Impulsive excitable aggressive behaviour from 5 year old - HELP

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Has anybody else experienced this?…

Our 5 year old son shows an impulsive excitable type of aggression around things that he sees as cute, this includes his baby brother who is 5 months old. It really worries us as no matter how many talks we have with him (several times daily), nothing changes. It has been happening since his brother was only a week or so old.

I am a teacher of 5 and 6 year olds so I use all of my usual techniques with him during our talks but nothing helps.

I have read about cute aggression and it sounds like it is exactly that and he really can’t help himself. He is also like this with his 20 month old cousin and family dogs.

I think he understands that it is unacceptable but he just can’t help it - sometimes he will go to do it and then stop straight away as if he has noticed what he is doing himself. Sometimes we will see his face and body language and it will be obvious he is wanting to do it but stopping himself, then all of a sudden it’s as if it becomes too much for him and he does it as if he can’t stop himself anymore.

These different things are accompanied by him shaking his whole body as if he is tending all of his muscles. He will push his head onto his little brothers head, squeeze his little brothers hand, vigorously shake his little brothers hand. It is draining reminding him every time that he is to use gentle “baby movements”. It almost feels pointless as during our talks, he understands how he is supposed to be but when it happens, his body language is as if it’s an overwhelming impulsiveness. None of it is malicious, that’s one thing that is very clear, he loves him so much and loves helping care for him.

What more can I do to help, Ive tried everything including going to the doctor who have agreed it is a strange behaviour but that we have to speak to his school (we see his teacher at the end of this week).

That should say tensing all of his muscles

My son is like this. We have an OT who provides help with a sensory diet. We use social stories and help him practice gentle versus hard hugs.

Where can I find information on cute aggression?

Thank you!

What does a sensory diet include and in what ways does that help your son?

I am constantly having to tell him to be gentle and nothing seems to help him enough to not actually do it. We are so calm and nice about it too (usually) but at times it's getting so much that I have shouted at him which I feel terrible about. I don't want a negative relationship to be built between him and his brother but for his brothers safety, I've often got to tell him that he can't touch him .

If you type cute aggression into Google, a few things come up. I haven't been able to find much though but here is something:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zqcw96f

So my son is autistic. Not to say that that's what's going on in your situation. But to give you some context.

He has a sensory diet that is a list of exercises for him to use to help regulate himself. So his proprioception sensory issues, basically means he doesn't know his own strength. He can't throw a ball to someone without it going 50 metres behind them or it's no where near far enough for them to reach. The proprioception sense means he doesn't know where his body is in space. We find things like deep pressure massage useful to give his body the feedback its seeking. Also heavy work, like carrying a heavy backpack, helping me unload the washing machine, carrying a heavy basket, me blowing bubbles and him jumping on them, stamping our feet. That kind of thing. I can show him squeezes of hugs on him so I can squeeze him tight or gently etc. But he can't necessarily generalise that to his own actions. So I get him to squeeze me.

She was born not long before his nursery had chicks so his teache asked him to treat the chicks gently because they are very very delicate and so we used those words for the baby. Worked for a few months. Now he is struggling again. So we have upped the diet.

Swimming and rock-climbing are also good. So is regulating himself with screen time. Squashing him with a peanut ball etc.

In terms of the social story, i u pm me your email address I can send u a copy of what I mean. Basically teaches him that when someone indicates they've had enough of his actions then he can tell by their body language etc. Can't remember if I've done on for the baby. But for friends at school. I think he doesn't quite understand that when the baby screams it's not a squeal of delight and when she cries it doesn't mean she requires extra hugging to stop her crying

@Hotpot33 thank you this is really helpful!

For years, I have thought that my son is on the spectrum and I even spoke to nursery about it when he was young due to other signs. As he was meeting all of his milestones on time, they disregarded it.

I still believe there is something after more signs developing such as clapping, flapping and jumping for no reason.

I will send you my email, that may be very useful thank you!

Hi, I just logged in to say thank you for pointing out this idea of 'cute aggression'. I think my son has something similar. Although we have tried sensory diet/OT/heavy work type activities at home and school and tbh they don't seem to help! We tend to have to remove the stimulus, which of course isn't always possible. He definitely knows in theory how to behave, but he completely loses all rational control when he sees any of the triggers. He has difficulty with proprioception and emotional regulation, so I can see now how it is all related. But I wish I had a solution- let me know if you find one!