Am I just dumb, dumb, dumb

[duvet]

I've just come back from school feeling upset - pmt related. I've been keeping my dd who's in reception, off school the odd day here and there as she's been so tired since starting. When she started she was going everyday the teacher mentioned how tired she was getting somedays so I said well should I keep her occassionally then and she said that's what she would do so I did - never more than one day a week and not every week either. Anyway I kept her off weds this week and they've been performing nearly every day carol concert so more tiring. The teacher said to her she wasnt to stay off school unless she was ill. I have been honest and putting tiredness so I spoke to the teacher about it this morning and she said the same, that she should now attend everyday - so I now I feel told off and I hate that feeling of inferiority with teachers like they've been thinking silly mother and probably making judgements about when I put her to bed -she's always in bed by 7 and sadly the last 2 weeks she's been awake by 6am what more can I do. Hmmph

I had planned actually to start sending her everyday after christmas anyway but I guess it's a pride thing being told not to do something you felt was right as a mother. Does anyone know what I mean? This was the last straw this week with dd2 grumpy and teething too!

she's just four years old?

You've done absolutely the right thing in keeping her home when she's really tired - school isn't compulsary at this age!

There's not point in her being exhausting from full time school, it will only increase the chances of her being sick. A gradual build up to full time is better, and that's exactly what you've done

I doubt they were making judgements about her bed time - I think that's you projecting a bit there!

But it does sound like your dd was allowed a 'gentle' run in to school and they are now beginning to tighten things up.

Unfortunately she does have to get used to full time school. If she's getting 11 hours' sleep then that is plenty of sleep.

Why don't you go back to the school (once the panic of the school concerts/plays is calmed down a bit) and ask your teacher for her advice as to how best to handle this? I'm sure they must come across this all the time.

Make the teacher your ally, don't just assume she's agin you!

I think most parents who are able to have kept their kids off school because they're overtired - I certainly have, and when they're 4 I think it's fair enough. I'm sure your teacher thinks it's fair enough as well, but she has to balance that against the fact that when kids are off school regularly they miss activities, classroom projects etc and may find it harder to maintain friendships.

That said, if I was told on a PMT day to stop doing something I was planning to stop doing anyway, I would be feeling just like you!

"Unfortunately she does have to get used to full time school."

If and when fulltime school becomes a necessity, I'd hope it would be because the child wanted to go to school every day, not because life is full of awful things (like, by implication, going to school every day) and you have to get used to suffering.

If she's too tired for school, then keep her at home. Lie to the teachers if necessary.

Like JingleBelgo said, she's only 4 - they don't have a leg to stand on, legally or emotionally.

If you want a battle, you could ask them whether they think a tired child on Wednesday+THursday+Friday will get more "behind" than one who misses most WEdnesdays and is refreshed for THursday and Friday. And then you could ask precisely how, at the age of 4, they are thinking a child is going to fall "behind" anyway. They should be playing in sandpits at that age, not getting into the world of presenteeism!!! And then you could ask them why anyone is counting absences of children under 5 (and you'll find that the teachers are suggesting that your child should suffer in order to make sure their government funding stream is safe. Nothing to do with being child centred at all)

Thanks for your replies it's good to know that I'm ot the only one who's done this and another reason I felt I could was because like you said Jinglebelgohohoho it isnt compulsory til she's 5 which is not til next April. I know I'm being a bit oversensitive and assuming things i shouldn't. Her teachers very teacher like and I dont feel like I could talk to her for very long. She retiring this term so hope next one's more friendly - the funny thing is I'm a teacher myslef (SAHM at the moment tho) and have seen the other side when teaching. some days they watch videos and I think well she may as well do that here. I guess that's why I am also over active in imagining the kinda things teachers say about kids and their parents!!! Really appreciate your comments guys feeling more sane already!

Why not stick to your guns, take on board that the teacher has certain views and has expressed them, have a read of Non Violent Communication by I can't remember who, and if you wish state how you make your decisions even though they differ from the teacher's.

All the best with facing up to how you find you react to the seeming authority of the school. Your own sense of authority will continue to grow, even if it takes knocks from time to time.

For what it's worth I'm dreading calling the school for my DS2 yr 5 and off since Tuesday with a bug, still washed out, hardly eating and the head has the nerve to try to tell me when to bring him back in. I think I am his mother and I am the one who clears up the sick...spot the annoyance!! I will put my confident hat on and say, no he's just still so washed out, I wish he was tip top but he just isn't yet, I know it must be frustrating for you to get me calling up each day with DS2 still off.

Chin up.