Is my daughter phsycotic

[Curiosdad]

Hi all, new here. My daughter has struggled with her emotional and physical behaviour since she was 3.5, she is now nearly 8.
She can become extremely violent and aggressive if she doesn't get what she wants. Recently she absolutely trashed my house, food and drink everywhere, everything out of the cubourds, drawing on walls, urinating and pooing on floor, blocking toilet with items. She also tried to attack me with sticks, glass, aerosol cans and threatens to jump out of the window. Health professionals say they think it might be adhd but I am pretty sure that she is turning into a psychopath.

How is her behaviour when she's not in the throws of a bad mood? Is she still presenting any odd behavior? X

She has to have things on her terms. When she is in a good mood then she can be the most loving and sweet child going but I'm in two minds as to if this is only superficial.
She also is under enuresis which apparently is another sign of psycopothy.

What is she like at school? Does she display the same behaviours? I watched a documentary once where the mother called the police, as he was a minor. The police didn't actually do anything but it was a step in the right direction and showing what happens if such behaviour continues. It also put some realisation of authority into the child. He was extremely violent and out of control. Not sure how this would work for you. It could be seen as drastic, but it is sometimes needed. Sometimes, we have to be cruel to be kind. If however, she was to continue against actual authoritarian figures, it could perhaps mean there is something deeper going on which needs addressing. All of the above is my opinion, of course you know best. X

She has had constant trouble in school. Constantly getting into trouble and being excluded. She has been in nurture provision for just over 2 years which is a improvement but not a permanent solution. When she trashed my house I called the police for the reasons you stated. When they turned up she stopped the behaviour and was nice and polite to them but in no way scared. As soon as they left the behaviours stared again. I called a ambulance for her the next day, same thing she was really polite and nice to the paramedics but not scared atol. Took her to a different hospital myself the next day and she trashed the room we were assigned to, filling the sink throwing wet paper towels at me etc

Hmm, it seems as though there's something deeper. Has she experienced any form of adversity? (You don't have to state if you feel uncomfortable - but it could be an Avenue for you to explore ... if she has) perhaps there's an un-met need as a result of this?
It could be a form of adversity that you may not be aware of, not trying to plant seeds in your head. But from my training and understanding, anger is an emotion used to mask another underlying emotion. I know it is really hard for you to be on the receiving end, but there seems to be an un-met need or emotion. Probably not as a result of you directly, but perhaps there is something deeper that needs to be investigated...

Again, I could be totally wrong about the above x

So long story short her mother was abusive whilst we were still together, both towards myself and her. She would really shout at my daughter like really loud and one time smashed up her toy dressing table. She left the family home abruptly in March 2020 and had no contact whatsoever until recently. My daughter has abandonment issues, me leaving the room can cause her to be violent to her sister just to get my attention.

Right, so that does explain a lot. There are a few issues here (as you stated)

1. Her mother's behaviours towards her when she was a part of her life. Children live out /play out what they've learnt. Her mother has 'modelled' violence or abuse, that's what she's learnt and inevitably that's what she will live out.
2. The feeling of being abandoned has obviously had a lasting impact on her. The psychological attachment theory demonstrates this in more depth. But your daughter has felt a variety of emotions from being abandoned by her mother. Such as, feeling like she's not good enough, that she's not wanted, that she's not seen and not heard or cared for. She may compare her family dynamic to that of her friends and peers. This has resulted in her using anger to mask these emotions and cry out for help. Her cries actually mean 'notice me' and 'help me' ... 'please don't leave me'. She needs to feel secure in your relationship. I'm sure you do your upmost best to make her feel secure, given that the situation with your ex partner can't have been easy for you. But your daughter requires more reassurance. She needs to feel safe and that she will not be left/abandoned. You can do this by communicating with her and telling her that she is worthy, that you love her no matter what and that whenever she does 'act out' you know that it's not really her. Perhaps do some activities to bond with her and allow her to build that trust again. I know it can be hard, but it will help her.

Despite everything, I do believe it's important to speak with your daughters school/your GP. She may need counselling/therapy to voice how she feels in terms of her relationship with her mother. If she has a outlet/s professional to talk to, her 'episodes' may decrease as she wouldn't need to cry out for help as much.

I'm sure you are doing everything you can. Please keep reassuring and bonding with her

I've also included some things I feel may help. Please feel free to take a look.
It may help to say the 'things to say to your inner child' phrases to your daughter to help soothe her and make her feel safe.

This May also help you understand. It's not to make you feel worse. It's to illustrate how the core issue is leading to the remainder of feelings and behaviours and how when that is addressed, the rest should slowly start to fall into place.

You have some very good points but I still believe there's are deeper issues there. For example she will exhibit this type of behaviour by simply having to go to a gp appointment. My situation right now is she lives with mum since October and she us refusing me to have any contact with her.

Do you and mum speak? Maybe mum can convince her to go to the GP. It could be that she is clinging on to mum as mum did 'leave' and therefore now that she has her mum she wants to make sure that she doesn't leave again? Would mum be the type to speak negatively of you to her? Sorry not trying to infer, just trying to get a better understanding of the dynamics

Her mother is narssasistic and I strongly believe she started to alienate both myself and her sister from her immediately. We are not on speaking terms. Yes my guess is she will be speaking negatively of me and using her for her own personal gain.

Have the school considered autism? It is often misdiagnosed in girls. Enuresis is very common in autistic people due to interception senses being impaired.

Things being very much on her terms is also a potential sign.

Can you remember her development as a baby? Did she meet her milestones on time? Do you remember anything like when she smiled for the first time or whether she exhibited shared attention or good eye contact etc?

Your daughter is neither 'psychotic' or a 'psychopath' based on what you've said. Sorry to be pedantic but it's cheapening these conditions to use these terms in such context and it's dramatising and over-medicalising your daughter's conditions. It sounds as if daughter is deeply affected enotionally by what she went through as a child. If she experienced extreme aggression and rejection as a young child then this may well habe caused significant trauma. I would read about trauma and attachment and therapeutic parenting. I'd also be looking for schools which understand the above. If she is getting into trouble there then clearly what they're doing isn't working and it may be that they just can't give her what she needs. It sounds corny but probably what she really needs is love and consistency. I'm sure it's so hard but put the work in now as the older she gets the more these issues will become engrained into her personality. Good luck

Development wise everything was on time. And academically she was a little ahead. Specialists are leaning more towards adhd but won't rule out autism. What confuses me is that she will get into trouble over nothing, like she won't share things with other kids at school, take something off them and then go into full meltdown mode when she is told off.

Attachment issues and autism are another two that have overlapping traits.

The lack of sharing might also be indicative of social issues/ADHD/autism. If she struggles with transitions and she is not ready to give the object back or can't understand why she has been told off and is struggling with the injustice of it all, then no wonder she is going into a meltdown. Please consider that autistic adults who experience meltdowns advocate that they should be regarded as a medical emergency rather than an overreaction to a simple incident.

I certainly wouldn't worry about psychopathy at this stage. I know you are undoubtedly anxious about trying to help her. I would continue doing what you are doing. I presume an Educational psychologist might be getting involved at some point soon? Maybe have a chat with them to see what they think.

Definitely be cautious about the fact that many of these conditions (ADHD, autism) can be misdiagnosed/overlooked in girls.

They are either seen to be more sociable (and so can't possibly be autistic (!)) Or girls are thought to be more emotional or hysterical and so are misdiagnosed with personality disorder or bipolar etc. It's important that the correct diagnosis is sought so that she can have the correct support and she can have a sense of identity and explanation as to why she is finding things so difficult.

It is so confusing and difficult to figure out what is going on with her. I've even started to think that it may be that she is just like her mother and has more of her genes.
Her mother is a selfish and cruel person with narssasistic traits.

And ideally, it's not your job to be figuring it out. You can only provide a narrative and evidence to professionals. Try to keep as objective as possible.

Potentially she is taking after her mum, but maybe her mum has been mislabelled along the way too 🤷‍♀️

Good luck to you, it will not be easy by the sounds of it xxx