9 year old behaviour

[MissJJ19]

I wanted to reach out on here and ask if my 9 year olds behaviour is expected at her age, I only have one child and it seems that every phase is a new one, recently her meltdowns have became out of control, loud screaming, kicking walls stomping her feet almost like the terrible twos but with a lot more force, we have tried taking privileges away from her for her behaviour but this makes her meltdowns worse, she doesn't seem to process when we tell her that she is misbehaving and it continues we will be taking a privileges away, she then continues doing what we've asked her not to do so we then tell her the concequences for her behaviour which leads to the meltdown and constant asking for it back,
She repeats questions and says she didn't hear our response or forgot, she constantly interrupts me and her dad and it's just getting so difficult now I was wondering if anyone has experienced similar

Could it be puberty? Wouldn't be unheard of by any means at this age. I know it's rubbish and so tempting to just focus on stamping the behaviour out when it's so rubbish but don't forget to try talking to her and giving her a big cuddle and give her chance to tell you if anything is bothering her too x

Frequent out of control meltdowns aren't usual in most 9 year olds, not unless there's been some big source of trauma or unhappiness in her life, or unless she has some other issues that make it hard for her to cope.

Has she always repeated questions and interrupted a lot, or is that new? If it's new then that could be a sign that for some reason she's unhappy and desperate for your attention. If she's always done it but now it's getting worse then that could mean a communication issue which needs some investigation.

If taking privileges usually away makes her behaviour worse then I'd suggest you stop doing it for a while. I found that threatening to take a privilege away really ramped things up with my DS. Also the constantly being told he was misbehaving was unhealthy and made him anxious (even though he was misbheaving!) and it made his behaviour much worse. Positive instructions were lot more effective. "Come and stand beside me" was much better than than "stop running around", "Put the ornament on the shelf now" (in a netural/bright voice) was better than "stop fiddling with the ornament" in a cross voice.

Kids vary but my DS tended to confuse "firm" with "angry" and that triggered his anxiety and temper. So I had to make a real effort o use a neutral/gentle/cheery voice. Also your DD might find it hard to stop doing something suddenly when she is upset. I found a countdown was quite effective - if it wasn't dangerous I could say "three more jumps and then stand still - three - two - one - and stand! Well done."

It's worth having a chat to her school Does she get on OK with the other children? Maybe she's having a bad time socially, getting bullied or ignored by the others, and cant talk to you about it. Is her temper or interrupting/not listening the same in school, or is she able to rein them in? If she's doing of the same things in school then maybe a chat in with the teacher and SENCO or your GP about assessments for e.g. ADHD or maybe ASC.