Behaviour

[Jo1181]

Morning everyone

This is a bit of a long one so will try to keep it as simple as I can .....basically me and my husband have full care of our 3 yr old grandson. When he came to us he had gone through a pretty rough time . We have ironed out a lot of problems but sometimes his behaviour is uncontrollable. We do all the normal things .....time out ....consequences.... explaining ect but some days nothing and I mean nothing works and he can carry on literally all day. As far as I know he doesn't behave like this at nursery because they would have said . Hes very jeckle and Hyde..... I know a lot of it is learned behaviour from before he came to us but he has been with us for over a year now and had hope some good influences would of rubbed off and in many ways they have . He screams and shouts when things don't go his way even though we have set simple and clear boundaries. Just wondered if any of you lovely lot had any suggestions that we haven't tried because it feels like we have tried everything. This is also my first time posting. Thank you

Bless him and bless you. Don't underestimate what an impact early trauma might have had on him. It isn't just about learning and unlearning behaviours it's about literal brain development too. I would research trauma and attachment and therapeutic parenting and positive parenting as this approach is almost certainly what he needs. Firm boundaries is absolutely what he needs but punishment when he gets it wrong probably isn't. Try as much as you can to praise the good things and distract with humour and playfulness or a good cuddle. You'd be surprised what an impact this can have. A book called 'how to talk so little kids will listen' is brilliant at giving you positive parenting techniques so I'd strongly recommend it. Some of it I think is a bit full on for such a young child but lots of it is brilliant. Good luck. You clearly want to do right by him so don't give up and you'll do great x x x

Thank you I will absolutely have a look at that book . We try as hard as we can to distract and reward good behaviour and he thrives off praise so try hard to do that as much as possible but sometimes we forget ourselves as he can switch in a second . He will hurt himself too when hes angry like pinch and hit himself and will leave marks on himself . I've reached out to the h/v for help to see of there is anything underlying but havent really had much support. Throughout this whole process we have received very little support and have been left to figure it out on our own . His dad our son unfortunately has walked out of his life and his mum sadly didn't treat him right . Thank you . Seems like this is a good place to come to wish I had trued here before xx

Have a look in the Fostering Section as well @Jo1181. Some of the posters in there will have had to deal with early trauma and attachment issues and may have some tips for you

I would second the book suggestion, brilliant book. Gentle parenting by Sarah Ockwell Smith is also very helpful with techniques for recognising his emotions and frustrations so that he feels validated and understood as well as setting boundaries and enforcing these. The last book really helped me with understanding child brain development and having realistic expectations of what they are actually capable of at each age.