, and has suddenly gone down to only 100g in one month, less than a fifth of previous months. The paediatrician told me not to worry, lots of babies are like that. He says it's because he's more active now (even if it's just bouncing and waving his arms up and down), and that anyway, babies are not robots. Sometimes they grow more quickly, sometimes more slowly.

I used to listen to every word my HV said until she came round one day and admitted that all her advice on breastfeeding that she had been giving out was completely wrong. She had just been on a Unicef breastfeeding training course and brought her training file (huge file) with her.

I would try looking elsewhere for advice- look on kellymom.com, look at askdrsears.com, and check out The No Cry Sleep Solution by E. Pantley. Also check out books written by Dr. Sears and the La Leche League. All these authors/websites have a kind, gentle philosophy. The No Cry Sleep Solution gives suggestions on ways to gently cut back on night feedings, if you want to do so. Everytime I'm stressed out about instilling a routine, or trying to be controlling and rigid I look at one of these resources and find that my baby is normal, and I shouldn't worry...

As for us, my 9 month old has just started going from 12 - 6... (she's breastfed) some nights she can't go that long, some nights she can. I stopped weighing her at the clinic and am just making sure she seems happy. Hang in there!

leonieandevie - my HV did the same to me. At 7months suggested Wotsits were a suitable additional food for dd, which made me switch off entirely. I was always made to feel guilty as bf dd and she's always been a lightweight and guilt trip huge, but she's tall and gorgeous and happy (11months now) and I'm a lot more secure in what I'm doing - plus GP thinks she's doing great.
Plus - I will bf her if she wants it during the night. Takes no time, she goes back to sleep, I go back to sleep, she gets extra yummies and fluid which does her good so I don't see what the problem is. She will sleep from 11 til 6:30 some nights but recently tricky because of endless colds.
Bottom line is you sound like a lovely mummy, and you know yourself and your dd best and go with your instincts and do what you think is right. No HV can tell you what you should or should not be doing. They are there as a source of advice if you want it and to watch out for serious issues with baby's development. New guidelines for our local HVs are to monitor weight four times only in baby's first year, and the most vital period is the first three months.
Enjoy being a mum and your lo, and give the HV a miss for a few months - maybe until the 9monthe check, unless you're worried x

at HVs! If you want to feed during the night at 7 months by all means do it. Fair enough your DD may not 'need' it for survival, but a lot of babies still prefer it!

IME, babies going through development spurts start wakening when they've previously been half decent sleepers.

Weight gain slows a lot at this age as they start to get active. My DS was 20lbs at 9 months (only weight I can remember lol) and took another 6 months to gain anothe pound!

I've done CC with DD (now 10 months) as I have been at my wits end with her sleeping on several occasions. She's wakes a dozen times a night or more and won't settle without me. I had no success - just a lot of tears for hours! I do feel horribly guilty as I don't believe in letting them cry as I worry about the stress hormones. Having said that I'm now doing controlled comforting (I stay with a hand in the cot the whole time!) with her as we've hit a total brick wall on getting her to sleep, and over the last few nights we've had a teeny teeny bit of success. We tried it last month and got nowhere. So I do think age is a factor. 7 months is when the clingy thing starts happening too - along with teething!

I do worry that DD has so little sleep, but I worry from her happiness and growth (height) developement (she's very short!) more than anything. Her other development is pretty fast - she was rolling at 11 wks, commando crawling at 5/6 months, proper crawling at 7/8 months and pulling up and cruising before 9 months. She also has quite a few words and is generally happy an sociable. I've been told that 'wakeful' babies learn faster as the more time they're awake, the more time they have to learn!

Do what comes naturally to you. And if at any point it's not working for you, then fix it. I also agree with piffle (I think it was?) about missing the cuddling/waking/breastfeeding. DD is my last and the baby parts are gone so fast it's worth holding onto!