Eye contact - has anyone had a child who avoids eye contact who WASNT autistic?

[sconenotscon]

Hi all

My 15 month old very rarely makes eye contact no matter how much we try to interact. His health visitor has said this is a concern, and now I am really anxious he may be autistic. There is autism in the family.

When we read him books he may glance at us once or twice and smile but that's about it. He doesn't answer to his name, he doesn't point clap or wave. He looks past us at his toys or the TV. If we sit in front of him he will actively turn his head to look around us.

I may be grasping at straws here but could this just be slow development instead of autism?

He does smile and laugh when tickled or when he sees something funny on TV. Is this typical of autism?
Sorry for spamming. I'm quite worried

Hopeful bump

I've read that it's less about frequency of eye contact and more how it is used. For example does he look at your when he sees something interesting or maybe when you hear an unexpected loud noise etc. I believe it's called joint attention and social referencing.

Pointing isn't delayed until after 18 months.

The lack of name response warrants a hearing check I reckon.

The MCHAT test at 18 months is quite reliable.
I'm sorry you're worrying. I guess there are some "pink" flags there that are worth keeping a check on but so much can change so quickly at that age.

Hi, I look after a 4 year old who has autism in the nursery where I work and what you are describing does sound similar to how she was around that age. Now I’m no doctor or specialist so this is no definite yes or no and like another poster said a lot can change within a few months especially around this age but I would be also be aware of these signs could be signalling this. The good thing is is that if your little boy does get a diagnosis one day as you are already looking into this the earlier you can get help and advice needed but again this may not be the case and he may change in the next few months. 😊

@sconenotscon I’m sorry you are going through similar worries. We had the same concerns about our DD. I think at 15 months it’s too early to say whether it’s autism or not as a lot can change but it’s good that your health visitors will keep tabs. Our DD is now 30 months and pretty delayed for her age from the social and communication side. She remained pretty stagnant on developing these skills and was similar to how you describe your DS until she was about 28 months. At this point and through utter frustration at not being able to access support I started doing a lot of reading about normal speech and language development. Appreciate what we did is not a magic cure, may not work for everyone and she was quite a bit older at the time but thought would share in case it is helpful. So we stopped all screen time and packed away push button or vtech type toys. I put some of her other favourite toys on a shelf she could see but at a height she would need to interact with us to reach them. I then very intensively played social games with her (started with things like peekaboo, pat a cake etc). Made myself really animated and lots of gestures (and lost my voice at one point!). When playing with toys I’d bring them close to my face and point a lot to help encourage her to look at my face too. I chose toys like wind up ones and cars which you push back to roll so she would need help from me to use them. I then narrated everything we did in the day using single words or v short sentences- from nappy changes to meal times. I did buy a book called ‘Teach me to play with you’ by an American speech & language therapist called Laura Mize which I found v helpful. She also have lots of podcasts for free on YouTube. At first there wasn’t much progress and it was very disheartening but kept going. But over 2 weeks, started to notice she made more eye contact and started to want to initiate interaction with us. It’s been about 7 weeks since I did that and now from hardly making eye contact she makes good eye contact of her own initiative about 90% of the time. She will come and want to play with us and is trying to communicate using words with some gestures like a full hand point emerging. And she is starting to use single words more in context now whereas when we first started it was more just random words out of context. Looking back it’s been a big improvement in a relatively short period but felt more gradual at the time if you see what I mean. I don’t know if she will eventually end up with a diagnosis of autism (we are on a wait list for an assessment with the child development team) but at least we can see improvement now. X

@Babybum21
That's amazing news! Well done you, sounds intense but I'm so pleased it is working for you! This is so encouraging. Thank you very much for the tips and I'll be looking into those books and podcasts. I'm going to turn the TV off too

Thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply to me xx

@sconenotscon hi how is he doing now? My DS is 15 months and I could of wrote your post word for word I'm also concerned x

@theveryhungrycatapillar

Much MUCH better. Can't believe the difference in him. He's making lots of eye contact, pointing clapping and waving and trying to say some words. We put him in nursery and he seems to have blossomed! Hope your little one is OK and this helps you stress a little less. There's time yet xx

Hi, my DD is 20 months and at around 15 months I contacted the health visitor with the same concerns, I was told they would bring her 2 year check forward to 22 months, and that sometimes they are in a world of their own. At 20 months she has got better but still doesn't look at me if she is doing something or watching something. However if I ask her a question and it's something she wants for example a drink, she looks straight at me and comes over. It frustrates me that she doesn't look at me when I say her name, it has upset me many many times. But if I sing songs or clap my hands she will look at me, just not like other children I've seen at her age. I will be raising it, and I'm sure they will see themselves when we have the health visitor over. I'm conscious that it will give her a label, but I also want to give her any additional support she needs in life if it did turn out she was on the spectrum.

@passmethelatte

I'm sorry to hear you've got the same worries, it's quite stressful isn't it

Does your DC go to nursery or playgroup? My son was just like you describe but nursery made a world of difference for us and sort of brought him out of his shell. He's still behind according the health visitors little checklist though. Our health visitors promised an 18 month review because of just how behind he was, but of course when the time came they just didn't have the resources to do it because they're still playing covid catch up. To my knowledge all nursery staff are aware of the warning signs and have the power to request a review if needs be so I'm just going to wait and see now

The thought of my son being labelled really bothered me too

He is the same age as your DC now so if you ever want to talk please feel free to PM me xx

@passmethelatte

I also can't help but wonder if being born in lockdown has anything to do with them being a bit withdrawn? I don't know about you but my son wasn't able to go to the usual baby groups and days out that my DD did, and there is a clear difference between them

@sconenotscon

thank you so much for replying. She isn't in a nursery, I'm a SAHM and at the moment our finances won't allow nursery. I have taken her to a few playgroups over the year, but she plays on her own mostly. She has been to soft play a few times, one particular time she sobbed because it was half term and ridiculously busy, I felt her pain lol but joking aside she gets a bit overwhelmed with noise which is another factor. I often feel that her social skills were stemmed because of Covid, I feel incredibly guilty although it was out of my control. It was awful for us Mums, as it was everyone else. I forget that they knew nothing different other than being in the house all the time, for a long time ! Glad to hear your DS is has come on leaps and bounds with nursery, I'm hopeful when she turns 2 we will get some hours and I can see how she goes from there. I am waiting back on the HV, I emailed last night when I saw your post, it prompted me ! Will keep you posted. Thank you again

[quote sconenotscon]@theveryhungrycatapillar

Much MUCH better. Can't believe the difference in him. He's making lots of eye contact, pointing clapping and waving and trying to say some words. We put him in nursery and he seems to have blossomed! Hope your little one is OK and this helps you stress a little less. There's time yet xx[/quote]
That's fantastic news! And very reassuring! I think being born in lockdown brings its own challenges with development but as a mum it's so hard not to worry or to compare them to other children. So glad you've seen lots of improvement 😊

Hi
I know this is an old thread now but my DS is 15 months and sounds so much like what yours was like, did your little one gradually improve or did it all happen within a few weeks? I have to contact to HV next week she said if he wasn’t saying any words by 15 months then to call her. I’m so worried about it because I think it’s just the unknown isn’t it! He hardly answers to his name to me, he will sometimes to his dad. His eye contact isn’t brilliant I don’t think, and he doesn’t seem to have much understanding of things or follow commands etc
I don’t have much experience with babies (ftm) so I’m not even sure what’s normal or not at this age!

Hi I was just wondering have you any update regards your lovely girl? I’m going through similar myself and found your tips very helpful

I know this is an old post but I was wondering if you had an update. My son doesn’t make a lot of eye contact and it’s really concerning me. Thanks!

I know the OP hasn’t come back but I have an update! My little boy is totally fine now, he’s just nearly 2 and a half and came on so much between 18mo-2years and then just keeps getting better! From 18 months he started to be more interested in communication and less running around and getting into bother. He’s completely within range and passed his 2 year check completely fine

That’s great to hear, thank you so much for responding! :)

Hello just thought I would drop a little update. My DD is now 3 and we are waiting for a referral to the GDA pathway. Her eye contact has improved but her communication isn’t very good. She can say single words but she doesn’t speak in context. If I say “look” before her name she looks, and does this with other people which is a huge improvement. A lot more signs have become apparent to us over the last year and we have been referred to a dietician and speech and language. So in our case other factors have arisen but the initial worry of eye contact , isn’t as present and has improved. It’s very overwhelming but once you get the answers you need and support it does all fall into place. She will be starting pre school on Monday, just morning sessions but Mon-Fri, I’ve met with the teachers and they are excellent and I’m confident she will improve even more when she is socialised every day. That’s the thing with having a 2020 baby, you will forever be unsure what kind of impact it has had on our children, whether it’s the sole reason for their additional needs or it’s contributed massively.

Hey, I really hope you respond to this message.

I would like to know how your baby is now please? Mine is showing similar traits. Thank you x

Hi, DD recently turned 5. She was formally diagnosed with ASD just after she turned 3 but she’s been doing fab. She went to a specialist nursery who helped us get her an EHCP so she now attends a small class in a unit attached to a mainstream school. Her speech has come on loads since she started school and we can now have some basic conversations. And she’s developed loads in terms of imaginative play, starting to socialise with other children. So lots of positives and she is developing amazingly at her own pace ❤️

@sconenotscon how is your little one getting on now?

I completely agree with this. My little boy was very much the same and we stopped tv completely (bar one hour before bed), we started interactive games and books to encourage communication and he’s doing amazing!! Don’t get me wrong he’s not where other children his age are for communication but he’s nowhere near as far behind as he was! He’s also awaiting an op on his ears so definitely worth asking for her ears to be checked ! The pointing and some things can be taught! My little boy wouldnt point and I was worrying so I just taught him at 2 how to do it and he picked it up straight away. Sometimes too much is expected of toddlers! Not 1 size fits all xx