Hi there. I’m hoping that someone may have some experience similar to the one we are currently going through who may be able to help. Sorry this is a long post!
Our son, 5 next week, has just started in reception. He is one of those boys whose behaviour people have always commented on as “being something he will outgrow”. As a baby, he was a great sleeper, pretty chilled and pleasant to be around. Didn’t really make much of a fuss and got on with life. He started nursery at 7.5 months and was never sad to be dropped off and seemed very sociable. During his nursery journey he was a biter as a baby, head butter as a 1 and 2 year old. Would hit and be angry as a 3 and 4 year old. He was also very popular and loved being centre of attention. He comes across as very popular and sociable, liked by parents and teachers.
After he turned 4 the nursery recommended that he was assessed for sensory issues with vestibular and propreceptive. They found he was often aggressive with other children and couldn’t be left unassisted. He would also get frustrated and growl and shout at others- both adults and kids. He is very confident - volunteering to do solos in the Christmas and summer music performance. He also is very advanced in language, talking in Santences from being a baby and had a reading age assessment at nursery ages 4 which out him at an ability for an 8 year old. The keyworker said he is one of the most able children they have ever seen in the last 15 years.
We had him privately assessed for sensory and then he had 9 months of OT sessions. Nursery said he responded very well and by the summer they said he was like a new child. We also found him easier to manage. He was able to listen better etc.
We had another child earlier this year which he responded to really well. He loves his brother and
Enjoys making him laugh. He has always had this unusual ‘tick’ of squeezing the baby’s hands and feet. He will do it every time he sees or walks past him.
Anyway, he has now started primary school and we have stopped the OT sessions. His teacher has said he has had a handful of off days where he seems really unsettled. But other than that he presents like all the other kids. When he is being off he wouldnt listen to the teacher and just walked off when she was trying to talk to him - this happened all day. He has also had a handful of unprovoked hitting out on other children. Most worrying though he had one day before half term where he seemed to be harassing one boy we thought was his friend and repeatedly trying to hurt and wind him up. The teacher said they were all being a bit physical at the start of reception but now 6 weeks in most have calmed down and he now is starting to stand out a little. She said again he is very liked and plays with everyone in the class.
Anyway, I’ve today taken him to a birthday party and he was acting so strange. He found the only toddler there and was squeezing her hands like he does our baby. He was also trying to lift her up and pressing her on the nose etc. She was quite scared of him. He also wasn’t interested in taking part and played on his own or was running in a slightly manic way.
Here is a list of my current observations on him. Based on this would you take him for an assessment? We could go private if needed.
- highly advanced academically
- appears sociable and very popular, but we aren’t sure how ‘invested’ he is in these friendships
- he doesn’t have much regard for authority: won’t listen that well to us and occasionally his teachers too. He will behave like this also with my parents
- he is aggressive with peers when he doesn’t get his way or wins etc. Last week he scratched my face until it bled as I asked him to turn off the tv and get dressed, although that was the first time he has ever hurt me. It’s usually a half arsed slap or punch we get
- teacher reported seeing him so strange tick like behaviour once in the playground, where he ran past every child tapping each gently on the head. This maybe sensory seeking though
- every day getting dressed and brushing teeth is a confrontation/battle
- when adults or children talk to him at first he will either walk away without answering or gives a silly/nonsensical answer
- he has a lot of energy and needs to be out of the house running around at least every day
- he is hyper controlling and games have to be on his terms. He hates losing. Everything is a constant negotiation
- he’s currently very obsessed with his dad
- still has poo accidents although never at school
- when asked to do something he doesn’t want to do - eg bath bed teeth etc - he shouts and is rude and calls us horrible names
- is a very gifted musician and picks up instruments easily. However in his lessons he flits from song to song without much focus
- can sit and concentrate on something he likes , eg activity book or reading. He has read all roald daal books to himself.
- he is obsesssed with animals. Only wants to read animal books and play animal games. He wants to roll play animals all day long and tries to get friends to do this too
- comes across quite narcissistic
- he’s very happy to shout until he gets his own way and has occasional bad tantrums ( maybe once a month)
He also has many lovely moments, and seems to go through episodes of good and bad times. Over the summer I had both boys for four weeks and he was great. A wonderful listener and nice to be around. A few weeks ago I said to his teacher and my DH how amazed I was at how well he settled into school and how lovely he was being at home. Cue half term and it has been a living nightmare with him being rude, refusing to do things and physically attacking us with hits and scratches. I wonder if it is anxiety about school or something.
We have done a parenting course and endlessly positively praise him. We have tried reward charts but he gets disinterested in them. We do time in rather than time out where we talk calmly about his behaviour and give him lots of love, talking to him about what options to make behaviour wise next time. I’ve read all the books and tried everything from vitamins to changing his diet etc. My gut feeling is that he just isn’t like other children his age. I’d actually be relieved if he has a diagnosis as it means he isn’t just a difficult and I unlikeable child at times. I worry that as he gets older he will become more uncontrollable or hurt his brother, especially as his brother starts to exert opinions and the older child has to compromise more. I also worry about him losing friends at school or disengaging from learning. I think other parents may be starting to question if he is on the same wavelength as other kids.
What would you do? Is this just the anxiety of a boy whose just started in a two form primary, or should we talk to SENCO?