My 4yr old son now has serious attitude since starting school, please help

[Fizzylemonade]

Ds was a lovely, well mannered, controllable boy, since starting school his behaviour has definitely changed for the worse.

If I ask him to stop jumping all over my sofa he shouts "that's not fair" and the classic "i'm not your best friend" at almost everything I say to him.

This is now 75% of what comes out of his mouth. What should my response be? My usual tactic for any unwanted behaviour is asking him to stop, then telling him to stop then depending on the severity and his response would be losing toy, pudding or time out. This now results in shouting "I'm not your best friend" etc

Is this just a phase? Any advice greatly appreciated. My sense of humour on this is going out the window

my ds is exactly the same, Very VERY cheeky since starting school, can also be rude at times, i think we just have to hope for the best and ride it out!

zero tolerance IMO

you need to practice your 'steely glare' and develop a stock list of phrases that may help

"I don't care, because I'll always be your mummy"

"Don't you dare speak to me like that"

"Go and sit on the stairs"

"Absolutely NOT"

he's tired, towards the end of terms get worse, towards the end of the year is also one to look out for

This is exactly what happened to my lovely well mannered sweet dd1.

She occasionally puts in an appearance during school holidays.

I say "that is playground talk - leave it in the playground" - works with the "I'm not your friend" etc.

My DS2 is just the same
If it's any help, DS1 is in Year 1 now and must have come through it because the difference between the two of them is quite marked!

Hang in there - just think what they have been through n the last 3 months and how tired and excted they are

oh yes forgot 'leave it in the playground' another good one

Thank the lord I am not alone.

I occasionally see glimpses of my sweet wee boy but he is awful and I really don't like his behaviour at the moment. I was bursting with pride at a party recently where another parent commented on how well behaved my son was (I almost showed them the video on my phone of my son having a major strop which was sheer comedy at the time, little did I know it would continue!!!)

I am a complete zero tolerance Mum (hear that whip cracking) but the "playground talk" is a good one, and the "I'll always be your Mummy" too.

It is breaking my heart, he comes home and says with fists raised "let's play fighters" WTF??? this from my highly sensitive boy who would run a mile from any child who showed aggression -he would happily let someone snatch a toy from him rather than try to get it back.

I want that shy boy back!

ahhh now you see I play along with the poo words and just escalate it .. it amuses me

the examining other children will happen as part of a child's natural curiosity (it isn't sexual) .. we all played doctors and nurses .. talk to him about it .. oh did you, why did you do that? was it interesting? where were you? who was around? (can't believe they'd have the opportunity to do this at school tbh)

I agree with tommy - the start of full-time education at four is just too much for many little children to cope with and they can go to pieces behaviourally at home
So yes, be firm and keep consistent boundaries but cut them some slack and show them some loving understanding too.
They are spending all day in a regimented (if hopefully happy and interesting) environment where they have alloted times for sitting still, listening, running about, eating and visiting the loo, all day. They understand from what they are told and see that they must do what the grown-ups at school tell them...it all has to come out somewhere!
And although the wee, poo and bottom stuff is tedious, that is definitely a phase. If your child is not trying to get a rise from pottymouthing you direct, they will be innocently repeating whatever the naughtiest child said to them all that day.
And if you have a combination of a talent for mischief and older siblings, then I'm afraid your child may hear and repeat plenty worse than "poo"
They do come out the other side I promise! Ds was so wired at four we found him very, very hard work and some nights I cried wondering where my dear little toddler boy had gone. Now if you say "willy" to him (as an experiment you understand) he tells you off for being childish, and he is a model companion wherever you take him .

I've got 3 boys, all thankfully past the dreaded age 4, and used to childmind some 4 year old boys - it really is a phase. They will become nice kids again - don't despair! Someone told me the first surge of testosterone kicks in at 4; I don't have the science to back that up but it does explain the sudden aggressive behaviour that all of mine went through. My youngest, at 5.5, seems mostly to have passed it - or at least to have worked out what's OK in the playground and what's acceptable at home. Plus they are physically and emotionally exhausted - there are so many changes to cope with starting in Reception, and it must be scary for a 4 year old. Hang in there - I agree with the zero-tolerance approach.

I completely know what you're going through, my 3 year old son has become so cheeky since starting pre school. He does this really annoying thing of copying what you say as you tell him off!! Drives me crazy! I used to be a childrens nanny so i have witnessed this phase before but so much more frustrating when its 24/7!! I feel like grabbing him and hugging him and saying 'Ssh it's ok , just be nice, just be my lovely wee baby boy again...please, but then he's likely to hit me with another favourite line of the moment being " get off, i don't like kisses any more, they're too licky" !! What is that all about ?? Are my kisses that bad ??

I too get the attitude 'i'm 4 I can do what I want'. I tell her I'm 33 and I cant do what I want. My dd started to try to wee standing up like she had seen te boys do and used to come home with wet tights everyday.

Poo Head is hilarious for a 4 year old. You can make good money as a kids entertainer just by saying poo every so often. My DD (4) says it to my DS (3) and he falls about. When we go to school they walk togther saying things like 'wall nderpants, bin underpants, school underpants' the whole class is roaring!.

She is going to be a nightmare when she is 13!. I am not allowed to kiss her anymore as I smell of spit apparently.

My ds has also developed attitude since starting school in sept. At one point when a TA asked him to do something he perceived as unfair he told her "no, and if you make me, I'll tell my mummy" We also have "its not fair" as a mantra, accompanied by foot stomping and face pulling.

We have a zero tolerance policy at home too but have also moved his bedtime back by 30 mins on the days when he manages not to do these things and we lie on our bed and read stories. I tell him big boys don't say things like "its not fair" so if he doesn'f, he gets treated like a bod boy and gets his extra 30 mins (also means time for him without his little sister).