Constantly scared new mum

[Serevai]

My son is just 12 days old and im a wreck. I know I've got postnatal depression and have already spoke with midwives, health visitor, my GP and all my family know. I made sure that was the first thing I did when my emotions didn't got away after the initial baby blues period.

I suppose you are probably wondering, why then am I writing this? If I have done everything to try and get ahead of the situation. I guess because as we speak my beautiful amazing newborn is in the other bedroom with his daddy who I have had to pass him too for the majority of the day because I have just been so overwhelmed and emotionally challenged.

I feel like I will be the worst mum ever, I never felt like this during pregnancy, in fact I was so organised and positive throughout. But now, since birth (which was traumatic) I just feel like I'm already failing him. I feel like he will miss milestones, I feel like he will hate me. I'm filled with what ifs. I cry sometimes when I hold him and tell him I'm sorry I'm like this. He is such a good newborn too. Doesn't cry all too much and is just an absolute star at only 12 days in! And here's me feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I just long to hear success stories. When did you reach your "okay - I've got this" "im doing it" "im muddling through" moment?

I was the same except my boy cried all the time!!! Give it 6months to a year to find your stride :)

Ok speaking as someone who had an traumatic birth and felt that I had failed my daughter you sound exactly how I felt. I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD, please go and see your midwife and your GP again. Do not leave it, tell them how you are feeling. There are specialist midwives and therapists who can help you.

For what it's worth and please take it from someone who has been there, you have not failed anyone. You are doing your best and it will get better. Having a newborn is flipping scary but does get better as you get used to everything. Get some sleep and go outside every day even if you just go to the corner shop. You can do this x

Sounds like you've had a bit of a rocky start

If you've had birth trauma, please do not underestimate the effect it can have, especially in the early days. Agree with the PP who said to talk to your GP & MW/HV and tell them how you feel.

The Birth Trauma Association has a helpline that is manned by women who have experienced birth trauma.