Help!, i cant understand or help dd when she does this?

[SweetSnowflake]

My dd(4) is going to a pantomime tomorrow, fortunatly im going as parent helper but treacher pulled me to one side today to say that when the class went in big hall to watch older class rehearse, dd started crying, she did the same thing when the firemen came to do a talk and was very VERY anxious when we visit santa and when we saw alladin at centerparcs few weeks back?

she told me she got upset today and said she thought it was going to be dark?, she went through a scared of the dark phase wwhen she started reception in spet, but seems fine now.

thing is when shes at these shows/panto's she loves them!?, but something strikes when shes told she going and just before she walks in that terrifies her?, please help if you can as ill have 3 other children tomorrow as well as dd but i want to make sure she really is ok?
TIA

I'm not sure if this is much help, but my dd1 is the same age and had the same reaction when dh took her to a circus a few months ago. She was terrified to go in and had to be almost dragged in... she loved the circus once it got started, though.

It is probably the combination of the dark, the crowds and a fear of entering an unknown situation.

Distraction might help - eg give her something nice to eat just as she's going in, or a programme to look at. Or if you can find pictures on the theatre website / ads of the characters from the panto, or pictures of the inside of the theatre, and show them to her beforehand that could reduce the 'fear of the unknown' factor.

melpomene, thankyou.

ill try and get some pics of the net now, i have already given her a fairy sticker this morning and said that this means she is my special helper today as not everyones mummy can be there and she needs to help me make sure the other children are ok cos not everyone knows theres nothing to worry about, so she needs to help me make them happy..fingers crossed

they have also now got a magician going in next monday, straight away she said i dont like them, im scared..i told her they were just normal people dresed up doing tricks, that she didnt have to talk to them or get on stage, just watch them and have fun?

Could it be the noise? Or fear of the noise? DS2 - now 12 - has really only recently got over this when we go to the cinema. The beginning of the ads (Odeon) when they blare out some kind of fanfare used to, literally, terrify him.

For years he associated going to the cinema with this aural assault.

yeah think it is a combination of noise and darkness and the unknown, its jsut even when the fire brigade went in a few weeks back she cried then too??..maybe she associated them with the loud blaring sirens and firewroks???

I think some of us are just more sensitive to these 'assaults' - visually as well as aurally they are a real sensory overload.

The distraction techniques will probably help - especially making her your helper! Hope it goes well.

She's just overwhelmed (noise/darkness/crowd or combination)

She's still a little girl and does not understand why all the fuss.

Just be there, hold her hand or let her sit on your lap for first few minutes and encourage her to participate.
Like everything else with children, practice makkes perfect. She'll get used to it eventually.

I still cringe at little things like loud TV/cinema/clubs & cheering crowds and don't understand what all the excitment is about

thanks everyone, its just that her teacher mentioning to me made me worried that she was the ONLY chid to be like this?, i guess ill find out today when we go?

Ive offerd my services for the magic show/christmas aprty, but teacher said they have 2 assistants at min so should be ok, i would really like to go and help(for dd/to help school/and for experience as i am thinking of doing teacher training), so ive said my offer stands, i might mention it to the head.
I know my dd cant think i will be there ALL THE TIME, but i think this time next year she will be a year older, she will have done it all before and had me to help her instead of being rushed through when teacher has 22 other children to look after.
Im quite matter of fact so wont be all cutesy wootsey if shes unsure, i get very methodical and give reasons so she can understand.
Fingers crossed

Used to work in a theatre and we used to have tons of kids who would do this - so def not the only one.

I agree with slim. Think about how scary/intense/exciting it is to walk into a crowded space as an adult, it stands to reason that she might not know how to process these emotions yet.

At the theatre, we used to let some kids go in before it all started (ie when light not dark), to get familiar. Maybe a possibility?

Well i think the lights will all be on when we get there anywy, its only a very little theatre and we went in the summer to watch a production of High schhol musical put on by the local college.
DD did love it and i think your right about emotions, because i am very emotional(will cry at x factor, and at HSM show at the end it was very happy and emotional, so i had tears in my eyes and so did dd, but i dont think she knows why she crys when she's happy, she associates crying with sadness, so a bit of a mix up for her??

HI all who have helped me..dd was fine today, prob cos i was there aswell?, but she was great, some of it was loud(bangs/gun fire type and dark scary noisy scenes) but i kept smiling and saying noooo its not scary, watch heres the fairy godmother and so on!..so am veyr pleased it went so well as it turns out one of her friends was in a worse way than dd, but her mmum helped out too so all was ok..just hope this magician doesnt drag her up on stage on monday

Hurrah!
Think you've hit the nail on the head there about not realising crying can also be about being happy. Ah, look how much she is learning and developing with you

Glad she enjoyed it!!

Thanks Mummymagic...she seems ok about the magician monday and the teachers know she can be wary(as can most of the others now i know!), ive offerd to help out but seems their ok for help.

if we watcha nice film or i say something to her sometimes, she fills up and says mummy my eyes are crying, ive explained but dont think she 'gets' it yet, bless her