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I think I?ve found out what is bugging my 10yr old DS. But is it likely?

15 replies

OrmIrian · 10/12/2007 11:43

He has been very moody, flies off the handle at the slightest thing, sobs and sobs over what seems like nothing. Ive spoken to his teacher who tells me that he seems a bit ?resentful? at the moment but not in any trouble with the teachers, doing OK with work and still getting on well with the other pupils. We have made him go to bed earlier to see if it is overtiredness thats causing it. He?s back on omega and vitamins again. Not made much difference yet.

One of DH?s friends suggested that DS might be worried about going to secondary school. He is very keen to go but I suppose he might still be nervous especially as he is not going to stay with most of his friends. His teachers are piling the pressure on a little atm but nothing too excessive IMO considering the Ofsted that the school had and that it`s better to have the pain now than go into a new school and really struggle. So I think it might be part of it.

But I have come to the concluson that he`s confused about whether he is ?grown up? or not. Recently he?s spent a lot of time with his dad. Often DH will take DS#1 somewhere and I end up with the younger two. Not a problem and it is easier for everyone. DH often takes him to the pub to watch football these days ? DS#1 has recently caught DH?s unhealthy obsession with the damn game - as he really enjoys it. Saturday night I asked him if he was sure he wanted to watch footie with his dad as he could still come to the Christingle with me and the other 2 as he has done in previous years - cue floods of tears and clinging to me as if I was his last hope .

You see I remember something like this when I was young ? not knowing whether I was (or wanted to be) a child or an adult, but it was a lot later. I know children tend to grow up earlier but is this too young for this to be the problem?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Desiderata · 10/12/2007 11:47

It sounds entirely plausible to me, OrmIrian.

Poor little man. I guess you'll just need to keep offering him the childhood things that he's familiar with until he comes out of it. Growing up is such a long, hard process, isn't it?

loopylou6 · 10/12/2007 11:49

i am having the same trouble with my ds (8) infact i have just been to see the drop in nurse today at his school about it, she also suggests that they are making the transistion into the unknown world etc etc, i dont have any answers as i am struggling myself, all i might suggest, and please dont think im being rude, but does your ds feel that the younger 2 are getting all of mums attention? i only ask coz this has come to light with my ds, i have a dd who is 3 and she is VERY demanding and they dont get on at all, apparently ds feels a bit pushed out and that she gets the attention all the time

bananaknickers · 10/12/2007 11:50

no advise. I have an 11 year old and begining to make changes here too.

Really just wanted to say that you sound like such a great mum. What a lucky boy he is

OrmIrian · 10/12/2007 11:54

Sorry for all the '?' btw! It happens when you copy and paste from word.... I thought I'd got rid of all the peksy things but obviously not

desi - I think I will. I've assumed he was happy to be grown up and a daddy's boy all the time but maybe it's not that simple.

loopylou - I have tried to spread myself about before. If all three kids are together too much they tend to have rows which is why we often split them up - although mostly if happens because that's just the way it works out. They have different interests. But I will try to do that - spend some time with just DS#1. I'd love to TBH - he's a lovely boy when he's in the right mood and good company but he prefers DH these days . Maybe I'll have to insist!

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OrmIrian · 10/12/2007 11:56

Thankyou bananaknickers! I'm not sure you'd have said that if you heard me yelling at him about his hw on saturday

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Curmudgeonlett · 10/12/2007 12:00

Orm .. I'm not at that stage yet but as an interested outsider I have to say that it sounds like your analysis is spot on

as well as taking him to see christingle I'd send DH off with the younger 2 and spend time with DS ... I'd say that I miss him and I'd love to spend time with him more

transitions are hard I think

Curmudgeonlett · 10/12/2007 12:01

I must say I gasped a little at DH takes him to the pub to watch football .. that's a very adult environment .. not sure I'd be extremely happy with that being a regular thing ...

OrmIrian · 10/12/2007 12:08

I think it's OK curmudegeon. I'm not entirely happy with ut but it's a big deal for DH and he desperately wants to share it with his son. It's the first time he's been in the slightest but interested so DH is making the most of it. It's full of our friends, not random football thugs and of course, it's not wreathed in smoke anymore! And DH sticks to just one pint when DS is with him.

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Curmudgeonlett · 10/12/2007 12:14

sorry wasn't judging ..

I'm sure it is OK but it's mainly populated by adult males and not 10 year old boys so confusion can set in as you've identified

Curmudgeonlett · 10/12/2007 12:15

s'me .. Twiglett by the way .. it's my christmas name ..

OrmIrian · 10/12/2007 12:17

Aha! twig is disguise...

Maybe you are right. Dh lost his dad very young (I mean he walked out rather than died) and he never really got over not having a relationship with him. Maybe it's given him a odd idea of what a son-father relationship should be. It's certainly an obsession of his. But of course I don't have much experience of that either..

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OrmIrian · 10/12/2007 13:31

I am going to have a chat with his teacher this afternoon. Just to explain that things aren't improving and if she can perhaps give him so leeway with hw atm - he had 2 worksheets to do for literacy as well as some extra questions. He had to write out his sci-fi story again in his best harnwriting (that's a struggle in itself). And 2 maths worksheets to do. And read to me every night. Over the weekend. i don't think it's helping.

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Curmudgeonlett · 12/12/2007 20:45

how did 'chat' go?

Yulemoonfiend · 12/12/2007 20:52

my lad who turns 10 in a couple of weeks had a couple of tearful, moody weeks recently. It all came spilling out.

Secondary school was one worry.

What he would 'be'/'do' when he was grown up was another

His problems at school (he is dyslexic, cannot write or spell and is constantly in trouble for being distracted) were another.

And the rest was...in no particular order...whether he would ever have a home of his own becuse £300,000 seems like a zillion dollars...whether the war on terror would become bombs and fighting in the streets here...and whether global warming meant that everywhere would be flooded by the time he grew up was another.

OrmIrian · 14/12/2007 10:59

Chat went OK. She told me hw was coming to a halt until after Christmas anyway. When I spoke to her again yesterday she said that he seemed calmer and happier.

But I think my suspicion was correct. We've planned a day together soon and he's having a mountain board for his b'day next month and I've agreed to take him out on the hills to use it. Tried to suggest to DH that the football/pub thing isn't a good idea regularly but he didn't take it well DS is till a bit volatile - he lost one of the football badges that DH gave him at school the other day and apparently was in floods. His teacher got all the kids looking through the bins in the dining room to find it though which I thought was quite beyond the call of duty.

So

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