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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Not enjoying being a mum to my 3.5 year old

6 replies

majormumma · 19/11/2021 13:36

As the title suggests I’m really not enjoying being a mum to my DS, I love him dearly but his moods as well as my reaction to them are making our relationship very strained. I also feel incredibly saying so.

He’s been run down lately and therefore hes not sleeping well which means most nights he’s in bed with us and gets woken up by DD (4 months) so is a super cranky, super short tempered mite the next day. He shouts, hits, screams and lately has just started ignoring me although nursery haven’t reported he’s like this at home so it’s solely for me, he asks for daddy when we’re together.

I have been more firm with him lately, consistently putting him in time out if he isn’t kind but I don’t know if this is really working either.

I’ve always wanted to be the parent that nurtures and is calm, talks about emotions etc but lately my fuse is short, the screaming and tears about most things is what I find most difficult. If I say no to anything it’s a big deal, he’s impatient too and wants things immediately and will kick off if they’re not immediate.

Because of the tiredness rarely wants to play, he wants TV all the time, if we do play he gets frustrated easily and will break the tower we’re building (for example) and not want to play anymore. He does love helping me with jobs but I also am conscious not to over do this as he’s a child and playing is important.

On the other hand he wants attention constantly, talks until his blue in the face and doesn’t play particularly nice with my friends children because it’s his way or the high way basically.

Is this normal age related behaviour? I just want our bond back and want to be the best parent to him… but i feel like im doing it all wrong.

OP posts:

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Anonymum30 · 19/11/2021 17:27

My son is a similar age to yours and my daughter is 12 weeks old. Just wanted to say that you're not on your own, I'm finding 3.5 the most challenging age so far and especially with a baby to look after too. It's impossible to be the parent you want to be to each child all the time and I'm really struggling with this as well as the more challenging behaviour of my son. I'm a full time stay at home mum and to be honest, whilst I wouldn't change this the days do feel pretty relentless at the moment.

VioletCreams · 19/11/2021 19:21

I hear ya! I actually came on to see if anyone had started a thread on this as I am going through the exact same thing. It started the week after his 3rd birthday and is now really bad at 3.9 months. I’m really hoping 4 gets better!! 🤣

My DS has recently started screaming, hitting and if put to his room for time out will throw things around his room. He even lobbed things down the stairs. I asked if he was like this at nursery but apparently not, he clearly saves it all up for home.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I totally get what you are saying as I feel the exact same at times. Here’s some 🍷🍷 and a hug 🤗 for you. Fingers crossed their behaviours improve soon xx

Original poster

majormumma · 20/11/2021 09:49

Thanks for your comments!! I was seriously doubting my parenting yesterday and feeling guilty, but I’m pleased to know that I’m not alone and it must be thing that they go through at this age yep, definitely hoping 4 gets easier for all of us !! X

OP posts:

Jannt86 · 20/11/2021 10:45

How difficult for you. He's probably struggling with adjusting to having a sibling. The sleep thing I can imagine is hard. I think you're either going to have to set firm boundaries around him sleeping in his own room or possibly get daddy to stay with him in his own room if he wakes? I love co-sleeping with my 3YO and never felt the need to stop her but if there's a baby stopping him sleeping then perhaps he has no choice. Could you persuade him to read a few books rather than watch TV? That way you could all snuggle under a blanket and have a bit of cuddles and joint attention time that he's probably craving and it would be good for him and the baby too. A bit of TV is fine but I wouldn't be too led by him insisting on it. I'm sure it'll get better as baby grows up a bit as well x

SarahJeffers341 · 22/11/2021 20:50

@majormumma

I have been more firm with him lately, consistently putting him in time out if he isn’t kind but I don’t know if this is really working either.

On the other hand he wants attention constantly, talks until his blue in the face and doesn’t play particularly nice with my friends children because it’s his way or the high way basically.

Is this normal age related behaviour? I just want our bond back and want to be the best parent to him… but i feel like im doing it all wrong.

Sounds just like my 3.5 year old and I don’t have another baby!

Mine sleeps badly and always has so he wakes in the night and at 5am! He wants the tv all the time, he hates sharing, wants to do everything himself and has tantrums about everything! He doesn’t listen to me and it’s sooo difficult not to get angry with him! He isn’t like this at nursery or the childminder but either! He is very shy around adults now and will tell my MIL to stop looking at him which is awkward!

I’m telling myself it’s a phase! I adore him but my god it’s draining and hard work when you feel like you’re ignored and hated all day!!

Moo31 · 24/11/2021 23:21

I could have written this also! I have a just turned 4yo DS and a 5 month old baby. Older DS was difficult before baby arrived and this has continued since he arrived. I think it's a combination of terrible 3s and getting used to new baby. Things that work / have worked for us -

gro clock - stays in bed until the sun comes up. Once or twice a week he ends up in with us in the middle of the night but this would have been 5 or 6 times prior to the gro clock!
reward charts - either star chart or pom pom jar which gets a pom pom when he does good listening or good helping etc etc. Then a treat (eg going to shop to pick a packet of sweets) when chart /jar is full
Like your DS mine would happily watch TV all day but we try to limit to "1 episode of x for now and maybe another one later"
have found that we get on better / his form is better when he is kept busy - lots of forest walks, picking up leaves in the garden, crafts, baking, sticker books, orchard toys / board games. Difficult to manage with a baby i know!! I try to have an activity that I need 2 hands for prepped for when baby naps (which is only 30 min at a time) and he knows that as soon as baby sleeps we can get stuck in - he loves this special "mummy and me time"

Hopefully some of that helps!! I think we are starting to come out the other end of it ...

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