Is my 2.5 yo developing normal?

[cayennepepper]

I've just watched a video of a friends toddler who is 2 testing if she is compliant. Friend leaves cookies on table and says don't eat it until I come back. Friend leaves the room, toddler looks at the cookies, plays with it and doesn't eat it until friend returns. This was all captured on her phone recording the toddler from the dinner table. My 2.5 yo wouldn't even understand this if I say such a thing and would immediately demolish it .

I've had this niggling feeling that something is missing for quite some time but haven't been around a lot of toddlers or know enough about toddlers to know what's normal development or not. HV says he is fine.

My ds 2.5 has always been very alert and from when he was an infant, we would turn his head around for sound or unfamiliar people in the background. He has good eye contact but only for a few seconds as he gets distracted by something to explore. He is super active, always exploring, always testing boundaries and extremely cheeky. He responds to his name and always has since about 15 months.

He has always been on the later side though on the communication side of his development. Pointed at 18 months, pointed to share interest 20 months, pointed to request using words at 24 months mind you my friends toddler is 24 months now and has successfully passed the "don't touch the cookies until I come back test". My ds is bilingual, has about 200 words and starting to string 2-3 words so he is getting there.

Ds understands basic instructions like; get your shoes, jacket, bathtime, bedtime, time to go now and I mean really basic stuff. If I ask him a question he will just look at me, he's never responded or the conversation has always been one sided where I ask him basic stuff like "do you like your lunch?" and "is it yummy? " or "do you want to go to the park yes or no? and never a response, he will just stare at me and say park or yummy which is a hit and miss.

Ds knows when he is being naughty as he tries to make up for it by hugging me if I've told him off and can read emotions. He recently started asking "What's that" but then again when I respond there's no progress. He requests things by pointing "this one" or " one more". Just for context, my little boy is a busy bee and my friends daughter isn't half as active or curious as my son is. Shes a dream toddler :)

My son is extremely hardwork as he needs constant supervision and he is generally difficult to manage. Tantrums last about 5 minutes as he gets distracted easily but he is still very high needs and clingy. I don't know but does all of this sound normal to you? I appreciate your views.

Anyone?

Sounds very normal to me. My son is 2.5 years and would definitely eat the cookie. What's the reason for the video anyway?

I think your son sounds fine. Tantrums very normal at this age. All my friends' kids are around this age and they throw the most awful
tantrums xx

Thank you for your response @bookworm1982. I saw the video on fb and I'm assuming it's to show people how compliant she is. When I saw the video it kind of triggered the fact that my son is 6 months older and wouldn't understand if I said don't touch it or eat it by the time I come back. My friend asked her 2 yo if she understood and she responded by saying yes she understood, my son doesn't respond like that. I know it's not good to compare as they develop differently and could be a personality factor as well but now his approaching 3 and I am slightly worried if everything isn't ok.

My daughter is a little younger than your son, and she would understand if I asked her to wait – but may or may not actually do it! (She'd be more likely to wait if there were a reward for doing so.) She would also answer the sorts of questions you list, although if I asked what she did at the park, the answer may well be 'I don't know'. I'm not sure at what age answering questions/two-way conversation starts to become expected, though, as opposed to just 'some do, some don't'.

You could have a look at the developmental questionnaire for 2.5 to get more of an overview (www.socfc.org/SOHS/Disabilities%20Mental%20Health/ASQ/ASQ%203%2030%20Months.pdf, but note the scoring sheet at the end – they never expect all 'yeses'). There's also one that goes in to more depth on social-emotional development if you think it's something about his interaction that's niggling you (captulsa.org/uploaded_assets/pdf/ASQSE-2-30-Mo.pdf).

@skkyelark thank you for this. I want to start potty training him in a few months just to see if he is ready and I'm not even sure he would understand that. He's 3 in 6 months but a lot can change but by the looks of it today, I don't feel he would be even ready past 3. I keep thinking is it because of him being bilingual but surely he should at least understand one language more? I'll check those questionnaires. Thank you for sending them through.

The first questionnaire you sent he only scored low with the mirror activity. He knows it's him as he plays with his hair and pulls faces but doesn't respond to say it's him and also can't put on a coat/jacket on his own. He was 28 months and HV said to wait for a few more months.

If the other sections were all 'in the white' and just that one in the grey, I think it sounds like he did really well overall, especially as 28 months is on the young side for that questionnaire. The way the questionnaire is designed, roughly 1 in every 7 or 8 children will score in the grey, so whilst it can be an early warning, a great many of those children won't go on to need any special help. They just were slightly later to do this or that (possibly because it was summer, and so they didn't get much chance to practice putting on a coat!).

I guess in terms of understanding, if he can follow the sorts of instructions in the communication section (put the shoe under the chair, take my hand, close the door, etc.) and answer the questions about 'what's that a picture of?', 'point to your nose', and 'what is the dog/boy/girl doing in the picture?', then his understanding must be what they expect for 2.5.

Thank you @skkyelark for your response. He is communicating the way maybe not as advanced as some toddlers but he has been communicating age appropriate for the past 12 months. The only thing that is missing right now is him answering questions I ask. I do plenty of practice such as "do you want apple or orange" giving him two choices so he could pick one.

The HV didn't have any concerns but by reading some of the threads, I can also see some peoples unfortunate experiences when they get fobbed off.

It depends on the child and all sorts are normal.

I used to say about my 3, that at that age if I'd drawn a line and told them not to go over it:
One would have kept away from the line so they didn't accidentally step on it.
One would have gone and stood on the line so they could be as close as possible to not doing it, but be able to say they weren't over it.
And the other would have run as fast as they could over the line to see how far they could get (possibly looking over their shoulder to see if I was chasing).

All developmentally were normal.

For bilingual, I was told that they generally are slower to start learning but once they've got going they learn both languages.
The only family I know which ended up cutting back on the bilingual at home was one with identical boys who didn't have a single word until they were two, then started speaking their own private language. They stopped the second language for a few months and they very quickly started speaking English.
By the sound of it, he's understanding fine and so you'll probably find one day he starts answering you in whichever language and then he'll come on with leaps and bounds.

He seems normal...and you'd be surprised at how much developing they do in the next six months, it's so fast! Mine wasn't really ready at 2.5 though we did try to potty train then, he had very little idea. At 2 years and 9 months he was day trained and had started to night train himself too. He was probably not dissimilar to yours at 2.5 re not answering Qs etc.

Thank you so much for your reassurance I really appreciate it. I'm a first time mum and haven't been around toddlers/babies at all until I had my own and it's really hard not to compare when you see toddlers around ds's age and start questioning it to see if my ds is behind and if everything is developing normally.

@MargaretThursday, your other one running and looking back at you to see if you're chasing him/her made me laugh so much because it's exactly what my ds would do :)))

@Opalfeet since writing this post, ds is now asking more and more questions (3-4 words) and is now understanding more compared to last week. So it would be interesting to see what would happen in the next few months. We go through a phase where it feels he is at the same level for months and then suddenly he is displaying more age appropriate stuff.

Thank you so much for your input.

Hi @cayennepepper! Just curious to know how your little on is doing now? My DS who is around 2.5 and sounds very similar to yours. Thanks

Hi any updates

Hi @Vittoria2512 and @No736295 so my lo is now 6 and most likely ADHD. He's very clever but never listens, doesn't focus and is impulsive. His paediatrician and child therapist mentioned ADHD and doesn't fit the asd profile. He also has sensory issues as well.

Thank you so much for your answer and I hope you are doing well . Please don’t feel obliged to answer but I know that ADHD has a strong hereditary component and was wondering if you have any family with it ? In terms of sensory issues, What do you mean by them ? ☺️

@Vittoria2512 yes, my DH has ADHD I probably too (inattentive). With the sensory issues, he goes into fight or flight mode when it's loud and busy. He also had issues with fine motor skills but we went to occupational therapy for that and he is a lot better. He's handwriting is improving for instance. We did loads of putty play. With the loud noises and crowded areas his behaviour instantly changes. He cries a lot at birthday parties so I try to limit that a bit. He doesn't listen, he gets anxious and teary and gets hyper at the same time. In school he gets distracted very easily, can't focus, doesn't sit still, plays rough, annoys class friends and really full on with them in their personal spaces.