6 year old anger issues normal?

[Aria2015]

My ds has just turned 6 and I’m not sure if his anger out bursts are normal or not and how to help him. An example of what would trigger him to have an angry outburst would be if he lost a piece of Lego that he’s building or if he’s building something and it topples over. He will instantly burst into tears and be just furious about it!

He doesn’t physically lash out, but he does shout and often blames us for the problem eg. He’ll say that we broke his concentration because we were talking and that caused his tower to fall over.

I’ve tried consoling him, distracting him, I’ve tried getting him to lay down on his bed to cool off but with mixed success!

When he’s like this, I try and acknowledge his frustrations and feelings (so he feels validated and heard) but I’m also firm in explaining that he shouldn’t take his anger out on others and that shouting at us isn’t acceptable behaviour. He’s not copying me or dh either, we’re both pretty slow to anger and we’re not shouty people, especially in front of dc.

Is this just normal 6 year old behaviour? Is there anything more I should be doing? Ideally I’d like to try and help him stop flying into an instant rage when these triggers happen but I have no idea how to do that! He goes from 0 to 10 so quickly that I don’t usually get the chance to try and deescalate the situation.

Hi, your post really chimed with me. I have a 7 yo DS who is exactly the same. He gets upset about the smallest things, almost like a toddler, eg. going out of the lines when colouring. He then always blames this on us (usually me actually). I have done the whole validating feelings things etc as you mention, but didn't really know how to address his anger towards us. This may have made it worse as I suspect he thinks it's acceptable to treat me like this now, and ultimately I think he needs to learn that everyone deserves to be treated with respect. So I have moved onto responding like you eg. validate the feeling, say that I'm there for him, but also say that while it is acceptable to be upset, it is not acceptable to blame other people. However, I haven't seen any improvement to be honest, if anything criticising him in any way seems to escalate things.

I think we're in a particularly bad patch at the moment, but I have to admit I'm now starting to wonder whether I should request that he is assessed for ASD.

@Ricepops thanks for the reply. Glad I'm not alone! It's strange because I posted this and then this last week I feel like I've seen an improvement. For example, he lost a sticker from a Lego toy (typical trigger for making him angry) and initially he was getting cross but then he disappeared and came back with some paper and a colouring pen and told me he was going to make another sticker to replace the lost one. I jumped on it straight away and praised him loads for coming up with a clever solution and how that was so much better and more productive than getting really cross about it. He lapped up the praise lol! I know it sounds small, but I've suggested stuff like this so many times and he's just ignored me and carried on getting angry. Maybe everything I've been suggesting / saying has been sinking in? I'm hopeful though. My mother tells me that I just need to patiently persevere and stay consistent. She said I was very similar when I was his age. I do remember struggling with anger when I was small but I tended to go Into myself rather than be outwardly angry.

I hope for both of us that they manage to find a better way to manage their anger. I especially want the blaming aspect to improve because it's such an unattractive quality that I'm worried would put friends off and (thinking waaaay ahead!) future partners! Going to try and build on some of the little improvements I've seen this week and keep my fingers crossed! Good luck to you too!

If you haven't read it already, the book 'how to talk so little kids listen' is very helpful with strategies for helping kids deal with big emotions and moving beyond them.