2.5 yr old pushing other kids - are nursery making a big deal out of nothing?

[bookworm1982]

Hiya,

My son is 2.5 years old and a bit of a handful. His speech is delayed so I think this causes a lot of frustration. We've had him assessed by two speech therapists (NHS and private), a Heath Advisor, and a paediatrician, and all say there's absolutely nothing wrong with him and his speech will come along (just a bit lazy). And to be fair, he is saying new words every day.

However, it's clear preschool find him difficult- they tell me he sometimes throws toys, doesn't like to share, constantly goes into cupboards etc he's not supposed to, etc. And now they are telling me that he's been 'hurting' other children by pushing them (quite hard, they tell me). They tell me in a way that makes it quite clear that they do not think this behaviour is normal. I've had a meeting with the preschool manager because they kept mouthing these things to me at the gates and I was getting sick of not getting the bigger picture, and she reassured me he's good a lot of the time (because I said it felt like they don't like him) and can often be very kind and sympathetic with other children. So this made me feel better, but I'm still hearing that he's pushing other kids. He has a big brother and they do fight and push each other sometimes, so I guess it's only natural he will do the same at nursery? He also hits his bother (and sometimes me), but he hasn't hit at preschool. He gets timeout when he does this, although it does nothing (in fact I think he actually finds timeout funny for some reason )

My husband is getting really annoyed about it because he thinks they're overreacting - "he's fucking 2 and a half years old!!!" he keeps yelling when I tell him.

What do you guys think? Anyone else have a kid that did this but grew out of it? Just worried he's going to be a bit of a git when he's older.

Thank you xxx

It isn't a judgment on his personality and it doesn't mean they dislike him. But it does sound as if for whatever reason he is more physically aggressive than the other children his age. It may because he has a speech delay and gets frustrated because he can't communicate easily, he may need some extra help with communication skills or there may be some other underlying issue that needs to be looked in to again. If he is often kind to the others then ask the nursery manager about what is triggering him to push the others or to throw toys, and what they mean by not sharing compared to the others. Is he trying to protect his toy, does he need more preparation for transitions? You may need to take this back to the paediatritian or speech therapist.

(in fact I think he actually finds timeout funny for some reason

Children laughing about timeout is not a sign of happiness, it's a sign of distress or embarrassment or shame and trying to "make it OK" by laughing.

all say there's absolutely nothing wrong with him and his speech will come along (just a bit lazy).

But what does that mean? Yes he may naturally improve but children are not "lazy" because they don't talk, most children talk naturally and it's easy for them. If his lack of speech has started to make him aggressive then that is a problem and he needs more help.

My husband is getting really annoyed about it because he thinks they're overreacting - "he's fucking 2 and a half years old!!!" he keeps yelling when I tell him.

Your husband sounds fucking unhelpful. Of course no-one wants to think their child has a problem but why is he yelling at you? He's not a role model for patient non-aggressive communication. If your son is more aggressive than the other two and half year olds then your husband needs to face up to that reality.

I'm in a similar situation, my little boy is 2.4 and speech delayed. Doctors and SALT also think there's nothing wrong and he'll get there in his own time.

He was the sweetest and gentlest child I know but since starting nursery has been pushing other children. It doesn't seem to be an aggressive thing though, I don't know why he's doing it. He's also started banging his own head against the wall and the floor.

I don't have any advice just wanted to give solidarity. Husband also not taking it seriously.

2.5 is still young imo and getting used to the nursery dynamics, rules, boundaries etc. Has he recently started? I went to nursery at 3.5 and I was pushing kids at that age as my mum still tells me about it and there's certainly nothing wrong with me. You're saying he is language delayed a little which could be a way of expressing his frustration or he is going through a phase? My lo was pushing and hurting children just a few months ago and these past few weeks he's fine now that his 30 months old but then again I still don't 100% trust him because he can be unpredictable when it comes to toys.