Uncontrollable 22mth old - am exhausted by it all

[twotimestrouble]

Help,I have a monster!

My DS2 has always been very, very robust and strong willed but he is seriously a danger to himself and others.

He hits (hard), he bites (taking chunks out my clothing last week!), he climbs (bookshelves, christmas trees, chest of drawers), he throws (plates, his brother's dinner, heavy objects).

It's a serious worry. I cannot watch him for every waking minute. To be honest even when I am it doesn't help. Today, playing with both of them on the floor, I turned to talked to DS1 and DS2 hit me in the face with his Thomas torch with such force it actually knocked me sideways. I have a throbbing jaw six hours later and I've had black eyes and even broken glasses (when he hit me hard in the face a few weeks ago with his cup). His very favourite word is 'bang' and bang he does, with anything he can lay his hands on.

DS1 is a gentle soul and only 3. He is hurt several times on a daily basis. Tonight for example as I'm cooking tea, DS2 grabbed an ambulance DS1 was playing with and thwacked him over the back of the head with it as hard as he could. Having calmed that down and sat them down for tea, he turned the kitchen table over as I got their drinks.

I am truly and completely EXHAUSTED by having to manage him. I know all about the circle of frustration but that is not it in this case.

He gets lots of love and I like to think I am an attentive mum. We play loads and get out lots. He is incredibly sunny but also very violent. He just has such energy. He has never slept a night through from the day he was born, he's always raring to go and he is extremely strong. He doesn't respond to any kind of telling off.

He absolutely knows he's doing wrong. I often catch him about to do something, tell him no and he wilfully does it with a glint in his eye.

What a rant. I love him to bits but I do need to do something. Has anyone successfully managed this type of behaviour?

Message withdrawn

You have my complete sympathy.

My DS is like this. He's marginally better now at 2.8 yrs.

i sympathise too. ds3, same age, is, to be frank, a nutter! and although he never means harm (weeeelll, ) he is exhausting to be around for any length of time.

no answers, just sympathy.

Oh thank God I am not alone! I have all these women I know saying, "ooh my son's a nightmare" and then I see them and think you don't even know what a nightmare is!

Since we've been up this morning, he has opened our heavy antique chest of drawers (how???) to climb up it and then thrown my heavy wooden jewel box onto his brother when he got to the top (and I'd only popped into the ensuite to pick up some washing). He's also bitten him twice, I couldn't even release hiom the second time his bite was so strong. Poor DS1.

oops, how did you get the better alternative working. I can't seem to negotiate with DS2. I get down to his level and try to explain and then he will just smack me in the face or similar and run off laughing.

Do any of your children go into childcare? DS2 has always been at home with me and my husband thinks we should put him into nursery to give me a break and him some outlet (although I know he'd hate it as he's such a little mummy's boy at heart).

Probably not the best time to go for childcare now imo, but i'd certainly get him booked in for when he's 2.5. My oldest was like this, I did work so did get a break. They do calm down gradually over the years, also with mine as he got older he started doing swimming, rugby and so forth, great outlets for violenceexuberence, and he still can putrid if rugby is cancelled for whatever reason ( normally plays 6 days a week ) Still doesn't sleep that much but at 14 that's his look out so long as he doesn't wake the rest of the family.
Loads of sympathy and hugs, i can remember only too clearly what it was like, and sometimes i felt like hiding in a basket and screaming.

honestly? try to spend more one on one, indulgent cuddling time with im. even just watch telly with him on your lap at naptime or something. when theyre all crazy like that, you spend so much of your time telling them off and trying to be patient and stern at the same time, its easy not to spend any 'loving' time with them.

doesnt seem to improve the behaviour overall all that much in the shoirt term, but at least you get a wee bit of bonding in which helps you to tolerate the madness a bit!

(pls disregard if off the mark, i am, of course, spoeaking from my own exp of my own child/ren )

I went on the free 123 Magic Parenting course. I only went for the free creche when my son was under 2 (123 Magic is recommended from ages 2 - 12) but other Mums with 'hard to manage' children saw some real results. 123 Magic is a variation of the 'time out' technique. I did try it when my son got a bit older and started hitting. It nipped it in the bud straight away. My sympathies, hang it there, they do grow out it apparently .

I am and was a climber.

I'd designate a piece of furniture as the climbing frame for now. Good indoor climbing frames I've known, as a child and as an adult, include built in shelves and cupboards, built in wardrobes, tables, mantelpieces (ok, I was a bit older), window frames, chests of drawers. Any of these with an old mattress or pile of cushions underneath (for the nervous mother...) makes a great climbing frame. Draping sheets to make the game private can also be appreciated.

Make it possible for the high jinks to be let off at home.

Sometimes when a child gets violent, what they really want and need is RUMPUS - pillow fights, being swung round and round till dizzy, being lifted up in funny ways, being lifted up to parental shoulders where they stand and then jump onto the ubiquitous old mattress. Follow the child's preferences, obviously - I'm not suggesting throwing a screaming child around...

And google Parkay. Urban climbing is something to celebrate and nurture

More climbing from my youth: the outside of the bannisters. Also, we used to jump off the landing onto a pile of sleeping bags at the bottom of the stairs at a friend's house. Aided and abetted by her parents. God that was fun. And then we'd sledge down the stairs on trays. Not when people were jumping.

They used to set up commando slides in the garden between trees, going across the pond, so you always got wet, as well. You'd be winched up 30 feet high and then zoom down skimming the water...

I think this sort of physical adventurousness is wonderful for spirited children (and aduilts)

Well..I took them out this morning to a (quite small) ball park half an hour away; which they love. We lasted half an hour. By this time DS2 had bitten a child's ear so hard it went all purple(!) and the child was still screaming ten mins later. Decided we had to go (Couldn't bear all the disapproving looks) and whilst waiting to pay he smacked a kid in the face and made him scream. Poor DS1, he quietly trooped home behind me.

At home we have an indoor bouncy castle and two playrooms plus we are lucky to have a huge garden that we always get out in but still.....he'd prefer to jump from the first floor window (his latest wheeze..)

However, one positive (sort of). I started straight away with your idea oops. When he has been hitting me I respond with a gentle 'stroke' and when he bit me with 'kiss'. Although he is still hitting me this lunch time he followed that with a pat and 'stoke' {sic}. So I will plough on.

emma, I'll maybe try and build an indoor climbing frame but almost worried it'll make him worse??

I dunno. I've always found that needing a particular kind of climbing doesn't last for ever (I don't still regularly jump from the top of staircases myself...)

In your position, I'd teach myself (and Ds1) to wrestle safely as soon as possible. A way for Ds2 to let out all that energy without anyone getting hurt - if he was older, we'd all be pointing you towards martial arts, I bet. There's some good stuff in that Playful Parenting book (Lawrence cohen?) about wrestling, although I found quite a lot of the book cringeworthy myself.