Confidence.............

[murphyslaw]

Middle child DD aged 8 - can get up on a stage infront of 100's and perform singing/dancing etc and loves it. Yet in the classroom this helpful, polite and lovely little girl suffers dreadfully from a lack of confidence. Have discussed it with teacher many times and it appears its not because she cant do it she has some mental block that just kicks in and tells her shes stupid! .

I have spoken to her many times about it and cant seem to get through. This has been going on for about 3 years now. Consequently, school work (maths in particular) falling a little behind.

We are really worried about her and are wondering what to do. We are coaching her at home to help with Maths. It has been suggested to me that my 2 boys who are maths whiz kids and dad who has got a degree in Maths bring an unspoken pressure onto her shoulders to perform to the same level.

We are considering some sort of therapy - anyone else had similiar issues? any comment appreciated

She sounds just like me 30 years ago! Except the pressure to perform academically wasn't unspoken. It was regularly referenced by my parents who had no hesitation in showing their disappointment in me. It didn't help that my sister was an academic whizz.

Is she strong in other subjects?

I would try to focus more on her strong subjects. Talk about how everybody is different and has different strengths and weaknesses.

Can I also ask what kind of therapy you had in mind? What outcome do you want to achieve from therapy?

At 8 my instinct would be drop the coaching in maths - the message is, you can't afford to be failing at maths. Which, quite frankly at 8 she CAN. It shouldn't matter that much.

We can't all be good at everything. DD1 suffers from the same panic over maths as I did as a child. She was in the bottom set for maths for most of her junior school but now achieves slightly above average.

Very good at music though and writing is bordering on the gifted.

They all have their strengths and weaknesess. Try to celebrate her strong points.
Think that 8 is far too young for extra tuition.

I have a similar situation with a dd who is very gifted at literacy, and a ds who at 7 struggles badly with reading and writing. I've had enough input from the school to know there is no serious problem, he's just at the lower range of the class. My tendency has been to focus away from this; he does his homework and then that's it.
When he mentions it himself ("I'm not very clever"), I point out that being clever isn't confined to one thing, that he has other skills (very good people skills) which are just as important in life and absolutely necessary for a lot of jobs. Also that people grow and develop at different paces, so later on he may end up being interested in and good at something he'd never have thought of now; however, the main thing is to do his best and enjoy what he does.

She isnt particularly strong in other subjects. Her main interests are craft, dancing and singing (we regularly praise her for her efforts in these areas)

We were coaching a little at home because we found that it gave her added confidence in class when the subject matter was discussed. I feal that although you dont need to excel in maths, for later life you do need a good grounding.

We have thought about getting some sort of behavioural therapy as we are at a loss at what to do. The rest of the family are really a very confident, outgoing bunch and I wish sometimes that would rub off on her a little too I do accept that we are all different though.