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Behaviour/development

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Hitting/shouting

2 replies

Staceyhannibal · 27/10/2021 21:15

My 3.5 year old is out of control. When he is angry he hits me and shouts at me. I don’t believe in the naughty step, but when I have done it in the past he immediately comes off anyway, over and over again. I’ve tried talking to him, explaining, shouting, ignoring - I’m at the end of my tether.
His dad is very firm with him and he doesn’t behave like this with him.
I know that I’ve given in loads in the last year due to having a very stressful time, but how do I rein it back in? There is so much conflicting information out there now

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
PanicBuyingSprouts · 28/10/2021 09:02

You're right, kids do need you to be consistent. If you want to start I'd try Toddler Taming.

BehaviourSpecialist2021 · 08/11/2021 11:31

Good Morning!

Behaviour is a form of communication! So, it could be that he is challenging the boundaries or he is trying to communicate something with you.

Children struggle to communicate at early ages. It's like baby's scream and cry. We just need to identify the triggers.

I would recommended the following technique:

When you are trying to get a child's attention, it can be difficult at the best of times. However, the call and respond technique can help grab that child's attention.
This can take some time to implement but the results are worth it!
When trying this, make sure the child is looking at you and you are at their level. Explain that you are now going to play a game with them and that every time you call their name, they are to respond with either looking at you or a simple 'yes' response!
Explain this by pointing to the eyes or mouth and ears. For example:
Adult: We are now going to play a game where I call your name. You are going to either look at me with your EYES (Points to eyes) or SAY 'yes' (Points to mouth) then we are going to LISTEN (Points to ears) for me to speak.
This get the children to understand the simple instructions that you are giving by Visual support and Auditory Support.
Now get the child to run away and play or do as they please. When you call their name, they should look at you or being saying 'Yes'. If they do make sure you give lots pf praise. Praise is essential for this to make an impression on the child.
If they do not follow, and it take you more than two times, as they could have not heard you the first time. Get down to their level and explain the game again, making sure we use a nice calm tone.

To better understand this, it has been displayed on BBC 2 'Don't Exclude Me'

Using praise is like a secret weapon. It has the ability to help change behaviours and make the child feel great about themselves.
When a child is having a meltdown and is struggling to calm down but you see them trying to calm, praise them and help them feel like you are there for them.
Praise is so simple, and an efficient way to help children feel good about themselves. More and more these days, children are struggling to talk about their emotions due to lack of knowledge on emotive literacy.
They struggle to understand their emotions and so this can cause confusion which leads to outbursts from the child.
Be there for the children and only talk through a situation, once that child has the ability to self-regulate.

Consequences should always be used! It shows the child that there is barriers and that behaviour is a choice. If they chose to make a wrong decision with their behaviour then they should have consequences.

I still stand by using the "Reflection corner"! It is really effective when used correctly. You should keep at it! But please do not call it the naughty step.

To understand more about why the word naughty is the wrong things to do when speaking to a child, please look at my Facebook Page!

www.facebook.com/groups/pastoralcareuk

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