What age for a sleepover?

[cardy]

DD (6) has been invited to a sleepover party the saturday before Christmas. It is a friend from school and I know her mum so I don't have any concerns regarding being looked after etc. however I was quite surprised that she would do this with 4 6 year olds (am I being old fashioned) but I don't think dd is old enough. On top of thinking that she is too young MIL/FIL are visiting that weekend (in lieu of Christmas) and i think it's a bit rude if dd is away for much of it - we only see then about 3 times a year. I imagine that dd with get very little sleep (she still needs at least 11 hours) and will spend the next few days tired and grumpy.

I have told dd that I am not sure she can go - grandparents here, going to a restaurant and she just looked sad said she really wanted to go but didn't kick up a fuss.

Does anybody have any experience of this? Am I being an old fuddy-duddy (I didn't do sleepovers until I was about 10)? Should I just tell her that she's too young but she can have sleepovers when she's 7/8 whatever?

Too young
plenty of time later on and yes, she should see her GPs

I thought so, however I doubted my opinion as there are other 6yo going so their parents must think it's OK. I also don't want to disappoint her and don't want to lie to her about the reasons.

My dd is 4 and has had afew sleepovers

DS is 6 and has had 2 successful ones with friends here in Budapest and one not successful one at my sister's in Dublin. He is doing another one on Saturday but it is mainly as I can't get a babysitter so a friend has offered to have him and it is someone he has had a sleepover with before.

But although I think a one-on-one can be ok I would not feel the same about a sleepover party.

my ds has been going on seepovers since he was 4. he loves them. we have had quite a lot here too. it so depends on the child - ds very confident. i was dreadful at them as a child.

A couple of DD's class mates had sleep overs last year, in Reception. But I feel it is too young.

DD has now had a couple of sleep overs at a friend's house and them at ours. The friends parents are also friends of ours, and it was done primarily for mutual convenience. DD is 5 and her friend a few months younger. Worked well as we know the family so well.

Still think she is too young for sleep overs at other friend's houses as yet.

I guess it would feel difficult to say now when it is a party and the other girls are going. However, I think the fact that grandparents are visting, and they don't visit often, is a great get out clause and I would have no qualms about saying no in those circumstances.

I never did sleep overs as a child!

I think it has more to do with the child and how they feel about staying over. My dd's have always stayed at her granddads house and so felt ok at aged 5/6 to be slepping over at a friends house.

Other children can appear confident but havn't stayed away from home and will sometimes find it more difficult to sleep the night elsewhere.

It is a good experiance for the children to stay in another house and see how others live.

In an emergancy it is better if they have already stayed away from home before, my eldest stayed over at a friends and then when my mum was dieing the same friend offered to have my dd - it was a god send knowing she has slept away before and she was going to be ok with the whole sleepover thing.

DD does sleepover at my mum and dad's and my sisters but that is more of a babysitting opportunity than anything. She is confidence so I don't think she'll wake up wanting mummy at 3am. I guess the main thing that concerns me is that she'll get very sleep and be grumpy for days (she's NOT good with no sleep) including the only day she'll really see her gps. She also invited to another party that day so will be at home very little.

Do they actually 'sleep' much during a sleepover?

Yes, I agree she's too young.

My DD is 8 and I wouldn't let her - especially if family were visiting

can you still let her go to the 'party' bit of the sleepover, but then collect her around her normal bedtime explaining that her grandparents are down and they would like to see her.

TBH I do think 6 is a little young for a sleepover, I haven't done them for mine until 8yrs at the earliest simply because at younger I worry about the homesick side of it.

My DD3 had her first b/day party sleepover for her b/day last week tho and she was 9!
altho she had had friends over before and been to friends, just before it was 1 child not several.

the sleeptime can be an issue however, as the girlies here were still awake at 1am[exsasperated emoticon needed!]!!!!!!!!!

It was still fun tho

I think it would be better if it was just her sleeping over rather than all 5 of them - chaos I imagine, and no sleep.

I might suggest that in the new year she has a friend sleep over and then perhaps she sleeps over at a friends as a way of minimizing her disappointment.

I'll speak to the mum about her just going for a couple of hours. It starts at 4pm (she's already at another party from 2-4).

In your case, I would let the claims of the grandparents override those of the sleepover, particularly as you don't feel too happy about it anyway.

As a general thing, I would say it depends on the child and how well they know the other child and their family. My dd has been having sleepovers with her best friend since age 6, and with other friends/or multiple friends since age 9 or thereabouts. Basically, I would be happier to have only one other child sleeping over here while they are very young (less overexcitement), and most of the other mums seem to feel the same. I'd start earlier with a family my dd knows very well than with comparative strangers (however much I and dh trust them). I felt 9/10 was soon enough for the big sleepover party with several friends. Would also be inclined to start earlier with girls than boys, as boys can be surprisingly babyish. Having said this, I have had ds's friend (6 at the time) over for the night, but then I did think that was important, as his mum is ill and we may need to take them at short notice.
I've always let the kids stay over with relatives. You never know when there may be an emergency, and it does help if they can cope without you there.

Interesting to hear everybody's views, thanks.

Explained to her this morning that we think she's too young and that we would like her to see as much as possible of her gps. I also asked her how she might feel if she woke in the middle of the night at X's house. She said she might be a bit scared, so I think we've done the right thing. She did look rather sad though. So I've said that her and dd2 can have their own sleepover (i.e. share a room for the night). She seemed a bit happier with that.

too young but then i dont do sleepovers
dd still takes a week to get over them and it is a week of foul behaviour!

she is 13!

I think dd would be like that x10!