Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

How should we deal with our crying baby?

16 replies

srv · 15/12/2007 12:04

Our son is nearly three weeks old. He sleeps most of the day, waking up only to be fed and then dropping off quite quickly afterwards again. Sometimes he stays awake long enough for a play but only really for half an hour or so.

However in the evening from about 6pm he wakes up and is very unsettled and grizzly. We tend to play with him during this time and he enjoys that and settles down a bit. Later (from abaout nine) he just crys and crys and crys for no apparent reason. We make sure he is fed, winded and changed but he still crys. He only stops if we pick him up but starts again as soon as we put him down in his cot.

The question is what should we do? Some books we have read say that babies just need to cry for a while everyday and that we should ignore him - but it feels so cruel when he is screaming. Others say that you should leave him a few minutes and then pick him up, comfort him and put him straight back down again (he starts crying again almost immediately) and then some people say that three weeks is too young and we should go to him whenever he crys. We have tried doing this but it seemed to make him worse after a while probably because he was over tired and none of us got to sleep til past 2am.

Don't get me wrong - we are not after a "perfect" baby (he's perfect anyway!!) and I'm not saying that he needs to fit in around us but we are worried that we are doing something wrong or that we are missing a trick to make him a little happier.

Any advice would be really welcome.

srv

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BlueberryPancake · 15/12/2007 12:28

OK I really understand your distress and questions, it's a question most parents have as so many babies cry a lot at that age. Some people will tell you that their babies didn't cry,but they either can't remember or they are lying, because babies cry.

Are bottle feeding or breastfeeding? Some babies will 'cluster feed' in the evenings, and I can remember BF my sons for hours in the evenings. Although they were not taking in that much milk, they were settling down even if I thought they were not hungry anymore.

Have you tried a dummy? it might help just cope with the days/weeks to come. It's not a lifetime commitment! DS2 really loved his dummy and it helped settle him down.

A good tipis to dress your baby well and put him in a sling and walk around the block with him.

You can also try 'skin to skin' contact, take your clothes off and his clothes off and put himon your tummy for a while under a warm blanket.

A walk around in a pushchair is a good way of settling him down (and to help ou relax a bit).

What else? I'm sure everyone here will have some tips as it is something we all had to deal with. But please don't let him cry, it's not just that it is cruel, it's that your baby needs you right now and needs to know that he is safe and secure. If it helps (and it sounds funny I'm sure) put some ear plugs! It won't stop him crying but it might help you stay in control of your emotions.

If you just have had enough of the crying, you can leave him in his cot and take a few moments to compose yourself. It is important that you don't let your negative thought take over. It is normal and you will get through it!

Good luck

crokky · 15/12/2007 12:33

Personally, I didn't let my DS cry. If he wanted to be picked up, I would pick him up - if you are breastfeeding, I would let him feed some more for comfort. If he is tired and grizzly I would just sit in front of the TV cuddling him til he falls asleep, or you may have to walk around cuddling him. Either way, I think crying is to be avoided if you possibly can. He has been living inside you for 9 months, so he probably just wants to be close to you.

madamez · 15/12/2007 12:33

Regular evening crying could be colic, which is harmless but distressing for all concerned. It does pass off after a month or so - and the advice about earplugs is very good. You cold try colic drops or gripe water which soothe some crying babies - and if possible, you could take him for a ride in a car (ie if you have one).
Again: if it is driving you nuts and he is fed, changed, burped etc, there is nothign wrong with putting him in his cot and leaving the room for a few minutes when the noise is really getting to you. Unfortunately, some babies do cry a lot more than others - there is an organisation called Cry-sis which is helpful, I believe. Good luck.

andiemisletoe · 15/12/2007 12:39

agree with what everyone else says evening crying is ver common it peaks at about 6 weeks and then gets better my latest had stopped doing it by 8 weeks hang in there

I used to put im in his chair and just bounce him or carry him in the sling

cluckiemama · 15/12/2007 12:44

my DD cried alot during evening at that age i think it was colic and the only thing that worked was to lay her down and massage her with oils over tummy back and legs, it really seemed to soothe her.

moljam · 15/12/2007 12:46

i agree could be colic.plus the fact hes 3 weeks old!hes new and isnt convinced about the world.hes far too young to be left to cry imo- but i agree with op who said if it gets to much it is ok to put him down while you sort yourself out!.we used a sling alot so we could carry them but still have hands free.and we walked around block loads!

dancerandprancer · 15/12/2007 18:28

My DD had terrible wind at that age and we realised that we were not burping her enough, so when she lay down it would be uncomfortable.

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 15/12/2007 18:32

What really helped my ds when he had his 'whingy hour' (many babies I've known have had one btw!) was baby massage, can you see if you can find somewhere local that teaches you how to do it???

scorpio1 · 15/12/2007 18:32

ooh me and ds2 did baby massage, he was so chilled out afterwards.

try your local childrens centre.

ruddynorah · 15/12/2007 18:35

a lot of these things just sort themselves out. you don't have to 'fix' it. i remember very well going to my books or on here to search for a solution to the current 'problem' whether it be not sleeping, too much crying, not awake enough or what ever. thing is, mostly it's just a case of riding it out. as soon as the crying sorts itself out you'll be on to the next 'problem.' now my dd is 18 months and really when these problems come up i just wait til they go away. honestly

foxythesnowman · 15/12/2007 18:46

Your LO is still so new, and its a pretty scary world out here. I think for the first 6 weeks you could just do what works for the him. IME 6 weeks is the first turning point, things seem to settle down a wee bit after that. So, if lo is happy in your arms, pick him up. Its pretty intense, hard work and overwhelming, but I for one am happier to do this than worry about a crying baby.

I don't think you are doing anything 'wrong', but you might be worrying too much. Chill out, get lots of cuddles, and enjoy the time whilst he is so little.

I honestly think that the more relaxed you are with him, the more relaxed your baby will be. (IME anyway!)

Before you know it he'll be teething, throwing his toys around, demanding the car keys etc etc

MrsBadger · 15/12/2007 18:54

When dd was this age we gave up trying to 'put her down' at an arbitary 'bedtime'.
All she wanted was to be with us, so we watched tv or whatever with her till we went to bed then took her up with us.
She usually dropped off in our arms, the bouncy chair or the moses basket on the floor, and it saved a lot of unneccesary charging up and down stairs.

is he sleeping in your room (as per SIDS advice?)

MaeWestYeMerryGentlemen · 15/12/2007 19:07

3 weeks old is still very tiny. I remember for the first 6 weeks DS spent his evenings being held in DH's arms or carried in a sling (whilst I caught up on a bit of sleep) until he wouldn't settle anymore and DH would bring him up to me to feed him.

As others have said, it is fine to put him down and take a breather if the crying is getting too much, but if he stops crying when held, then I would pick him up. Babies need cuddles as well as food and a clean bum.

DaphneHarvey · 15/12/2007 19:46

It sounds like he has classic evening colic, just like my two babies. We tried cranial osteopathy and it seemed to help a little. Otherwise we just muddled through. We took it in turns to hold them, I would feed as much as was humanly possible, eventually they would drop off to sleep. Infacol sometimes helped a little too. When my second baby, who was quiet and sleepy from birth to 3 weeks, and then suddenly started yelling all evening for hours at a time, I honestly didn't find it so worrying. I just knew it would get better soon. You need every ounce of strength and patience right now and you can almost guarantee that no stage of your baby's development will be harder on you than the next month or so. Good luck!

(P.S. he will not come to any harm if you leave him crying for 5 mins to do whatever it is you need to do, including, possibly, not getting frustrated with him).

Gimli · 29/12/2007 22:18

You have just described our DS (about a week older now). He tends to start a bit later (been known to scream from 12 midnight until four, now usually stops at about 2am) but other than that, exactly the same. It is really hard and I write this feeling thoroughly frazzled after an awful night. But tips.
Cranial osteopathy has helped DS. It hasn't proved the miracle it has for some but he seems calmer and has slept/remained calm some nights. Crys less, happy more in generally since we started. Infacol also appears to have had some effect.
Other than that we have taken to sleeping in shifts. I have a duvet on the sofa and he will, eventually, stop and sleep cradled in in my lap or on my chest (he's better with me than DW probably because he doesn't associate me with food). With luck, if he goes off like this, he can be gently lowered into his moses basket after half an hour/an hour. Do take care, if you do this, not to go to sleep yourself. The SIDS advice is not too and it is something we have heeded.
I tend to have the internet or playstation on while doing this - because I'm active I won't sleep. The TV is too much of a risk. Leaving him to cry just hasn't worked. You can do it for a while, but eventually you have to pick him up, it's too hard not to. Good luck. People keep telling us this will end. At least you're not alone.

Pheebe · 30/12/2007 08:46

Hi srv
My advice would be if he's happy being picked up, do it o a throw out the books til he's a bit older. It might be colic or it might be he just craves your company and closeness especially if he's been asleep all day. Our DS2 is 7 weeks old now and is much the same. With DS1 we felt we had to start 'training' him very early and it ended up feeling like a battle and was horrid. With DS2 we're going with the flow, if he's awake and wants to be cuddled thats what he gets. he's settling into his own routine now, sleeping well day and night and is very happy and content as we respond quickly to his needs and is a pleasure to look after (before I get slated I appreciate just how lucky we are and that not all bubs are as chilled as DS2! ). The techniques you're describing for sleep training require a certain level of mental development in bub which they just don't have when they're newborn. Enjoy the newborn cuddles while you can, especially if you can share them with DH and still get the odd soak in the bath this time passes so quickly, believe me

Flip