Help - can't cope with 18mo

[Knitsewthread]

I've wanted to write this for a while but felt guilty voicing my feelings. But I really need some support after another rubbish evening.

I'm struggling so much with my almost 18mo DS. I seem to get the worst of him and it's wearing me down. He was with grandparents today and they described him as an angel. As soon as I walk in the door he begins to fuss for me and whinge and that's how the rest of the day continues.

I can't go near my older son or DS2 will have a huge tantrum so I feel huge guilt for the lack of attention I give DS1.

I can't ignore his tantrums as he won't stop and will seek out a hard surface to bang his head on. You can see him looking for one. Cuddling him rarely calms him down either. Earlier I went to pick him up to soothe him and he walked away backwards until he sat down and then threw his head backwards onto the floor.

I'm off with him tomorrow and already worrying about it. I hate feeling like this and feel like a fraud when my colleagues wish me a good day off with him. I smile and say thanks whilst secretly dreading it inside.

He had a long meltdown this evening and got into such a state. Now I'm sat here crying. I'm fed up of this never ending cycle

I'm not a Dr but I don't feel that him banging his head is part of the development cycle. Can you talk to a health visitor and get some advice or an assessment? I have a feeling they might be better placed to offer support. Wishing you well

Yeah I think I should. I really worry he's going to hurt himself doing it. We have a run of bad days and I decide to speak to the HV. Then he seems to perk up so I leave it. And then back to square one, and so on. A little bit of me is also a bit worried about what they might say which I know is pathetic.

Gosh no it's very far from pathetic, it's really brave to ask for help. I would encourage you to do it though because whilst I don't know how hard he's hitting his head, it might cause some damage to him. I really hope with a bit of help, you can get to the root of what's happening and get your family how your hoped it would be x

Thank you @ginswinger. You're right, this isn't how I hoped things would be. I used to be a positive person but find that positivity has gone now.

Night times are another problem, he took ages to settle last night and has been up since 5. I'm embarrassed to say he still wakes for a bottle in the night. My older son was off bottles much earlier than this - I don't know how I've got it so wrong second time round.