Last night my dd's friend's mum (A) called me and said she wanted to meet up and talk about something. It sounded ominous so I went over straight away. Basically, my daughter (age 5) played there last week, A heard my dd saying to hers "just do it" , she went in, my dd looked shifty and A spent some time getting them to tell her what they were playing etc. My dd had asked her dd to touch her vagina (but with clothes on). A explained very nicely that your v is private and we shouldn't look or touch others etc etc. My dd was very upset that A might tell me so A promised not to. It obviously preyed on A's mind and she told me that for the rest of the week she "pumped" (her words) her daughter for any other information before approaching me. Yesterday, she "pumped" and her dd told her that my dd had suggested a game where she would be the naughty boyfriend and her dd should close her eyes. A said and then what happened and her dd said nothing, that was it she just had to close her eyes.
So A just thought I ought to be aware of this.
I was completely stunned/embarassed/ etc etc and didn't say a great deal other than I would bring up the subject with dd and re-affirm that her body is private etc etc
A also brought up the fact that nearly a year ago our 2 dds were in her dd's bed messing about and then my dd came downstairs and told me her vagina was sore. She thought this might be connected. ( i do vaguely remember my dd having a little paper cut on her vagina so it hurt when she went to the loo).
We then had a little chat where I said I was mourning the loss of innocence as in the last week I have had to deal with dd saying kids are telling her father xmas doesn't exist and someone has been telling her all about childbirth, how it happens, agony, and she won't be having any babies. In fact, I know it is A's daughter telling dd and others about childbirth because A told me last week that her dd had inadvertently watched such programme on tv. Anyway, I wasn't being accusatory or anything just trying to convey this general period of lost innocence and kids telling each other all the snippets they pick up etc
Anyway, went home and cried. DH and my best friend very supportive, yes we will re-emphasise about privacy and bodies etc but DH and best friend also think that A has completely over-reacted. Yes, fine to mention it but to call me in the evening and for me to go over at 9.30pm was all a bit dramatic. These games are totally normal, and while we should keep an eye on the games they play, and distract them with something else if we "catch" them, it is normal and they will grow out of it if handled sensibly.
A also mentioned abot 3 times that as I was a working mum I don't always know what's going on in the playground and I don't get to spend as much time with my dd as she does with hers etc. That really hurt.
Anyway, have not stopped thinking about it today. I certainly feel she was insinuating something as she was asking questions about my dd's childminder, the other children there, her older cousins etc
I certainly won't feel like encouraging our dd's friendship with each other as I will now feel that A is watching and listening to everything my dd now says and will continue "pumping" her daughter for information. (A admits herself she is overly protective of her only child).
I would really welcome your comments and views on this.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.
Behaviour/development
Help! Children and sex games
7 replies
Lollipop · 15/10/2002 15:03
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.