Violent behaviour

[Hcb90]

Hi, i have a 6yr old son who can show very violent aggressive behaviour. He has started being defiant at school recently and comes home most days telling me he's going warnings etc. I started noticing changes around two (terrible twos) but it's just getting worse and worse.

My point is I am a single mum I have had to get social involved because I don't know what to do, He will hurt me a fair amount but I've been told to just ignore it, he has to hurt me when he's like it.
The main issue I'm having with all this is that I'm starting to feel very disconnected from him, numb and have no desire to do much with him and Im hating myself for it, all of this is having a massive impact on my mental health.
Not really sure what I'm hoping to get from this but just feeling pretty isolated.

TIA x

Have you spoken to the school? They should try and organise a TAC meeting (Team Around the Child) whereby all the professionals that work with your son come together and discuss behaviours, patterns and needs. Perhaps there needs to be some investigation (the school can help with this) as to why he acts the way he does? Maybe there's a SEMH need (social, emotional and mental health). I know you're probably at your wits end and it is difficult. But the important thing to remember is that

1. He is the child and you are the adult. As hard as that is, as adults we have more control over our emotions and feelings. Children do not have that to the level we do.
2. It doesn't necessarily define your relationship with him, it could be that there is a deeper issue that needs investigating and once that is addressed, you will see a change in your behaviour.
3. Anger is usually used to mask another emotion. Again, the school can help in figuring out what the root cause is. It could be something such as being bullied or excluded at school, or feeling insecure, or an unmet SEMH need.

In the mean-time. Perhaps you can try some bonding with him. Such as baking, watching a movie or going to the cinema. I know it can be hard, but if money is tight you can also do a project at home together. Pintrest has a lot of ideas. All of these things will help your son to unwind and bond with you. It will show you child-like 'normal' side to him which will hopefully replace the numbness you feel. It may also enable him to confide in you in regards to any unmet needs.

The above is just my opinion and is based on my training, but obviously you know your son best. X

Good luck and always here if you need a shoulder to cry on

Read my post. I have been going through almost a identical situation to you. I also felt very disconnected and didn't want to be around my daughter so it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

Hi, just wanted to say that you are not alone in experiencing this, or in feeling this way in response to it. Just this evening I have been punched in the face and kicked in the back, so I get it.

In my case, DS7 does have diagnosed additional needs, and developmental trauma. I would encourage you to push school/social care/any other professionals involved to consider what might be going on for your son that is causing him to communicate in this way. And to offer you support. Sadly you do need to shout loud and advocate for your son's needs to get the help he (and you) deserve.

I'd also suggest that you look into Non Violent Resistance (NVR) - Sarah Fisher is a good start - as you might find that some of the techniques help with managing the behaviour. And if you are on Facebook then there is a group for parents who experience VCB (violent and challenging behaviour) called Newbold Hope which I would recommend that you join. I think there is a Web page too and there are lots of useful webinars etc which may help you.

I'm so sorry only just got a notification got this reply! School are aware of everything going on at home and have put him in to sensory curcits and apparently doing anger management with him, Our social worker goes to see him at school. His teacher has recently told me he's becoming defiant and disruptive at school.
I was talking to my mum earlier about things with him and he's always going on about how he can't do something, but we know he can, she said it's as if he's scared of getting something wrong. I took him out the other day and we had a fun day but then bedtime comes and he starts kicking off.
I will definitely keep trying I have had my medication upped and feeling a little better at the moment. Thank you for your reply 🙂 much appreciated x

I will have a look, its the worst feeling! Message me if you ever want to! It's a relief that I'm not the only one too x

Im glad I'm not the only one it's a horrible feeling, I think it makes it worse that I don't understand why he's doing it

He was meant to of been seen last month by the paediatrician but we've heard nothing the social worker is apparently getting in contact with them and Scott unit. I've done nothing but shout in the last year it had been absolutely horrendous. I will definitely have a look in to your suggestions! Thank you so much 💕