I can't cope with my 2 and a half year old

[bookworm1982]

Hello, my DS has just turned 2.5 years old and he’s really really hard work, which is sending me into deep depression. I don’t know what to do, and I’m terrified that this is a sign of the kind of person he’s going to become, like he’s going to turn out bad. He’s just very very badly behaved, hits, pinches (viciously, like with gritted teeth), throws things at you etc. His preschool find him difficult - he throws his food at other kids and disrupts story time (but sometimes they say he is lovely) He’s always hitting his 4 year old brother. He’s a bad sleeper (always has been), and the worst eater (won't eat anything except toast and often throws his dinner on the floor or puts it in his cup of water) . His speech is delayed but getting better - has about 70 words but doesn’t use sentences yet. This seems to really frustrate him. We’ve seen two speech therapists and a paediatrician who’ve said there are literally no concerns or red flags for ASD (which I was relieved but also surprised by). They believe his speech will come along by 3/3.5.

I’m working with his preschool on how to deal with him via discipline etc, but what I really want to know from this post is - has anyone else had a child that was this difficult but then went on to be a really good kid? I just want to know how normal this is. My other son who is 4 years old was totally different.

What I find really really upsetting is how angry and upset I get with him. Sometimes I want to give him a whack (I never, ever would). Anyone else feel like that??

Thanks for any help.

Xxx

Sympathies op

I too had a difficult one that never slept. Always angry, quick to throw at you or hit. It’s really hard not to be angry or upset when this gorgeous, much wanted child, is so horrible to you and such hard work!

It took years for him to be assessed because people kept telling me he was fine, it’s learned behaviour thanks HV!

He actually has ADHD. They assessed for ASD at the same time when he was in primary and said he wasn’t on the spectrum but high school suggested he be reassessed. He was and he now has a dual diagnosis of ADHD/ASD.

Medication for his ADHD changed things for the better.
Unfortunately, as a late teen, he’s decided he no longer wants to be medicated.

Was he also assessed for ADHD? Different people assessed DS for each one. Would it be worth requesting he be reassessed by someone else? DS was assessed through CAHMS.

It could just be that he has a completely different personality than DC 1 but, if you are surprised he didn’t receive a diagnosis, you must have strong suspicions that he may be ASD & possibly ADHD.
I hope you manage to get some answers

Thank you for your reply. I really never considered ADHD. I'll speak to the health advisor about this. Does your son otherwise lead a fairly normal life? Thank you again for your sympathetic reply. Xx

My two and a half year old is very very similar.

His speech is quite behind but he's on the 99th percentile size-wise which make it harder as he could pass for 4. I am on edge all the time in public in case he kicks off. I hate taking him to the park or soft play as he might hit another child or push them off a swing or something so I am hovering all the time ready to grab him and whip him away. He will bolt if there's a shop with an open door/park gate open etc so he's always in the buggy or I'm clutching his hand.

His brother is 5 and teachers suspect ASD. I was diagnosed as having ADHD last year which explains a great deal.

Sorry not any advice but you are not alone.

Could he possibly be frustrated with his lack of speech?

I found between 2 and 3 the worse age so far. I also have a little boy, who is extremely active and has tendencies to throw things and misbehave. Everything improved massively in the last few months, the more he approached his 3rd birthday.
He also wasn't particularly advanced with his speech (improving a lot now) and I think it's really down to age and frustration of not being able to communicate well.
My only advice is to hang in there, as there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Yes he does lead a normal life but, before medication, he spent all day every day being told off in school. When he was medicated they commented how well he worked, followed instructions etc.

He worries me to death though as he is so impulsive and quick to react.
I fear if any trouble started he would act first think later. I dread the day he is old enough to go out drinking!

Thank you all for your messages. He's had a calm few days so I'm back to thinking there's nothing wrong again - but that'll probably only last a few days.